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[font=Book Antiqua]Hello, i'm very new at this. This is my first post to an adoption forums. I'm a 32 year old single mother of a special need 8 year old little girl. I am now 15 weeks along and the father is living in another state and realy has nothing to do with me or this baby. He has a daughter who is now 16 years old and is in her life but not completly. I'm looking to giving this baby up for adoption but have no idea where to start or what to do. I'm scared, confused and stressed. I'm also scared that if I do give the baby up will go to a family or parnet that will not harm her or him as well as love the baby unconditional. Any advice helpful:confused: [/font]
well, I guess firstly you should involve the baby's father enough to offer him the chance to help decide on the baby's future. I mean, tell him you are considering adoption and why.
Next you should contact an agency, attorney or counselor to discuss your options... to truly examine adoption as an option to keep or dismiss. Remember, a lot of time agencies assume you are planning an adoption when you walk through the doors (or so I've read on many posts on these forums).
You should also contact Social Services to see what options they provide.
Now is the time to take care of your body, examine your life and discuss the future with the child's father.
Good luck
Maia
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I agree with the first reply, you need to talk to the father of the child, and explain why you are considering adoption. Being an adoptee, I can only imagine how hard it is to give up a child. However, at the same time, if you can't finacially, physically, or emotionally take care of this child, then you are doing one of the most selfless acts any human being to ever do. 33 yrs. ago I was placed for adoption. During that time period, it was VERY common for unwed mothers to seek out abortion. If I ever have the chance to meet my birth mom, the first words out of my mouth will be "THANK YOU!!" She gave me a chance at a life that she knew she couldn't offer me. I wish all the best with your decision. One more thing.....Don't ever think that you are a "bad" person for considering adoption. You are actually being a "great" parent by realizing that you may not be able to give this child a good life. God bless you in your decision. Remember, you have a whole lot of "family" out here to help support you in anyway we can.
Lots of hugs and kisses to you,
Julie
Very well said Julie! :)
By the way Julie it is so refreshing to hear from someone who loves and honors their bmom for the choices that she made.
You have just validated the lives and hearts of so many families out there.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Vanilla, I sent you an e-mail. Let me know how you are doing...
Think of you often
Hugs to all,
Maria
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Vanilla,
With adoption now, there have been so many strides to improve it. You always have the choice to do an "open adoption". Which means YOU know where that child is being placed, who the adoptive parents are etc. But more importantly, your child will be able to know who YOU are. When your child is old enough, they WILL NOT have a VOID that so many of us have. You not only need to think of yourself, you need to think about what is best for the child. I know you will make the right decision, for yourself and the baby. And whatever that decision is, don't let anybody, not even father, tell you it was wrong. If he can't understand why you are considering other options, then he is not only selfish, he is very ignorant.
Maria.............it took me a long time to realize that what my mother did was the RIGHT thing to do. In the 70's and earlier, a female who got pregnant out of wedlock, and with no father around, was shunned and made to be an outcast. She could have aborted me. Now, that I am older, and have 2 beautiful kids of my own, I realize the selfless act of LOVE that my birth mother bestowed onto me. She didn't hate me, that isn't why she gave me up. She loved me, and wanted a better life for me. So, to anybody out there, holding harsh feeling, or hatered in thier hearts towards thier birth mom I ask you to do one thing.........Look inside your heart, and know that she did the best thing for you! She made one of the hardest decisions any mom could make. That is truly UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!
God bless you both.
Julie
Vanilla,
I know that the bfather is making things really hard on you right now. I will continue to correspond with you via e-mail.
Everything that Julie has shared is right on target. We have discussed many of her points but I think that hearing from someone who was placed in a loving home will give you some type of comfort as you continue to make decisions regarding your journey.
Julie we can all learn from your journey and wisdom.
My sister-n-law was an unwed mother at 15 due to rape over 35 years ago. She chose life for her daughter and placed her in a loving home. She to was shunned and made an outcast; she endured the ridicule and held her head high because she chose life for her baby. Though it was difficult she chose not to explain her situation to every person who made awful comments.
A few years ago she and Diana were reunited in the delivery room at the hospital where she gave birth (it was a live in facility with a hospital). C has a wonderful relationship with her bdaughter and her children; interestingly enough they live two hours away from each other.
For years C dreamed of meeting her daughter and letting her know how much she loved her and why she made the choices that she did.
As a result I chose to have a very Open Adoption with my daughters family. In my opinion Open Adoption is a win, win situation for everyone.
Julie I can tell that you have a wonderful and loving heart. We are all so lucky that you are a part of the forum.
May you and your loved ones continue to be blessed and may your lives always be filled with love.
Feel free to PM me.
Maria
[font=Book Antiqua] I'm looking to giving this baby up for adoption but have no idea where to start or what to do. I'm scared, confused and stressed. I'm also scared that if I do give the baby up will go to a family or parnet that will not harm her or him as well as love the baby unconditional. Any advice helpful:confused: [/font][/QUOTE]
Hi, I am new here too. :)
I am sorry for the stress you are going through right now.
As an adoptive Mom, I can a sure you that there are people out there that can love an adoptive child as thier own. We adopted our 3 year old at birth and I forget that I didn't give birth to him myself. LOL!
We have an open adoption and his BMom comes to visit us often. She is now married and has 2 other children. She told me that she thinks about finding her husband after she gave our son up for adoption. She said though it's just thoughts, he is so much a child of our family that she would never take him back if she could.
You just need to find the right family, as you said you do know where to start, I hope someone here has good advice on that. My thoughts are with you. BTW, my husband and I are also foster parents. We wish to adopt again and in the mean time we are caring for children that need us.
Vanilla,
As you can see, you have alot of people that are very concerned about you. We are a family here. We all have the same concerns, same heartaches, same challenges. We will be here to help you every step of the way. There are so many loving families that can't have children of their own. Although I have 2 children, one my bio-logical daughter from my first marriage (miracle baby, was told couldn't get pregnant, and now had to have tubes removed, so no more children I can bare) and my step-son. I would love to have a child with my husband, but as I said above, I can not. I have thought of being a foster parent, like Sharon, however I am too afraid of getting attached, then having the child placed elsewhere. And adoption, unfortunatly these days has gotten quite expensive. So, Vanilla, do your research, have an open adoption like Sharon, this way, you will know that your prescious child, that you UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE will be in a loving, caring, and supportive home. If you wish to PM me, please do so. We are all praying for you, sweetie! Hang in there. If you ever need us, just email us. God bless you.
Sharon..........you are doing a wonderful thing. I commend you for having the courage, but more importantly the love in your heart to help those that need you. You are a very compassionate person. God bless you and your family
Julie
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