Advice needed

i hope you get the help your looking for no one can live for you. I hope you and your children have wonderful lives.And remember life is never perfect it can only be what you make it and your choices affect the people in your life not just you if this is what you feel is right than for you it must be but you also have a long time to go before you give birth alot of bonding can happen in 5 months right now you seem unsure you never now what the coming months may bring. No matter what choice you decide in the end your the one that has to live with it for the next 18 years so everyone here can tell you of there experinces but you won't truely now how you will feel about letting your baby go until the time comes. I hope you have all the strenght you need to do whats right for you no matter what you decide to do when the time comes and I hope your life only gets better from here on and who knows maybe everything will work out for the best and you'll get everything you dream of. And sometime in the future you can look back and be truely happy with your decision. I really think other peoples opions have no factor in making other peoples life choices. And I hope you have the courage to do what you need to do no matter what that is I hope you do well in life and in all you do.

Dear Leigh C, I used to always come on here while I was pregnant, asking for support from other bmoms... you can find my thread its called "struggling with decision"... I decided to not post again after that because of how horrible a lot of people made me feel. I, just like you, had already decided that my daughter deserved more than I could give, but I felt bashed and trampled on by many of these bmoms shame and trauma. You are your childs mother, no one else is. You know in your heart what your child needs and deserves. I completely understand the dream you have for your child. It sounds like you dont want them to ever be alone, be craddled 24/7, have the best start to life possible so they can succeed. I also understand how you want to have a career and not live, paycheck by paycheck. I made the open adoption choice only one month ago for my daughter. I had the same dream as you. Except it was a result of a one-night-stand. I do not regret my decision at all. I know I did what was best for my daughter, when I see her smile and happiness, and the absolute love she receives, I cannot regret this. I would have never been able to hardly spend any time with her if I went to work full time and school full time. She would be alone, and I would barely be making it for us. That is not ideal. All my reasons for wanting to keep her were im sorry to say but selfish, I needed her, I wanted her all to myself, I only wanted her to know and love me, shes all mine, these were things I felt that were uncontrollable. I always thought well at least she would have me, she can always have me in this open adoption, she will always know me. Sure, I will not be there always, but she'll know Im there always. I just wanted to give you support and a GINORMOUS hug because I completely understand your struggle and grief. I am actually going to be writing a book about my experience and also including other bmoms stories. Im working with an adoption publishing agency on it. If youre interested, you can be apart of it just PM me. Dont let anyone on here get you down because heavens knows it got to me bad. It takes a very strong, protective, and nurturing love to place your child for adoption. When its all said and done, you will know you did what you felt was really the best for your child, and I completely support you on that and so should everyone else. When reading the responses you got, I just wanted to personally offend all the ones that made my teeth clench. I wish I could filter out all the negativity for you because I know in your delicate condition, its hard to take that scrutiny anyways, let alone from women who have made an adoption decision. I admire your courage and love for your child... you are indeed a very strong women and May God Bless You and Your Child Completely... Stay in Touch & Stay Strong p.s. If you need to talk at any time, pm me... I absolutely feel for you and wish to support you as best as I can... I will be praying for you and your child

Dire ~ I am so sorry you didn't get the support you needed here. Not all birthmoms are angry and "wounded." Deciding on adoption is a difficult decision. Having shame and guilt dealt out is NO HELP, especially when one knows in their heart they are doing something positive for the child. I'm so glad that things worked out for you, and I hope you have many years of good communication and involvement with your child's adoptive family. I know I found great peace after my daughter's placement. There were "down" days, but knowing she had the life I so wanted for her was my motivating factor to keep going. ((((((HUGE HUGS FROM ONE BIRTHMOM TO ANOTHER)))))) ~Deb

Thank you MissngLinkinFL, I do remember that you were the one person I always liked on here, having read your responses to threads especially, you are so full of wisdom and support. I totally understand the "down" days but it really does get better each and everyday. I totally know I did the best thing. I'm so glad you found peace of mind as well in your decision. It sounds like you've been through a lot as well, I admire your strength greatly. If you are interested as well, I would love to hear your story and if you wish, include it in my book im writing that is for birthmoms, all about the struggles and joys. Thank you again for being a support, to me and to Leigh C and others... God Bless! PS if you are interested, you can pm me

Dire ~ Wow! I am so glad that you were able to get something positive from my posts. I'm just sorry that I was not there to reach out to you when you needed support. I'd love to talk to you more. I will PM you my email addy. ~Deb

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Dire, I wanted to chime in with Deb and say I'm so sorry that you felt attacked in a place where you should have been supported. Really, NOT all of us bmoms are angry! [/FONT]

You don't have to use a local agency. You can go to Agency URL [Edited To Remove the URL to an agency or fee for service website.] and go to the expectant parents side. There are a lot of resources there to find an agency. pamP

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

Hi Leigh! I saw your posts and your original post about your agency. I wanted to send you a heartwarming email that open adoption can be beautiful and you DO NOT have to go through an agency depending on where you live. Also, totally open adoptions are possible. We adopted our son, John, from birth on 9/1/2001. His birthmom, Jennifer, only requested letters and photos. We fell in love with her and she is an integral part of our lives. Just last night, she asked for our son to be her ring bearer and me to be her Matron of Honor when she marries next April. Tell me that isn't beautiful? We are so excited! [Edited To Remove a Identifying information for confidentiality purposes.] WendyAnn

Leigh, Hi! I am also a Bmother I have 4 children which i gave up for adoption. I think it was the right thing i could do for my children when i gave them up for adoption. Yes it does hurt me on days that i gave them up for adoption but i do feel that it was the best thing for them. I think everyone needs to do what is right for theirself and their children and if you feel that this is what is best for you child then that is what you should do. I don't regrat one bit on giving up any of my children due to my age at the time and what was going on in my life. I told myself if i love my kids alot i would do what is right for them and give them the kind of life i could not give them at the time. God bless you acrazy

You have such courage and strength to do what is best for your children. I respect that. As a christian myself, I have been in a Bible Study talking about how God has adopted all of us into his family. Adoption is a wonderful choice. It helps others create a family that they can't create themselves. Your beliefs are so strong and I admire that. I wish you strength, widsom, and courage during this decision. We are going through an adoption agency right now to find that perfect birthmom, but if I could have found the lady that did our web site first, that's what I would have choose to do. If you would like her name I would be glad to give it to you. She is a Christian and helps people adopt on their own, with her help. She is so supportive and encouraging. She would be happy to talk with you. Please let me know. I would like you to read a poem that my husband wrote to a possible birthmom.[font='Comic Sans MS']Thank You, Thank You[/font]

I am glad you are praying about your decision. Don't feel bad about having to make a tough decision. Everyone gets into situations that they don't want to be in and you have to make the decision that is right for you and your baby. There are many agencies out there that do open adoptions. You may have to do some searching to find the right one. If you need to talk, don't hesitate. We too are searching but on the other end. We want to adopt a little girl. Good luck on your decision and search. Toni

What is best for one may not be best for another. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but questioning her religion is a little out of line. Of course God gave her this child for a reason but his reason may have been to bless a family who could not have children with her child. I have not only heard of people getting pretty using birth control and condoms but have also heard of people getting pregnant after having their tubes tied. I'm very thankful that you have a wonderful life but not everyone comes from your "happy" place. Please don't think I am now attacking you that is not at all my intention. I just hope you understand that not everyone can be as "comfortable" in their lives as you are and don't deserve to be judged for it.

If you have never given a child up for adoption or adopted a child yourself, why are you here? Just to give advice? Excuse me if I sound harsh but I think it would be difficult to give advice on a situation you have never experienced.

Dear Leigh,I am Regina Leigh, I became pregnant at 18 while on birth control and the father used a condom. I have read through all of the responses to your request for help.It is a hard decision to make, and you will go through a grieving period, I did and got a great deal of help by seeing a counsoler for 1 year after the birth, the adopted parents paid for it. I went in once a week and it made a huge difference. I did an open adoption with the help of a local attorney. My child is in the same state as I am I know where she lives and I picked her adoptive parents. I could not be a parent to her at the time she was born, but I knew from the moment I meant her adoptive parents they would be perfect. I have written letters ever few years to let them know where I am. I am now married with a girl 16 and a boy 14. I think of the baby girl I gave up and I know in my heart she is happy and loved. I hope someday she will find me I would love to see her. But I promised her parents I would never interfer with her life and I have stood by that promise. I did not want them to worry at the time of the birth that I would change my mind, so I flew to another state so the release papers could be signed right away. You must know in your heart it is the right thing for you and your baby. If you feel that it is, I would try looking up a local adoption attorney, I also got a lot of help from my OBGYN who was very supportive of my decision. One of the most important things I can tell you is have as many supportive people around you that you can. I had my mom, grandmother, aunts, brother, doctor and attorney. I will watch and see how things go for you. If you need to talk let me know.God Bless you and your child.Regina