I am 22 years old and I'm already a single parent. The father of the child that I am pregnant with now is in a bind. He is 42 years old with four kids and three different women that he had them with. I DO NOT want to have an abortion but that's what he's pushing for. I have had an abortion before and I remember the empty sick feeling that ir gave me for the lonest time. He keeps saying how he understands what a hard decision that is but he doesn't. He isn't carrying this baby inside of him. I wake up every morning and don't have the luxury of pretending this isn't real. I have the symptoms to remind me. He doesn't understand. I think that he's being selfish with the whole decision, it's all about him. I just want to be clear on what I want to do but first I have to figure out what that it. Any advice?
I'm so sorry to hear of this situation that you're in.
As to what you could do, your options are to single parent, place the baby for adoption or have an abortion. You sound as if you have already crossed off abortion from that list of options and you're right, you shouldn't have to have one or base your decision on what the father of your child wants.
So that leaves you with the options of single parenting this child or placing this child for adoption. Neither me or anyone else can tell you what to do. This is a decision that you will have to make on your own.
There are positive and negative experiences when talking about placing a child for adoption and as you're already a single parent, you know what that is like. So, my suggestion to you would be to go talk with a counselor, who can help you look at your options and help you to be able to come to a decision on your own that you will feel comfortable and alright with because you are the one who will have to live with this decision whatever choice you end up making, not the father or anyone else.
My experience is that I am a birthmom to two beautiful daughters. I thoroughly researched my options and talked with a counselor and others before I came to the decision to place my girls for adoption both times. So, I would suggest talking with others and gathering info and making sure that you make a well informed decision.
I am okay and 100% at peace with my decision that I made to place both my girls for adoption, but there are other birthmothers who have placed their children for adoption and have regrets also. There are many here who will be able to help and give you the advice and support you need in making this decision, but just remember that your experience with whatever decision you make will be different than anyone else's has been.
If you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to send me a PM (private message).
God Bless.
Anne :)
First of all I must tell you that I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I too am going through the same situation with my babies father, just a little diffrent. He wants me to place the baby for adoption, but I can't just walk away from my child like he has. The only advice I can give you is to tell you, that you have to make the decision for yourself, and no one can tell you what to do. You must know that you may regret whatever decision you make, no matter what it is, but you have to know that you're making the right decision for you at that time. You must take care of you before you can take care of this baby. Please don't do anything like have an abortion because he wants you to, it sounds like you really don't want to. Men have ways of being able to walk away uneffected by their own children, it's not fair but that's just how they are. Once again, I'm really sorry youre going through this, if you need anything let me know.
Also, Welcome to Our Adoption Website and Community,
I am a moderator here and want you to know that if anyone should try to solicit you, wanting to adopt your baby or try to pressure you into placing your baby for adoption with them, that is not allowed.
If someone should contact you, trying to solicit you about adopting your baby, please make sure to let me or one of the other moderators, MrsSmith, Crick, echaos, leaabc123, know about it so we can take care of it.
Also, if you have any questions or concerns about how things work here, then feel free to contact me or one of the other moderators. We're here to help and I know that you'll find great support, help and advice from everyone here.
Anne :)
Doinitalone, the only advise I shall give is do what is right for you and don't let any anyone try to persuade you to do anything you're not sure about. This is about you and your unborn baby, and, what's best for you.
Pip :flower:
Hello, I am new here. I was lurking and happened to see this post and registered just so I could answer.
I could have (almost) written your post four years ago. I was in nearly the identical situation - 22, already a single mom, the "father" of the baby essentially useless and not interested in raising a child. I'd had enough time to fully grasp how challenging and sometimes heartbreaking single parenting is.
I chose to give the baby up for adoption. I won't give the whole story here, but if you are interested in talking, feel free to message or email me. It's a tough situation to be in, and I'm sure you can use all the support you can get.
i was in the same position last year. i brokeup with my deadbeat bf and then found out i was pregnant so i decided to tell him and let him know that i was going to give the baby up for adoption he didnt like the idea to much and told me either to get back with him and to raise the baby together or i was to get an abortion so much for being nice to him well i told him that wasnt going to happen so he told me he was going to take me to court and he would rather me have to take care of the baby all the time and him be able to get to see the baby every other weekend then let me do what i want. it wasa big stress factor on me and i ended up miss carrying. what are guys problems now i am with a guy who has a 7 year old daughter and he is a great dad and is always there for her. she now lives with us too... i am so sorry for what your going through. i am also a child who was adopted and i am glad my mother who was too young at the time to raise me did what she did to make sure i lived and had a great life. i love her for that.
I was in the same situation when I was 20. I was drunk when I met the father and his only thought was getting me to his house so he could have sex w/me. I ended up pregnant and alone. I was living with some people: my cousin and her husband who pastored this church and when they found out started hating me, forcing me to hurry up and decide what I wanted to do. My advice is let NO ONE make this decision for you. Foreget the man. He is being selfish and he just doesn't want anymore children he has to support. And believe it or not having another abortion could make you sterile then you wouldn't be able to have a baby when you really are planning for one.
Wait it out then when YOU are ready make your decision to keep or you could place the child in foster care until you are prepared and have a place for baby and you to live. Please don't be rushed into this decision and give yourself time to get an idea what you want to do. Adoption is painful too, but not like abortion. Take one day at a time and maybe read God's word every day so you won't be alone.