Advertisements
I haven't been on in a while, and thought, hmm. . .I wonder what is in the BIRTH PARENT forums. . . . . . let's start a new thread! My birth mother, 2 yrs. after leaving me in a hospital to fend for myself, got married and then, after years of trying to have children with her husband to no avail, decided to adopt. Their adopted children are from Ukraine and Romania, I think. Anyhow, my birth mom and I talked back in '98 when I had a search agent find her. She was glad (then) that I found her. She said that when she met her husband to be, she told him she had a baby, and didn't want to have relations 'til marriage. But, the only other people that knew of her pregnancy was her sister. Her parents didn't know she was pregnant or had a baby, because she and her sister lived a few provinces away from their parents (long story). Then after she had me, and moved back to the province where her parents were, she told her mother (my gma) that she had a baby, but they decided to keep it a secret and never to bring it up again. Her mom died several years ago, and her father is still living, my gpa, and HE DOESN'T KNOW SHE HAS EVER CONCEIVED A CHILD. When we talked a few years ago, she said, that we would slowly start talking, phoning and letters. Then I didnt' hear from her for 7 yrs. I sent letters and pics of me and my family (husband and children) to her, through the search agent, because she never gave me her address or new last name. But, I never heard from her. Last year, I took it upon myself, without the help of my search agent to find my GPA, through canada411(I knew what Province, and my birth surname) I made 61 phone calls and got my GPA. Ididn't tell him who I was, but I said I was an old friend of his daughters, and wanted to reunite with them. He gave me their phone numbers. I called my AUNT, her sister, first. We've been talking for over a year now. I'm going to see her in JULY. But, my birth mom, I finally got the courage up to call her about 3 months ago. She said, "I can't have a relationship with you. YOu are NOTHING to me. . . . . . I thought we could keep in contact, but I changed my mind.. . . . .NOONE CAN KNOW ABOUT YOU. . . if you go any further with this, or tell my father. . .I could take legal action(which, the searchagent said, there is no legal action to take. . I'm not stalking or anything. ) She said she was sorry, but WE HAVE NO CONNECTION, and I have to let go and love the family, my boys and forget she ever existed. Her sister, doesn't understand why she is doing this. I asked my bmum if she is going to let her ADOPTED children find their BIRTH FAMILIES, and she said, "Actually, all the families that adopted together back then, are taking our kids back to the countries they were born in to MEET THEIR BIOLOGICAL FAMILES, when our children turn 18" She told me that IT IS MORE ACCEPTABLE to society with overseas, THAN FOR OUR SOCIETY, HER SOCIETY to know of HER PAST. And, she has kept in touch with ONE OF HER CHILDREN'S biological mother since he was a baby!!!!!! IT'S OKAY TO MEET THE NEEDS OF HER NON-BLOOD, NO CONNECTION ADOPTED CHILD, but NOT ME, HER OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!!! You know how hard it is for me NOT TO CALL BACK MY GPA, and tell him who I really am? Especially when my AUNT sent me PICS, and I AM IDENTICAL, I MEAN--------------COMPLETELY IDENTICAL to my GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!! Except for my glass eye, my whole face is IDENTICAL-----LIKE A TWIN to my GRANDMA!!! I'm going out to see my AUNT in JULY, so I'm glad I have a relationship with her. But, even with her, SHE IS NOT ALLOWED TO TELL HER CHILDREN WHO ARE MY COUSINS, WHO I REALLY AM---her EX HUSBAND, doesn't know about me. NOONE KNOWS! So when I go up there, and if her boys come around to see her when I'm there, SHE HAS TO LIE ABOUT WHO I AM, that I'm just a daughter of an old friend. I'm hoping one or both of my cousins will take one look at me, and have that SENSE that there is a connection, and start asking QUESTIONS, and then OOPS, the TRUTH comes out!!!! Won't be my FAULT!!!My experience with ADOPTION, was AWFUL (See, "The Strength to Move on Part I and II) I'm fine now, have a great family and friends, but for 3 months I was sick in a hospital with no MOTHER to touch me, hold me or give me nourishment, and all the abuse, SURGERIES, etc. that I went through for 18 years, and SHE DOESN'T CARE!!!!!!! I was just a NASTY SPERM that got her pregnant, and she DISPOSED OF ME as SOON AS SHE COULD!!! She won't even give me the REAL NAME of MY BIRTH FATHER. She claims there was ONLY ONE PERSON that COULD POSSIBLY be the FATHER, but DNA PROVED OTHERWISE. So, I have NO CONNECTION to the other 1/2 of me. THAT'S PATHETIC. I hope there is no other BIOLOGICAL mother in this forum that LOVINGLY ADOPTED after DROPPING OFF THEIR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, and CONTINUES to REJECT their OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, but LOVINGLY CARES FOR AND MEETS THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS of their ADOPTED, NON BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.
Like
Share
Hi Amy I am a birthmom and am really sad for you, what a horrible experience. Maybe she is in denial about that time of her life but I am not making excuses for her. You are very brave to persist and I hope your b/aunt gives you lots of love and hugs.You sound like you have had enough trauma and a fairy tale ending would have been great. Feel sorry for you b/mom she is probably in a really bad space within herself whether she admits it or not. Back in the day we b/moms were seen to be bad, bad ,bad and maybe she hasn't got passed that. Speak to your aunt about your grampa, times are more accepting now. Good Luck little one, enjoy what you have in your immediate family.
Advertisements
Thank you for your message. You said, "Good luck, little one" That is what my adopted dad called me growing up. He was very good to me, didn't hit me or hurt me or put me down. His only downside was he didn't protect me from his wife, my amum who terrorized me for 18 years. Oh well. Thanx for the memory!
Hi Amy Sounds like you got a rotten deal all round.... but hang on to the a/dad experience and know how much love is contained in the words 'little one"..from another b/mom I am sorry. I have a daughter called Amy and she ia very special daughter . Remember your name means 'loved one' and 'friend' so enjoy you current family and have empathy for those that have gone before in your life that had nothing more of themselves to give. It must be sad to have so little available that what you do put forward is so short coming. You are probably the BEST Mom for having had the experiences you had.
IT'S OKAY TO MEET THE NEEDS OF HER NON-BLOOD, NO CONNECTION ADOPTED CHILD, but NOT ME, HER OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!!!
I agree, SOME adopted children are PRECIOUS in the sight of their ADOPTED parents, and like BLOOD TO THEM. But I was always told, "You are not one of mine. When you are 18, we no longer have any responsibility for you and you can leave." I did! 1 week after my 18th birthday! My point is, after 30 yrs, my mother has a BLOOD CHILD, who DESIRES to LOVE her, KNOW ABOUT THE FAMILY, GIVE HER LOVE, and RESPECT, and GRANDCHILDREN, yet, SHE WOULD RATHER IGNORE SHE EVEN HAD ME. And be a FLAMING HYPOCRITE, by LOVING and DOTING, and GIVING all she can to 2 NON BLOOD, FOREIGN, ADOPTED CHILDREN, and not only that, BUT PROVIDE THEM WITH MEETING THEIR BIOLOGICAL RELATIVES WHEN THEY TURN 18. BUYING EXPENSIVE PLANE TICKETSGOING ACROSS THE WORLDTO LET HER ADOPTED, NON-BLOOD, children MEET THEIR BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES for their EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!! When she has a 31 yr. old daughter, who went through HELL for 18 years of her life, WHO LONGED FOR HER REAL MOMMY to come rescue her, and even though she knows the HELL that I went through, she won't find it in her heart to JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!! To meet me somewhere, privately see her face in person, touch her hands, look in her eyes, just a hug, in her arms, the smell of her breath, see pictures of relatives who look like me. . . . . . . . Or even after 31 years, tell her father that he has a grandchild that LOOKS IDENTICAL to HIS WIFE, who carried on the BL0OD LINE, and shares HIS WIFE'S TRAITS, and to see 2 BEAUTIFUL GREAT GRANDCHILDREN, who look like the family. That hurts. As you can see in the picture. I AM A CLONE to my grandmother. The right side is her face in her 40's, the left side is my face now.
Advertisements