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So I found out yesterday I am pregnant. I go today to find out just exactly how far along I am, but I am pretty sure about 6 weeks. This whole experience has been so surreal.So here is the situation...Dating a guy for about 2-3 weeks, he was moving, I knew that. No big deal, had a great time with him still talk. Well, had a drunken sex night with him and I am pretty sure that is when I conceived. Still got my period that month, although it wasnt like usual. (All the signs now that I think about them, point to yes)So he left, I went on with my life thinking nothing of being pregnant. Still partied constantly, smoked, worked out hard, oh and my job...well I am a mechanic, so I am constantly covered in fuel, oil, whatever else. Not the healthiest. Now December rolled around and I didnt get my period (which I have gotten every month with some deviation since I was 12) I started to worry. Took a pregnancy test yesterday at home. Just because I felt different, I was starting to look different. Pregnant! Yahtzee! Great. I cried, I called my best friend, I called a support line so I could make an appointment for today to make sure. Suprisingly enough though I slept pretty well last night. Well here is my dilemma. Im 21, I am active duty military, I am getting a promotion that puts me second in charge in my department on my ship (Really big deal) being pregnant would alleviate that situation. Once I find out if I "really am" pregnant I will tell the father. Not sure how he is going to react. He is 23, getting out of the military soon, going back to college, oh and he has a "girl" back home. Not a girlfriend, a "girl". One of those deals. But I know I dont need him around to have a baby. I just never thought I would have a kid without being marriend and such. So I would have to tell my family (my mom will hate me, my father will have supreme disappointment in me), tell my job (deal with the embarressment, feel like a total whore, lose my job and my friends b/c I will never see them, deal with theirs and mine disappointment (because I am an overachiever and "so much" is expected of me), transfer somewhere else...who knows where...oh yea then there is telling the father. I have no idea how that is going to be. I keep thinking he will just hang the phone up on me (because i wont be able to tell him in person due to demographics), want nothing to do with me or the baby, so on and so forth. Two of these things I know I could survive. My family and telling the father. My job, I am not brave enough. I am not financially secure/stable, I dont even want to think of the damage I could have done to the fetus here in the past 6 weeks (just because I didnt know), but I am totally against abortion. Its a part of me. It could be my little girl or my little boy that has my blue blue eyes and brown hair. Or has my fingers like I have my mothers. I dont know what to do. I dont want to have an abortion, for multiple reasons. 1. its wrong, 2. what if something happens and I can never have children again. 3. that baby is my baby. What do I do? I need to make up my mind soon. I feel like such an irresponsible and dirty person. My life was so together until yesterday. I feel like I am losing everything I worked so hard for. What do I do?
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I don't think you're gonna find anyone here that is going to tell you what to do. At 21 you are an adult, and you will make your own decision. IMO, abortion is not an option...for all the reasons you already know. SO, you are left with two alternatives, both of which will have life altering consequences. At this point you have MANY things to consider....and 1st and foremost should be what's best for that baby...and know that there are so many good people out there who can't have babies, and would be phenominal parents if given the opportunity.
Best Wishes to you.
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bigdecision,
((((hugs))))
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's so scary, dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.
I think your first decision is really to decide whether you want to have an abortion or not. It sounds like you don't, but that you're also worried about how carrying the pregnancy to term could affect your life, especially your job.
If you know in your heart of hearts that you don't want to/can't terminate the pregnancy, then try not to get too caught up in how your job will affected. It will work out, one way or another. If you're still really ambivalent, and really want to have an abortion but are struggling with that, you might ask yourself why.... Are your beliefs about abortion your own? Do YOU think they are wrong, or are you taking on someone else's belief?
Can you go to a crisis pregnancy center and get someone to help you through your options? Planned Parenthood?
If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, just take it a step at a time. It's hard, but try not to get bogged down in all the what-ifs until you get to them. For me, I told the father of my baby first (although he already suspected); then my parents; then my employer. Only then did I start researching adoption and parenting. As for what your friends will think... don't even waste a minute worrying about them. If they are your friends, they're not going to think you're a "whore" for getting pregnant. You can't control their reactions in any case, so please just try to focus on yourself and your own decisions....the things you CAN control. (Easier said than done, I know...)
I hope you're doing OK.
Nicole
P.S. Many women continue to smoke/drink the first few weeks of pregnancy, before they know they are pregnant. The chances that it adversely affected the baby for those few weeks are very, very slim. If you quit now, you should have a perfectly healthy baby. So please don't beat yourself up about that. ((hugs))
Im guessing youҒre in the Navy, based on what you said.
Can you talk to your chaplain?
If youre in the zone for a rate/rank promotion, they canҒt keep you from moving up because of pregnancy. You can still do your job, although Im sure your OB would put you on limited duty because of your MOS.
A couple of good things you have going for you here, being AD Military is that base childcare for AD mothers is generally free҅but if you even THINK that parenting is what you want to do, you need to call them TODAY and put yourself on the listseriously.
Financially, youŒll move out of the barracks (if thats where you still are) and into either base housing or out into town with BAH. If you decide to move out into town, the BAH will be more than a single, because you will have dependents.
Being in the military is the best place you can be when youҒre faced with an unplanned pregnancy.
Talk to Navy & Marine Corps Relief, they have programs you can get involved inthey can help you with gear and parenting classes and even adoption, should you choose to go that route.
You might even be able to find another single mother that you can share a place with out in townŅa lot of Marines do that.
Take some deep breathesyouŒll be fine!
Brandy had some good advice. I hope other girls in your similar boat will read your post and see how the choices made can have major life changing outcomes. I don't think your outcome is nessisarily negitive. You are going through a lot right now and being hit with much at once. You are entering a new chapter in your life now. Most likely things will get better. Unfortunately no one can answer for you what to do. You have some serious decisions to make that will forever effect you and your child's future. I am glad to hear you are allowing your baby to live. There are many wonderful couples out there that would be honered to be mom and dad to your baby. But the choice to raise your child could be a great one too. My best to you and best wishes in making your decisions.
Being a project manager, I tend to look at a situation and lay out options. Forgive me if it seems cold, it's just the way I think.
Basically, you've got 3 options:
1. Terminate the pregnancy - you've already indicated this isn't something you're considering
2. Give birth and parent
3. Give birth and place with adoptive parents
Each of these options has benefits and downsides, and each involves risk. No one here can advise you one way or another, because we're not in your shoes. They can relay their pesonal stories in hopes that you'll find similarities, that's the best we can do though. Being a single parent, especially AD, can be tough. Being a birth parent can be tough. They can also both be immensely rewarding.
As for the health of the child, at 6 weeks gestation probably nothing you've done has harmed this child's development short of a probable lack of folic acid - that is unless you take a multivitamin, eat lots of leafy green vegetables or drink orange juice/eat oranges regularly. Everything else is probably not damaging b/c the fetus has just attached to your uterine lining and is just beginning to draw nutrients. Still, despite any risk to your career you MUST disclose any substance use, legal or otherwise, to your physician. This way they can screen and monitor appropriately. This is especially true since you're regulary exposed to HAZMAT.
If you're AD/USN and you're in a sea rotation, then yes, you will be transferred to a shore station once the pregnancy is confirmed. This will pretty well negate your being named LPO or Shift Supervisor, b/c you won't be in that department. It doesn't however, mean you won't get this when you rejoin a ship.
They say pregnancy can hurt a female sailor, married or not and back when DH was first AD/USN that was very true. One of our good friends was with the first group of females to rotate to a ship (tender) and back then if you were pg, you were sent to shore duty and had to go back and redo sea duty completely once you delivered. Now you go to a 'neutral' station and keep your sea time intact - so when you rotate back you don't 'lose' the time you already earned. It still hurts a bit in your career, just not as much as it used to.
As far as your feeling not very good about yourself, I can say this. You're human. We all are. I could have easily been in your position about 200 times. Many others here can say the same. How others react will depend to a great deal on how you present, behave and react. You had it all together before, you can get it together again and people will see that. Does that make sense?
Hang in there.
Regina
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[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation]
Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.
I have no idea how it feels to be in your situation, but I do know what it is like to have goals and have set backs. Also what it is like to not want to disappoint the people around me.
Over the years when focused with obstacles I've learned to take a deep breath, try to relax, and break the mountain down into small hills. Then try to tackle a hill at a time.
Brandy mentioned some good points. I would suggest tackling the career issue first. I don't know military but I know business and Human Resources, and they can't stop you dead in your tracks due to pregnancy. If you are committed to your pregnancy (and I think you are) then I would suggest going to your boss or H.R. dept or whomever is appropriate and asking for a meeting to evaluate your options. You sound career focused and this may mean you deviate course but it doesn't mean another detour path won't also lead to success.
If you can't address family right now, then reach out to a chaplain or some other outside source that can lend you some emotional support as your work through your choices.
Although the career thing is something you'll probably have to deal with relatively soon. The other issues you are facing you have some time to deal with. All your questions don't have to be answered today. Give yourself some time to get use to this news. (((hugs)))
I read your post and you need to realize that this is a decision you and the birthfather need to make.I can only imagine what you must be going through...You just need to focus on what you feel is right for you and this baby.I am so happy that you did not choose abortion and I really admire your courage and strength to want this baby to have a life!You have other options either keeping the baby which could be a wonderful experience,but one you have to know you want very much so.The other is adoption.Adoption is not for everyone and you have to be sure this is something that you really want for your baby.There are different types of adoption open/closed.Open can be from pictures of the baby to phone calls to actual visits.Or a closed adoption where there is no contact with the baby at all.Also for adoption you can even pick out the adoptive parents you want.This is all something you really need to just take time and think about.I fully understand now might not be the time you were planning on a baby,but sometimes the best things in life are not planned.I hope whatever you decide that you are at peace with your decision.You will know in your heart what is best for your little one.Keep us posted.