A New Year

At the start of this new year there are many things going through my mind. One of them is the fact that my oldest son will be 14 this year which means that I could see him again in as little as four more years. That scares me, not because I don't want to know him, but because I am afraid of what he will think of me as I have not made that much of my life. For the most part it has taken all I've had just to survive in this world. So I am no one he can be proud of really. I know that the placement itself was one reason for him to be proud of me but that is abouot the only one. I am wondering if any other birthparents or adopted children have ever felt this way? Please let me know.