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My b/mother ADOPTED 2 children from other countries. She and her husband couldn't have children. I am her only biological child.She has kept in touch w/ her ADOPTED childrens' biological mothers, she has pics and letters back and forth with them and. . . When her ADOPTED children are 18, their family and the other families that adopted overseas children at the same time, when all the kids are 18, all those families are going overseas again to BE REUNITED with their BIRTH MOTHERS, SIBLINGS, ETC. ONE BIG HAPPY REUNION. So, why doesn't she give the same SUPPORT for the kid she ABANDONED IN '75????? ME!!!! It's okay for her and her husband to adopt and be real outgoing in their small close knit community. She has a reputation to keep up, with her kids school and in the community where she volunteers in sports, etc. for her kids. NOONE KNOWS HER SECRET. BECAUSE SHE SAYS IT WOULD DESTROY HER LIFE, AND HER REPUTATION. But, it's okay for her to GIVE HER ADOPTED KIDS THEIR BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION, but NOT FOR ME?????? THAT HURTS. IT HURTS BAD!! I can never know my b/grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins---EXCEPT FOR HER SISTER, but she cannot let on to ANYONE OF MY EXISTENCE. Our relationship has to remain a SECRET and not to be discussed with my b/mom, 'cause she doesn't want to hear from or about me AT ALL. IT HURTS!!!!!:grr: __________________
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Amy,You have every right to be angry! That is really hurtful! Have you told her how it makes you feel? If not, try to, and when you do stick to the following format: "When you do this....it makes me feel..." If you keep the focus on your FEELINGS it helps the person who has hurt you hear you better and not just get defensive.Another suggestion - ask her if she is aware that there are support groups for birthmothers. If you write to me, I can give you my contatc info for her, or she can contact Concerned Uunted Birthparents (CUB). Where does she live?I am so sorry for your pain.
Confused, angry? I think it would be pretty understandable if you felt either of those. Amy, I would be awfully confused too if I were you.
Nothing about what your birth mom is doing is fair or right. She must be receiving great acclaim and praise for adopting the children from another country and is probably afraid people will think she is a big fake when they find out she is ignoring her biological daughter. I imagine she fears losing the admiration and respect of everyone she loves and cares about. Still doesn't make what she's doing right - it is not - but, maybe helps explain it a bit. Fear nearly always is a huge motivating factor in rejection in adoption reunion.
At some point you may want to evaluate whether you want to risk her wrath by contacting other family members. I think as someone else said that you have every right to. Just need to keep in mind that it might seal your fate through and insure that your birth mom may never change her mind. So, it is a decision to consider carefully, because she has to be thinking about this alot now and hopefully will eventually come to her senses and be in touch with you and get honest with the world. Holding on to lies and secrets is a heavy burden.
Maybe you need to try to tell her exactly how you feel and then step back until she's ready to move forward. I'm sorry for the rotten cards you have been dealt. Every one deserves to be loved and cherished by their mother.
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