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Hi All
I would love to hear from birthmom's. The question I would like to know the answer to is :
"What have you missed the most, over the years since relinquishing your child, what do you wish the most that you could have done or said for your child, while they were growing up?"
I hope some of you are willing to share, and open your hearts :)
Collette
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My son that I placed is only 4 months so I dont yet know what I will miss of just him. I know that I miss seeing him and my older son together. When we go visit Ben (my older son) looks at him and gives him hugs and tries to pick him up by his head :) and all that sort of stuff. So I miss the close brother bond that they might not have.
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What I have missed the most since the loss of children, has been the play times we shared. I guess it might seem strange to many people but the happiest days of my life have always been with my babies and making them laugh and smile. I'm in my 50's now and the hope of grandchildren had begun stirring in my soul. I'm in reunion with oldest child, have one grandchild, now a teenager. Misssed out on the birthday parties and the chances to be a kid myself. Oh, well. My son is still unaware of my existance. Don't know if he has any children but at this late date my hopes of being granny are limited to neighborhood children. Anyway, my children were my reason to smile, and I indulge in the memories often, I find peace that my kids , while they were in my care, were happy , bubbling gifts of joy to my life .
[font=Verdana]I miss holding both my daughters, that I didn't see them take their first steps and so on. Well and I ache to hold my 5 month old again in my arms and to hug my 2 year old and just to see them again and look in their beautiful blue eyes.[/font][font=Verdana][/font] [font=Verdana]I miss their smiles, laughs, their cute little noses and well, like everyone else...just everything, a lot of things.[/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]I also miss their sweet, innocent little spirits that touched me so deeply and brought so much happiness to me when I was pregnant with them and spent their first few days of life with them. My two sweet angels, I love them, miss them, pray for them and think about them so much every day. I live my life to be someone my daughters as well as myself and the Lord will be proud of.[/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]If you haven't already read my poem, "The Other Mother", it pretty much sums up what I and others miss about their birth children in a way. You can check out the poem, if you'd like and you haven't here.[/font][url="http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=193487"]http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=193487[/url] And I saw someone post that they had no regrets in response to what they miss the most and I don't think that there's anything wrong with missing these things about our birth children. It's just a part of the grief as well as the whole adoption package. If you miss your child or something about them because you placed them for adoption, it doesn't mean you have regrets, just means you love and miss your child like everyone else does. I myself have no regrets either and have a strong, deep 100% conviction that I did what was right and best for both my daughters and myself, but I still miss them. I still miss things about them I'm not getting to see, which is normal and has nothing to do with regrets. Anne :)
FatBirdy I ache for you and wish it could have been the happy ending for you. Unfortunatly not all birthparents can come to terms witheir choices. I love my daughter and her parents and really have been able to be a part of each thing in her short 3 years. I know we have many more mile stones to go in our story and will keep you in the back of my mind in each one.I also hope that one day your birthmother comes to terms with her choice and realizes what she has missed out on.
I will miss everything...and the hard part is everything that i miss i will never be able to experience with my daughter.There is one thing though taht i will never forget... when i was in the hospital for 3 days after..she looked up at me with her big blue eyes and gave me this beautiful mischievious grin..that took right after her dads..which was one of the reason that made me fall in love with him in the first place. Missing everything always,
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Thought I would read this thread because for me as an adoptee it gives me insight into how birthmothers think although everyone is unique, most have some things in common. From what some of you said, you miss things because you relinquished and it makes me wonder if my bmom misses things by not having kept or been able to keep me even though she went on to marry and have 2 sons, perhaps she still missed me and missed having a daughter. It does warm my heart about some things you guys have said that you missed.Also wanted to say that I agree with Numbr1 that what Megan said stuck me as funny but perhaps because she is young and has only been a few years since she relinquished that perhaps in time she will have a different perspective on things. By all means, I am not advocated that any bmom should or should have to wallow in self-pity about having given up a child but it does warm me that they miss things about the child which tells me that they did love them. For me as an adoptee and many other adoptees, it is important that we know we were loved by our bmoms. Janet
What have I missed? Everything. I missed my son learning to crawl, learning to walk and his very first words. I missed watching his first day at school, the silly school plays, the picture he drew me stuck on the wall. I missed him becoming a teenager and telling me to "*****" and rebelling (!). I missed his graduation from university, his further graduation & watching him become a man. I missed tellling him bedtime stories, playing with trains & cars. I missed hearing the word "Mommy". I missed his smiles & laughter, his tears .... Someone else got all of that. They were lucky. I am glad that my son had caring aparents & that they gave him such a good start in life. I am glad that he had siblings to grow up with (I never had another child - didn't think I could replace what I had lost + too scared of further abandonment & same thing happening to me/baby again). I missed being able to tell him that I loved him and that he was all the world to me. I hope that, one day, he will allow me to tell him all of this (we are now 1 year+ into reunion) because over 30 years on - I still love him and he is still all the world to me.
ingodshands
Hi All
I would love to hear from birthmom's. The question I would like to know the answer to is :
"What have you missed the most, over the years since relinquishing your child, what do you wish the most that you could have done or said for your child, while they were growing up?"
I hope some of you are willing to share, and open your hearts :)
Collette
"There are just too many things that I have missed to list. But I do not regret those things. I made the right choice and that has to be enough for me personally. I don't mean to sound harsh but if I sit and think about all I've missed it hurts so much I can't breathe and my heart breaks all over again."
Bless you. :flower: I can understand how thinking of things you missed can hurt so much that it is unbearable to think about it, therefore you force yourself not to. Totally understandable and I hope I didn't upset you by creating this thread.
:grouphug:
Collette
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Janet Heath
Thought I would read this thread because for me as an adoptee it gives me insight into how birthmothers think although everyone is unique, most have some things in common.
From what some of you said, you miss things because you relinquished and it makes me wonder if my bmom misses things by not having kept or been able to keep me even though she went on to marry and have 2 sons, perhaps she still missed me and missed having a daughter. It does warm my heart about some things you guys have said that you missed.
Also wanted to say that I agree with Numbr1 that what Megan said stuck me as funny but perhaps because she is young and has only been a few years since she relinquished that perhaps in time she will have a different perspective on things.
By all means, I am not advocated that any bmom should or should have to wallow in self-pity about having given up a child but it does warm me that they miss things about the child which tells me that they did love them.
For me as an adoptee and many other adoptees, it is important that we know we were loved by our bmoms.
Janet
"I missed being able to tell him that I loved him and that he was all the world to me. I hope that, one day, he will allow me to tell him all of this (we are now 1 year+ into reunion) because over 30 years on - I still love him and he is still all the world to me."
That is so lovely, I hope one day you get the chance to tell your son that, life is too short not to tell those we love how much they mean to us.
Collette
And I saw someone post that they had no regrets in response to what they miss the most and I don't think that there's anything wrong with missing these things about our birth children. It's just a part of the grief as well as the whole adoption package. If you miss your child or something about them because you placed them for adoption, it doesn't mean you have regrets, just means you love and miss your child like everyone else does.
I myself have no regrets either and have a strong, deep 100% conviction that I did what was right and best for both my daughters and myself, but I still miss them. I still miss things about them I'm not getting to see, which is normal and has nothing to do with regrets.
ingodshands
Hi All
I would love to hear from birthmom's. The question I would like to know the answer to is :
"What have you missed the most, over the years since relinquishing your child, what do you wish the most that you could have done or said for your child, while they were growing up?"
I hope some of you are willing to share, and open your hearts :)
Collette
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I too miss everything...I wish I had been told how great it is and what a priviledge it is to be a parent. I was not ready to parent....it took me years to take that step...now that I have I realised that it is the best and the hardest job ever! I miss that she will never call me mommy and that she will never throw her arms around me and give me a big sloppy kiss. If I could turn back time I would never, ever let her go. I realise now that the best I can hope for is some sort of friendship with her...this may or may not happen and that the whole adoption angst will always sit between us...ugh...
[font=Comic Sans MS]I miss not being the one to rub her back while she is falling asleep. I miss not being the one she runs to when she just wants to be held. I miss waking up in the middle of the night to find out that at the same time she was having trouble sleeping and was crying.[/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I miss everything. :( [/font]