What do you guys think of the whole nature vs. nurture thing? Lets say you adopt a child and both parents were a little wild..... Is it possible to have a little angel :wings:? Are there such a thing as "wild" or rowdy genes? Do any of you have older kids and have experience in this? THanks so much in advance
AnnaE
OKAY..AS a person who has a degree in Child Psych and as an adoptive and bio mom, and someone who has worked with kids for years..I vote for Nurture over nature. Yes, genetics plays a role but its how the environment supports and sustains those genetics. Our adopted daughter was from mentally ill, extemely violent birthparents. She is a sweet, lovely, straight A kid. Compassionate and dear at 13. She is no different than my bio kids. (In fact better..LOL!)This is not to say they were perfect or that she is or that we are!!! But the love and consistency is what counts. If it were all genetics, there would be no God. AnnaE
As one who has lived it, met biofamily and have 5 children of my own I think I can confidently say its both...not one more then another however good it may make others feel. There may be a genetic strength that may go unnoticed and not encouraged or thre may be no genetic strength and it is lovelingly . taught by parents. i personaly can not do art, needlepoint, type ect...its a genetic problem. No matter how much it would have been nutured it would not have worked .
I have also heard that some studies havee shown its 60% nature and 40% nurture..
Its really both and the point is to bring up your children as they are..just like your bio children. After all our bio children play the luck of the genes too. God forbid they inherit great aunt flo's teeth....you deal and safe fro braces...
I definitely think it's a 50/50 split.
It's kind of hard to tell for sure with my ds as his bio family is very similiar physically to our family. They could attend my family reunion and you couldn't pick them out.
My son looks very much like my brother. In fact, when I first brought him home my new SIL (brother's wife) was a little weirded out trying to figure out how I ended up with an adopted child that looked SO much like her DH!!! LOL It's funny now... it wasn't funny then. We had a bit of splainin and reasurrance to do!!!
I can see so much of him that comes from our family. His physical affect, manner of speaking, verbal usage is similiar to mine. He also looks like us so we haven't really had the physical thing of an adopted child not looking like his afamily.
I think his intelligence, humor, and interests are more from his birthfamily. I can see a difference there. He's very much like both of them that way. His birthmother is REALLY funny. They both have that kind of down to the brass tacks.. can't get anything by her kind humor that cracks me up.
Nan
kate298
What do you guys think of the whole nature vs. nurture thing? Lets say you adopt a child and both parents were a little wild..... Is it possible to have a little angel :wings:? Are there such a thing as "wild" or rowdy genes? Do any of you have older kids and have experience in this? THanks so much in advance
Of course, both aspects play a part in personality and character. No doubt. All I know is from practical experience being one of four siblings born into the same family with the same parents. You could not have four different people with four different personalities and ways of dealing with things. That's just the way it is. Of course, we carry many of the same values as they were taught to us by our parents, but we deal with life differently even though for the most part, we were nurtured the same way.
High spiritedness IMO is definitely a genetic trait but I think it can be a part of nurture as well. It can be directed or re-directed into useful and positive avenues depending on how a child is nurtured.
Just the other day I said to my mom (adoptive mom that is) that "I must have gotten that from you", and her response without missing a beat was "maybe through osmosis".:cheer:
Its amazing how much of a need we all have (me too!!) to see where we came from and got our personalities from, but I can say that both my bmom and adad have outgoing, fun personalities; so which one did I get it from (he, he, thats assuming I have both of those!!;) )? Hard to tell on some of these sorts of traits, and we all see what we want to......no harm in that one in a situation that is likely a good split between nature and nurture!!!
Blessedbybug--you pointed out what I was trying to say, in that people seem to notice the differences in adopted kiddos more than bio kids, when, it could just be the nature side being different.........thanks!!
I agree too that it is BOTH! We have 2 bio children & 3 adopted. Our bio children have traits from both DH & I. Our daughter is very assertive & "LOUD"! LOL Our son is more on the quiet side, like me.
Our adoptions are all very open. We have very frequent visits with the birth families. We have had our adoped children since day one! Having such open adoptions I see SOOOOOO MUCH of our children's birth families in them. For instance, our 4 year old walks like her Birth Mom, eats EXACTLY like her Birth Grandpa, she has her Birth grandma's laugh. Our 3 year old son will ONLY drink water. His Birth Mom has to be a FISH!!! I NEVER saw someone, other than our son, drink so much water. When he pouts, he looks like his sister. Our 6 year old has SO MANY facial expressions that her Birth Brother has you would have thought we adopted her older. Yet, each of them has so much of us in them as well.
It freaks me out sometimes how much I see their Birth families in them! I also tell our children when we see it. I will say, "You eat just like Papa." Or, "When you did that just now you remind me of B". It's good for them to hear how much indentity they have with their Birth Families, too.
Deb
I think it's probably 50/50 or even slightly more bio...
Ohmigosh, my 15 mo old has a "look" and "sassiness" that is the spitting image of her 3 year old bio sis. My brother, mom and I all have this "funky" way of standing with our hands behind our hips.
There was an interesting couple of chapters in the book, "Freakonomics" devoted to this (well, sort of this), by the way.
I don't know if it was here or somewhere else that I heard a story of an adoptee meeting her bio sis for the first time at a Nordstrom (I think they were both in their 20s or 30s). She and her bio sis caught sight of each other -- they had both just purchase the SAME pocketbook. Very weird!
I think sometimes adoptive parents are "threatened" to say that biology has a huge role in what people "become." I think it's pretty cool that my DD will have different talents, etc. than I do (I don't have many!!) so I look forward to really learning her "biological" self, if that makes sense!
My child is 18 now. We adopted her when she was an infant. I believe that she inherited somethings, and she learned somethings from her aparents. Her bmom and her do have the same food likes and dislikes. My daughter loves animals and her bmom is not that crazy over animals. We live on a farm and our daughter has always been raised around animals. Sometimes I will hear my daughter say something that sounds just like something her afather has said, and I feel so happy when she has some of our actions. I think that "nature and nurture" is a great debate that will go on forever. My daughter has so many of my mother's personality. My mother would state,"she is so much like me." My mother was right, her grandchild is so much like her. I really tend to favor the nurture, but I am an amom, and that could be the reason that I think Nurture influences a child more than Nature.
randloar
Blessedbybug--you pointed out what I was trying to say, in that people seem to notice the differences in adopted kiddos more than bio kids, when, it could just be the nature side being different.........thanks!!
And that is good! My Mom would have never survived four like me, lol! I am constantly amazed at how my DD, who came to us through adoption, and I are so much alike in personality type and how we deal with things. We're both dramatic and feisty and stubborn and emotive. But then, I could chalk it upto her first mom's choice in parents for her kid... because her first mom, at least what I know of her, is alot like that too. So who knows???
Great thing to be aware of though, because I know with both my kids they come from birthfamilies who have been a part of cycles of crisis. I hope that through nurturing differently, we can break it once and for all. Both kiddos' first mothers expressed that hope for their kids anyway... we'll see if I'm upto that monumental task.
I have not raised these kids but have placed them and found nurture to have a great effect. So many wild parents are product of environment not genetic.
I think having kids is always a crapshoot...so, whether adopted or not, you really don't know what you are "in for" kwim?
Funny thing is, dh is more reserved....goofy, but quieter, he was a very shy little kid, and a very good teenager...and I am loud and bubbly. I was a handful from the time I made my entrance in this world..lol
ds' bmom is definitely a handful, but she is quite quiet.
So really, our child could be a wild-one...and who knows if it's nature or nurture
or shy...
and really..I don't care. He's my son and I adore him.
You have said it best..Who knows and who cares. They are our kids and worthy of love no matter what. I still vote for nurture after all I have seen. Its not ONLY nurture, of course, but its the most important. Blessings and Peace to all , AnnaE
I feel both. But having said that, Drihan has a lot of the same traits (exceptional manners, good sleep habits etc.) that her two teen sisters (our bio daughters) had at that age. I know that comes from how we raise them. But she is a wild little thing at times (and I mean that is a good way), is that nature or the fact that she is COMPLETELY spoiled by four people that are basically adults??? I did hear from a Dr. that is the birth mother was a drug user they are more likely to use drugs later in life FWIW.
traceyk
I feel both. But having said that, Drihan has a lot of the same traits (exceptional manners, good sleep habits etc.) that her two teen sisters (our bio daughters) had at that age. I know that comes from how we raise them. But she is a wild little thing at times (and I mean that is a good way), is that nature or the fact that she is COMPLETELY spoiled by four people that are basically adults??? I did hear from a Dr. that is the birth mother was a drug user they are more likely to use drugs later in life FWIW.
OOOHhh I so hope that's not true. My son's bmom and bdad used before he was born, during pregnancy and 6 years later still using when they are not in jail. Here's to hoping Nurture wins out.
I definetly agree with nature playing a role. But I believe nurture plays an ever greater role.
A perfect example is comparing my daughter with her birth siblings. On a purely physical aspect, she looks just like them from head to toe. She also has the same smile, teeth, laughter, and facial expresions. There is no denying that she is their flesh and blood.
She also has their keen sense of intelligence. In fact, her birth sister was recently tested gifted. I firmly believe my daughter is following in the same footsteps. She is a major smarty pants! :)
However, when you take a look at nuture, there are glaring differences. My daughter's birth siblings are growing up in a completely different environment.
Where my daughter is growing up in a warm, loving, safe and secure enviornment, her siblings deal with poverty, homelessness, neglect and drug abuse. Where my daughter never has to worry about where she will get her next meal, they sometimes have to go without.
My daughter doesn't have to worry about wearing clothes or shoes that are tattered, worn, too tight or too loose. She doesn't have to worry about being cold in the winter because she doesn't have a jacket to wear..etc...etc. The list could go on and on....
My daughter has everything (and more) that a little girl could want or have. She is adored and cherished beyond belief. Her eyes sparkle, her cheeks are rosy, her skin glows, her hair sparkles and she is delightful, giggly and happy.
So at the end of the day, if you compare my daughter with her birth siblings, it is clear that nurture plays a huge role.