Burger king baby reunited

I can see why she is not angry, or at least has processed it, and found valid reasons why not to be. Does the how, or where she was left, make the being left part which is every adoptees story, any better, or worse? Kind regards, Dickons

Dickons, I'm not an adoptee so I don't have a good answer to this question. In trying to put myself in someone else's shoes, though, I think the how and where WOULD make it worse. This mom didn't make a plan or take steps to make sure her baby was safe. She could have died in that restroom or something else horrible could have happened. I can see how many people would process this by thinking "If she couldn't raise me at least she could have made sure I was safe!" This is not a typical story. I don't know the circumstances and I'm not judging, it's just that I can see how this would be processed by an adoptee differently than a "typical" adoption story.

Again I realize that this first mom may not have felt she had another choice. I'm not saying her daughter SHOULD be angry. I just see where anger might come from in this case. (I just re-read my previous post and wanted to clarify.)

Leeah, There are tens of thousands of Adoptees from China - the first wave are now coming of age. All the normal adoptee feelings are there, what isn't part of those feelings is anything about how they were left, or where they were left. (most left in a busy area where they would be found.) I would expect anger over being found in a dumpster, or far off the road in an area not normally travelled - because the intent is that you wouldn't be found. Left in a busy location, wrapped up in a blanket. That story could/would be told in a way that highlights the intent was for her to be found, safe. You grow up with that and it is your norm... Kind regards, Dickons

i admit.. when i saw this, my cynical side kicked in.. but, to be fair, i haven't had a decent night's sleep in 3 nights i rolled my eyes reading the mom's story. it sounded so simple.. like a fairy tale with the edges polished off i hope it brings her peace

Well you should have heard MY story concocted by the SW and told to mom and dad - a few grains of truth and lots of misinformation to make it all sound so reasonable and absolutely impossible to confirm because the listener would be sent in the opposite direction... D

I read the bio mom's story. I'd like to think I'd have handled it differently but honestly, I don't know. Leaving the baby in a fast food restaurant did ensure she would be found.

There are so many bizarre constructs in this story it's agonizing. The concept that it's considered a good thing to leave a child in a public place because the chances of the child being found are better than leaving the child somewhere else needs to be examined. I can't imagine how I would be able to walk away period let alone sleep. Who does that? What kind of creature could walk away in the first place. The other point is what kind of society or family would hold a girl responsible for an act of violence? Rape is an act of violence and how in God's name could she have her brain twisted enough to think that leaving a human being alone in fast food restaurant is a better alternative than being honest? Whatever happened the family of that woman should have helped her. That's normal. What kind of a mother is going to reject their child because they had been raped? What planet creates these people? There is nothing normal about any of it. It's sick. The whole thing is disgusting. No wonder the mother doesn't want to be in the public eye. We can pretend to be polite but for the love of God who can imagine doing that? I couldn't live with myself let alone come forward after the fact. What kind of world are we living in?

I think that was very well said, Murphymalone. I was trying very hard not to judge. I've never been in her shoes but leaving a newborn and walking away (even if it's in a public place where it's likely the baby will be found) is NOT okay. I can't imagine someone (a social worker or doctor if not a friend or family member) couldn't have helped her give birth safely and take steps to make sure the baby was taken care of. Yes, in a public restroom odds are that the baby will be found but there really isn't a guarentee. If no one uses that restroom for an hour or so... There's nothing safe about it.

Thanks for the reminder, Dickons. I WAS teen pregnant by date rape during that period (well 1982, but close enough). you're right.. the labels were less than acceptable. I totally know the panic when i figured it out.. the desire to ignore it and hope it goes away.. and the "not telling anyone" about a rape because it was my fault. or he wouldn't like me.. or i'd be called a liar i totally get that part maybe thats why I didn't judge the abandonment or even the location the thing that got on my nerves was how simple the story sounded.. how Hollywood. how insincere, imo and maybe it's because i process things to death, but reality is never as simple as "something horrible happened.. i loved you every day for 9 months then carefully put you where your true family could find you" if i was the adoptee, I'd feel better if i heard about some of the panic, the shame, the fear kwim? admittedly, this is the story passed second hand from the daughter so she may have focused on the positive (my BM loves me) and not the other part

I did much the same as this woman in 1983 when I was 19. But because it was sanctioned by my family's church and my child was left in a hospital, the story is cleaned up by using words like"making a plan". The truth as I realize it now nearly 31 years later is that I didn't know my child would be in any better spot than had i abandoned him in a Burger King. I certainly wasn't encouraged (and actually discouraged) to know what kind of family he would grow up in. As long as they were Mormon, that seemed good enough to everyone involved. Now that I've raised two children I understand its not good enough. But that's for another thread. Surrendering a child is abandoning the child. No matter what sort of positive language is used in describing it. I hope this adult adoptee gets all the answer she deserves.

Wcurry - You are right, nothing is that simple, and I too would feel better with the story being panic, shame, fear, because those are reasons that are plausible, realistic, mean you had no other choice than to do the most unthinkable thing possible. I needed to know that my mother could not have parented me. Because if that wasn't true, then she just didn't want me. I highly doubt that what the adoptee told the media is the full context of what was told to her. It was the fluff spin on a very complex story filled with emotional landslides... Paige - you are as usual blunt and honest. Our mothers (you) had no idea if we would be adopted, fostered for life, put in a group home, loved and cherished, abused and worse. They (you) hoped what "professionals" said was true - but how could you ever know otherwise. Less of a gamble than abandoning in a restaurant - but look how many have been abused who were placed through adoption agencies - it was no guarantee. Wcurry & Paige - the prettying up of adoption words makes me wonder what adoptees will feel when they have enough life experiences to know that many of them were willingly given up for adoption - how will they feel without the knowledge of the harsh reality that it was not acceptable for their mother to parent her own child and support to do so wasn't there. Kind regards, Dickons

The need to know resonates with me. Despite the circumstances this girl simply wanted to connect. Amazing.

Here is a link to a newspaper articular about the baby from 1987: [url=http://articles.mcall.com/1987-01-04/news/2569418_1_burger-king-baby-parental-rights-police-end]Police At Dead End In Search For 'Burger King Baby's' Mom - Morning Call[/url] The story reminds of the "Gatwick baby": [url=http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/09/gatwick-baby-abandoned-1986]I was the Gatwick baby | Life and style | The Guardian[/url] There was a BBC documentary about him - worth watching: [url=http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1542cs_the-gatwick-baby_people]The Gatwick Baby - Video Dailymotion[/url]

[url=http://www.today.com/moms/very-overwhelming-woman-dubbed-burger-king-baby-reunites-birth-mom-2D79511811]'Very overwhelming': Woman dubbed 'Burger King baby' on meeting birth mom  - TODAY.com[/url] Kind regards, Dickons