soul searching

Well first of all I am glad you or your child did't get hurt from his abuse. And just know that even though it hurts you are much better off without him no one deserves to be abused. You have to start fresh and move on without him in your life the pain will go away you need to put you and the baby first you must have a strong family if your sister was willing to take custody of your daughter and maybe she will do the same for this child if that is what you decide is best. And as for you not being as happy with this pregnancy you have to realize that all pregs are different all of mine were with the first one I was excited and scared but didn't know what to expect by the time I had my second child I was happy but more scared because I knew what to expect and with my third I was really scared and happy. And all three of my daughters were planned pregnancys me and my husband did all the planning and perparing for all three but I was still scared everytime its hard going 9 months knowing what is going to happen the pain of birth the joy of holding your baby for the first time and seeing them open there eyes and grasp your finger there is alot of joy and alot of pain and right now you probally feel overwhelmed and no one can blame you for that but as long as you keep smilling then nothing will hold you down and your right there are so many people out there that have it worse off than you. You know the pain and joy of giving birth and that in itself is a gift alot of women never get what you are now experiencing for the second time. So be greatful for what you have and try to find a program for mothers tobe or support group with women that can relate to what your goin through it may help to talk to some women face to face try your local health department for programs in your area. Good luck and I hope your life only gets better from here.

Well, I can relate to you a lot. I'm 27 also and I just placed my second daughter four months ago and my first daughter is turning two years old today so I'm a little down, missing her today. Anyway, the bfather of my 4 month old was an abusive one also and before I got pregnant, I kept trying to get out of the relationship and kept getting sucked back in so I understand how you may have felt trapped because I did. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had to put my child first and that was what helped me to have the courage and will power to get out of the relationship with this abusive guy once and for all. I've been in bad patterns of relationships most of my life, but since I've been through counseling for like the past 3 years and such, I'm now breaking out of my bad pattern behavior. A book that was a key factor in helping me besides all the supportive people in my life and God, is the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie - it's a good book, if you want to check it out. So, as for words of comfort or what not, I guess just that there is hope, if you want it, if you believe in yourself and want to try. You can break out of the cycle of unhealthy behavior even though it may take time, cuz I, myself, am living proof of breaking out of the cycle :). If you want to talk, you can send me an e-mail at allieandanna@hotmail.com. Good Luck. You're in my prayers. *Hugs* Anne :)

I read your post and my heart goes out to you.I can imagine how scared and confused you are.The good thing is the abusive boyfriend is gone.I am glad you have the courage not to run back to him,that means an awful lot.Do you know what you want for this baby? Is adoption what you are thinking about?Please know adoption is not for everyone,but something you should take the time to really think about.The choice is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life.I know you must feel so alone,but know there are people who would help you.This board is filled with good information and helpful advice.Please understand sometimes things may not work out they way you planned or wanted,but in the end everything will be okay.You will know in your heart what is best for this baby.If you feel you could not possbily take care of this baby then maybe you should look into adoption.Please keep us posted and may God Bless you.

I am sorry to hear of your situation but glad you are out of the abusive relationship. You caught my eye when you said someone else has it worse than I do! I always say that and in fact said it this morning. We are at opposite ends of our lives as you are pregnant and I am having a self pity party because we can't get pregnant. Believe in yourself!! Love yourself!! and love your children and that includes the one growing inside of you right now. You will know what to do when the time is right! Stay strong! Stay healthy! and stay safe! We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers!!

I am very sorry for what you have gone to. I recommend that, if you have not, contact a crisis pregnancy center. They will be able to provide you with references to counselors and support groups that can help you with all of this. They are accustomed to dealing with women in your type of situation and help them make decisions that are in the best interest of the child-which since you are no longer in the abuse may be keeping your child, maybe not-that is up to you to determine. They can help you look at the facts as well as finding help in dealing with recovering from abuse, whatever you decide for your child.