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In my personal opinion, there is zero point in continuing with a child we're not suited for. I've been surrounded by adoption all my life, and I have faith in diversity, the diversity of different families, who we are, how we parent. I know multiple families who've disrupted, some worked hard to find another family and were successful, some because of being threatened with knives... IMO, the reason doesn't matter. Being true to who we are, and who we can/can't help does matter.---alys1
Absolutely. Very well said and I agree completely.
Most Sincerely,
Linny
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[QUOTE=Linny]With all due respect...and no, I'm not going to flame you because there was a time when *I* was JUST LIKE YOU in my thinking and boy, did I get a wake up call! Soooo sad, but true.....But I am going to try to explain to you just why some people as Penny make the decisions that they do.....
Linny, I just want to say THANK YOU!
And, unfortunately workers knowing exactly what a child's issues are and not revealing them is all too common in the US foster system as well.
We went into the adoption from foster care system EXTREMELY naive and trusting that the workers always have the best interested of the children at heart.
I could write a novella here, but, instead, I would like to just give a few of my personal observations/suggestions when potentially 'matched' with a child:
- do not accept a case worker's assessment of a child without documentation. And ESPECIALLY do not accept a case worker telling you that a written assessment of a child's behavior is 'exaggerated'. If it's in a report there is probably at least some validity to it.
- if a child has had a previous disruption, INSIST on reading the DETAILED reasons for the disruption. If the worker indicates that "oh, it was just a bad fit" - let this be a HUGE red flag!
- INSIST on spending a LOT of time with the child BEFORE they move into your home. If the child is out of state and the state does not want to spend the money to facilitate this - you are taking a HUGE risk if you proceed.
I know that there are more things that were going through my head - but, as we are right in the middle of dealing with a disruption due to these things, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted right now.