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Vanessa, I think it is so awesome that you are asking that question and that you are reading the stories on the forum. Back in the era that I was adopted my parents were given NO information. There were NO answers to my questions. To complicate matters I am now realizing that my parents could never talk about my birthparents as it would make them feel as "less" of a parent (if that makes sense). My parents never validated my feelings causing me such confusion growing up. On another thread my great friend, MariMari, posted this:
I read once that when we have children and lets say that they fall down, rather than saying after they fall down, get up, you're OK, we'd better serve and validate them by saying something like, oh, that must have hurt, then encourage them to get up and go...and as little babies who are adopted to say something like you must be missing your mother, and how that must hurt...little things go a long way in encouraging emotional validation...our feelings are important.
The gals on the forum have given you a great list of questions to ask. Do you think it would be possible to ask the bparents to make a scrapbook, or enough pictures and handwritten items and family momentos so that you can make one? I have often thought how awesome it would've been to have a scrapbook about "where I came from."
Good luck to you. And thanks again for asking for our input.