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Quote from the bolg..

Birthparents need to think about the possibility of being found. They need to recognize that the circumstances of the conception and need their need to relinquish prenting rights are totally separate from and NOT the issue for the person they CHOSE to give life to.Ӕ I have a very hard time with shouldsђ.. Especially with women who relinquished in the closed adoption era.. Some of them may never work through what happened.. Do we shouldђ them?? Do we force them into the emotions long buried? How do we tell them that all of a sudden it is okay to speak of the son or daughter long gone? Do we tell them it is okay to go into the grief long suppressed? Do we make sure the family or persons they deal with in their day to day life are ready to listen to their words or hear the pain? Do we big brother them now in order to make sure the adoptee has rights? The man stalked her.. What of his responsibilty? There are adoptees who post here who have been told No Contact!Ӕ in very direct terms.. some of them show incredible strength.. and wisdom.. I find the political issues of adoption.. then and now.. are sometimes opposed to the very human issue that some of us have to deal with.. To me it smaks of the time I had to give my son up.. Just my opinion.. nothing more.. Jackie..

I can't really get past the anger in that blog post. But, here's my opinion regarding Mother's who were forced to have closed adoptions:No one told them, at the time of relinquishment, to prepare for reunion. They were told to forget their child, to move on. And now we're berating them for what we told them to do? She, at one point, suggests counseling, but we simply didn't OFFER it to women of the closed adoption era. How can we hold that against THEM now? Shouldn't we be holding it against the coercive people in their lives that lead them towards placement? Or a fouled up system? Etc and so on.Poor women can't win, can they?I just don't think we can make sweeping generalizations and comments about "how" birthparents should "ready" for a reunion. Some aren't even fully aware that reunion with a relinquished child is possible; they're of the belief it's not possible because it's what they were told.Yes, this was a sad, extreme case. But let's not beat everyone with harsh words. Of course, as was just stated, this is my opinion. :)

I was one of those who was told that I "would forget about him (my son)", would "move on", that I "shouldn't expect reunion/not be allowed to search" and would "have more children" even this was in 1981. Over the years I may have got on with my life but I never forgot him nor did I have any more children ... husband with problem. I never search as I didn't know how nor did I want to disrupt his life yet it did occur to me that he may come looking for me despite what I was told. As it turned out my son search yet I found him. Ours is an ongoing reunion but I can empathise why some women don't want reunion as it is hard at times. From the little I know of this story I can understand why she didn't want to know but on the other hand why didn't anybody try to help her bson emotionally? Sorry if I missed that part of the story. Pip :flower: