I feel horid

Don't feel childish. We are all entitled to feel our emotions. Go ahead and have a good cry. Once you're done crying, take the time to research all of your options, including finding out about affordable child care and discounts for more than one child IN child care, assistance you could possibly receive and so on. You did not mention the father of this child but note that even if he is not interested in being a father figure to the child, if you decide to parent he will be responsible for child support. Do not let him off of the hook! I don't care if he makes two bucks a week; he should be helping you to support the child. As for your family, I remember dreading the announcement. Yet, do know that you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions and they will have to live with it, whether they approve or not. Family is family, judgemental or not. Best of luck in everything.

[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation] Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

Hi. I placed my first child (a daughter) for adoption when I was 15. Then, I had a wonderful little girl that I am raising and she is five. I am 25 and pregnant and placing this child for adoption. I am angry at myself and hormonal and wanting to cry most of the time. I don't know what your situation is, but I know that I love my daughter, and I love kids, but I DO NOT want to raise another one alone. (I also left my ex when my daughter was 6 months old). The best thing that you can do is explore all your options and decide what is best for your children and you. Do not worry about your family. My father and grandfather have not spoken to me in 10 years, but placing my daughter at 15 was the only thing that I could do. It was my life my child and my decision. The best advice I can give you is decide what YOU want and need to do before you tell anyone. You need to be firm inyour own mind, b/c not knowing and getting feedback from people is the worst thing that you can do! Good luck!

Hello and I am sending you cyber hugs. I completely understand your pain and confusion and disappointment in yourself. I also understand being an adult and being so afraid because you are pregnant. I am a single mom to a 16 yr old boy that I have raised on my own. I conceived a baby boy in June 2003 at the age of 33. I too was terrified and wouldn't have the support of his father. I was so upset with myself bc I had promised myself that I would never be pregnant and alone again after that first time. Your family may be disappointed but if they are as close to you as you say they will stand by you no matter what you decide. I don't have the loving family you do and I didn't want my baby to experience the pain his older brother has of having a father who really doesn't care. So I chose adoption. I will admit it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and ever will do, I am sure. You don't have to make any immediate decisions and you can make the decision really late if you want, even after your baby is born. Then there are no potential adoptive parents to be disappointed. However potential aparents go into it knowing you could decide to parent. I know that doesn't make it any easier for them but you need to think about you and your babe right now and not worry about potential aparents. If you do chose adoption and still fear you will change your mind and are matched with a couple be sure to let them know of your hesitation. It won't make it any easier on them if you chose to parent but then at least they can prepare themselves for that possibility. Right now don't worry about any potential aparents ~ take care of you and yours. Even though I made the decision early in my pregnancy to go with adoption, it still took my whole pregnancy to really wrap my head around that idea. If you need an ear, I am here. Shell

Hello, I read you post and wanted to cry with you. I think the support given to you on the forum has been great. I just wanted to add something.... I was wondering if you thought of what your child that you now have will think of your decision. You said you could never abort so that leaves adoption and keeping your baby. I can tell you from the point of someone who is a bmom and also had my little brother given up for adoption when I was 2yrs. In my opinion you shouldn't worry about what your child will think should you choose adoption. I grew up knowing that my little brother was out there somewhere and loving him. I held on to a pic of his tightly until the whiteout that was covering his last name wore off. I never once felt angry or mad that my mother gave him up. I loved knowing he was out there waiting for me to find him. I did find him and just last night we spoke about my wedding. My opinion is that you not only need to think about the baby inside you but also the one you tuck in bed every night. I'm not saying give up your baby. I am saying think more about the child in your arms then the opinion of your family. I'm sure your family will love you no matter what you choose. I am so sorry and wish I had the answer for you. loveccl

If you do go with adoption and you chose to have an open one, your children won't have to grow up not knowing each other as the above poster did. My boys see each other monthly. My favorite pics are of my boys together!!! One is 16 and the other is adopted and now 10 months. They will always know they are brothers. Shell

I am 24, will be 25 next month. I have 3 beautiful children already, and am divorced. Being pregnant again, already struggling I knew I could not do this another time. I've chosen adoption. Abortion was never a choice. I'm only now 17 weeks, and have plenty of time to still get used to this entire situation. But feel in my heart this is the best thing I could ever do for this child. I've (hopefully) found the best couple possible already, and have started becoming close to them, as we both agree to have an open adoption. She understands I have children, and feels they have the right to all know each other. I am sure you will think things through, and figure out the right answer to your situation, as everyone's is different. My family is behind me completely 100% and it's helped tremendously. My ex husband and I are actually in the process of trying to work things out, and he too is behind me in my decision to give the baby up for adoption. I was truly blessed with a wonderful man. Please feel free to email anytime at wtf_ever4@yahoo.com, as I may not completely understand your situation, but feel we have more in common than we think. And if anything, can listen and give opinions. I will keep you and yours in my prayers......

I read your post,and my heart goes out to you.I am a hopeful adoptive mom and totally respect any birthmom who makes the courgeous and loving decision of adoption.Adoption is not for everyone,and if you feel in your heart you could not let this baby go...then please keep the baby as adoption is not for you.You will need time to think of what you feel is best for both you and this baby.After meeting and talking to the birthmom who chose us,we realized for her she only wanted what is best for her baby.We all completely get along and respect and share our feelings with one another.Its something that is extremely important to us as adoptive parents..we value her opinions and have a very good friendship.We realize this must be the hardest decision this birthmom has ever had to make,and we really realize this is definitely not an easy thing to do.Please just go with your heart...you will know in the end what is best for your baby.God Bless

Hey Big hugs to you !! I just placed my son 5 months ago and I really never thought that I would be able to do it either and It was a very thought out process for me. I prayed too !! Lots and lots of prayer !! I knew what I had to do cause I would never be able to keep my son and be able to raise my daughter and him !! Anyway I am not trying telling you what to do this is your choice. Think about it and look at all your options and do what you know is going to be best for your baby and you ... your children. Think about what they need ! It is hard and dont feel childish for crying your situation is a hard one. Pray that always help at least if you walk with the Lord ! I will be praying for you !! God bless Jess

Don't be ashamed to cry. It is very normal and healthy to cry and to let your emotions go. I can not even imagine what I would feel to be in your shoes. Like most of the other posts. Pray and research your options. Then if you decide to adopt be at peace with that decision. If you decide to parent, you would be suprised of the resources available for you. I bet you will be surprised at your family's reaction too. May God be with you in your decision making. Toni

35 years ago I was scared as well and thought that giving away my daugter away was the best decision. For me it was not. It was the worst thing that I ever could have done for me and for her. She had a nice family, but she has told me she has always felt rejected and abandoned. Though she loves her aparents, she said she wished I could have been braver and worked things out so she could have been raised in her true family. I know you feel ashamed now and don't know how to tell your immediate family - but you know, once your child is born - its grandparents and its aunties and uncles will be there for you. I was told that giving my child to childless couple would be my redemption - would absolve me of my sin of conceiving out of wedlock - they did not tell me I was actually turning my back to God who have given this gift of life to me.

I dont see how anyone can turn their back on God by placing a child for adption. He himself gave his son for us so that he might adopt us. That is besides the point though. just do what you feel would be best for your children and you. Your descion is yours and yours alone to make. Jess

I can't even imagine how you would think a decision as unselfish as adoption is could be turning your back on God? That is a little harsh don't you think. There would be alot less children floundering around in foster care if young and old mothers alike would seriously consider their circumstances and their ability to parent a child before deciding not to place their child for adoption. It's a very wise women who can recognize and accept the limitations she has in her life at this point and choose to place their child in a home where they will be provided with everything they desire for their child to have that they can't provide at this point in their life. God has compassion for us when we are in such stressful times. And he would in no way judge a birthmothers for searching out a wonderful family for their baby. There are so many beautiful families unable to bear children and are praying and asking for God for such a gift on a daily basis, this is truly a gift from him when b-mom's place their babies with these families!! I thought this board was to support each other and not be judgmental? Betsyhopeful adoptive mom in 2005

I ususally don't get into the great God debates, but alas sometimes I will give in. Although placing a child for adoption is so often touted as being holy and unselfish....it can be, in many ways, a somewhat selfish act in a sheeps clothing. I DO understand what Kindreds is referring too. We become pregnant before what we think is the "right" time..or maybe it is even as wrong as a time as it can possibly be...and can trully believe that adoption is the right way to go. It can seem, before actually living through it, that accepting our limitations is mature and wise. It can seem to be wonderful to be the answer to another's prayer for a baby. It can seem that we are doing the best we can, when sometimes, what we are doing is really doubting ourselves and the ability to rise up to the challange of motherhood. That we let the circumstances around a miracle of conception cloud our ability to see that miracle. And in fact, I will go so far to go and say, that perhaps God, in his infinant wisdom, does go and give the gift of a child even to those in odd circumstances and expects us to accept and love those children dispite the bad timing of their births. I placed my child for all the "right" reasons, and now, looking back..I know I could have done it. I could have parented and parented well, but I let the doubt and fear make the decsion for me. It was easier to be the "angel" and give the "gift of love" allowing someone else to raise my child, then buckle up and do the hard work and accept that my life had changed. Instead of dealing with the reality that my pregnancy was, I hid from the conflict that it probably would have caused in my family ( for maybe 6 months tops really) and continued to live in the fantasy that I was not a mother yet. But reality wins..and I was a mother..and being a mother without a child is very hard as is being a child who is maybe feeling rejected by his/her own mother. And 17 years later, I am still a mother who longs to know what her child 's voice sounds like, just as I bet my son would like to know my real name. If I had put up with the 6 months or so of issues at family dinners years ago, I would not have a missing face at my own dinner every night and children that do not know their own sibling. The conflicts would be long over, instead they just keep going, morphing, moving on. The immediate crisis of that pregnancy would be long gone..and I would jut have the normal joys and sorrows of being a parent to my boy. If God gives us the gift of children, then who am I to decide to return that gift ( or re-gift as they say now..oh, so tacky!!) in exchange for something else I wanted..like more of my "young" life..or better circumstances around a child's birth? Yes, it was my life, and my decision, and really..I have a good life now, but could it have been also good with my first boy in tow? It didn't just effect me,my decision. It didn't just benefit those who wanted him..my whole family lost out on who that boy was as a baby, as a young boy, as a young man. My mother died when I was 26. Maybe I was given Max as an early pregnancy so that she could be a grandmother for the last 7 years of her life..who was I to question that? So much cannot be forseen when faced with the immediate issue of an untimed pregancy. Yes, having a baby is life altering, but it will be no matter what is decided. Adoption does not tie it all up in a pretty package and make it all better. It is still there..maybe not the "gift", not the child, but there is always the wrappings, the empty box, the ruined bow, the crossed out gift tags...lying around, hiding out under the bed, peeking out of closets....reminding us of what is no longer ours. We can get though the stressful times if we are willing to try. Willing to help ourselves and make the future happen for us and our children. A few lean years in the beginning is no curse for a lifetime of hardships, but placing a baby is inviting pain as a permenant resident in one's soul. If one want their child to have more in life, a better life; then we have the ability to make that happen. I dare say, we have the responsibilty to try. The majority of infant adoptions made by mothers who have the love and intelligence to go to an agency, make an adoption plan, and pick out adoptive parents are not children at risk for abuse or even foster care. These are the babies that are loved, and wanted, just ill timed in ill times by moms who doubt themselves and fear the changing future ( or an unchanging furture) a little too much. But it all does change, and we ususally do end up in a better place, often not to long after, but then it is too late. We usually do manage to climb out out of the hole we were in when we found ourselves pregnant becasue none of us are really people who desire to live in holes for too long. We get to the better life because not only do we desire the better life for our children, we desire it for oursleves. And then we find ourselves in a wonderful place but missing an essential piece of our lives, of oursleves, of our families. So, Libran..cry if you need to, freak out on the bad timing of life...then batten down the hatches and embrace it..embrace this child you have been given, this life that is yours. Adapt to the change and just enjoy it. Accept help when you need it and know that you can do it and do it well. Don't doubt in yourself any second longer than you need to and grab this life by the horns. Don't give your life away..live it yourself. Anything is possible and good times are coming..just have some patience and faith. Congratualtions!!! claud stepping off my soapbox now

Claud that was so very well said and a point of view I never would have thought of myself as I have never placed a child up for adoption. I'm sorry if I made it sound like "the only right answer" for an ill timed pregnancy. But it just hurt me for the girl who posted in pain to be told she was turning her back on God. I can only imagine the agony of having to make that decision but your definitely right in some occasions it takes guts and determination to parent, my mother raised four girls alone and we all are successful grown healthy women. I am living proof that if you really want to do it alone you can. Thanks for bringing out that very valid point! Thanks