BoTM Club June Discussion: The Girls Who Went Away

Stupid me being in no technology land next week. I would have liked to see that Good Morning America!

just a reminder that Ann will be on Good Morning America tomorrow. Any one watching, please feel free to report in your impressions of the interview if you can.

I watched this morning. It was extremely brief and I guess I was hoping for more. Ann Fessler mentioned that she'd spent only one day with her own birthmom who is not yet ready to tell others about her. She said her mom hasn't told her other children, either. Didn't the book mention that her mom never had other children?I'm going to check out the NPR link for that interview in a few minutes. Hopefully it will give more details.All this comes on the day that the adoption agency confirmed the identity of my own birthmom. My head is reeling!! :cheer:Sheri

OK, the NPR interview was fantastic and more than made up for the lamo interview on Good Morning America. I spent close to an hour holed up in our family's study listening to it with my dog. My dh and all 3 of my kids popped their heads in the room, but left when they realized it was more of Mom's adoption stuff. I've read the book (it changed my life) and this interview is as close as I'll get to hearing the oral history project. It was well worth the time and I might have to listen again. I encourage everyone, whether you've read the book or not, to check out the program. I will admit, though, it did take a few minutes to get over my impatience with Diane Rehm and how slowly she talks. Sheri

Rehm's recent frightening battle with a rare neurological disorder, spasmodic dysphonia (SD), a condition that "creates a stranded hoarseness [and] fills [her] voice with tremors." A radio broadcaster's nightmare, the loss of her voice took her off the air for an extended period of time and into a frantic - and successful - search for treatment. As she has with other trials in her life, Rehm has faced this ongoing struggle with fortitude, insight, and pluck. Didn't know if you knew... DR wrote a book called "Finding My Voice"...she's one of my favorite interviewers.

This is a pretty old topic, but I wanted to reply anyway... One thing that surprised me in the book was a comment made by one of the birthmoms near the beginning. She was the one who'd had her baby scooped, and later got pregnant and had an abortion. She said her abortion was by far easier than her adoption, and that she'd do it again any day but would never have another adoption. This stunned me. How is knowing that your child is dead be easier than not knowing where your child is and how they are doing?

Perhaps and only perhaps, the thought of bereavement long term (and separation from a child and not knowing what is going on in their lives [closed adoption] or not having any part in their being raised, other than a photo or access once a year [open adoption as I understand it]) is just too much emotionally for that person to contemplate. Living, knowing that there is a child out there and the incumbent feelings that one has to live with day in and day out, the emotional heartache, yearning, so many emotions to deal with, torment, perhaps some that get abortions just feel that they will deal with it better if its done and dusted, finished, then you get used to the fact its over. With adoption there is no way it is over, it lingers, it permeates every aspect of your life and if there is reunion.... my goodness, torture all over again (my experience) as the separation has damaged the child in a variety of ways (The Primal Wound) and put barriers up that you have to spend possibly years of overcoming, it goes on and on. I can't say I condone it, but abortion does seem to be the option of some. Saying that, I think that abortion can be presented as some 'little blob of jelly' that a woman is getting rid of, rather than a life that is beautifully formed and feels pain before 24 weeks (as recent research confirmed in the national newspapers this week). So maybe, just maybe, in this age of 'lets get rid of it' and 'inconvenience' and 'heck, I'm pregnant, I'm panicking here...' abortion is presented a bit like a nip and tuck. Surgical procedure.... with consequences that are different for every single person. Some are fine with it, (really?) others are scarred for life. I personally am glad I went to the pro life lobby and watched a film as to what abortion entailed before deciding on what to do with my baby 30 years ago. I can appreciate your thoughts also, but I try to understand why society has given this alternative to pregnancy. I have my thoughts on this, but best kept to myself I think.

One thing that annoys me about the way the "baby scoop" era issue is treated in the media is that these women seem to never be asked, "Do you have any ideas on how you would have managed if you had been allowed to keep your baby?" I imagine at least some of them probably would have guesses at how they could have made it work but the interviewers seem to jump right to the emotional part and not move much beyond the "I could have had my BABY to LOVE!" issue. I don't mean to be insensitive, but it also seems that some of the same media who say to them, "Poor you, you didn't get to raise your baby." are the same ones who say "Poor you, you DID get to raise your baby." to many current young single moms, and of course go into great detail about how hard THEIR life can be, even with the illegitimacy stigma not being a problem today. P.S. I have no problems with a young single mother choosing to have and raise her baby btw, as long as she parents responsibly. I respect her for that if that is her choice, just as much as I would if she chose to let the child be adopted by another family.

Bump Such a great idea!!