New Forum: Disruption Support

Lucyjoy DID give great advice.....and to say that it sounds like your agency never supported you in the first place....is an understatement!!!! Our family has adopted seven times. Three of these seven were through the system and older child adoptions. (The other four have been infant adoptions and two are already grown; two are pre-schoolers and doing very well.) One of the older adopted children has lived in a residential facility for most of his life and has little contact with our family. He suffers from severe reactive attachment disorder. While still adopted....if he'd have had to stay in our home, we'd have gone through disruption, because we weren't going to put the other kids in harm's way. The other child was actually disrupted after being arrested for illegal and assaultive behaviors towards other younger children. Though adopted for many years; and a complete shock to us; after many months of court battles and refusing to bring this kid back into our home, we were allowed to TPR without being charged with anything. The other older adopted child will soon be adopted by relatives...which has been a 'God thing'....but certainly NOT what we had ever wanted in our family. Still, as crazy as it sounds, we would like to adopt another infant. It is that last statement that I feel will insult some people. There are already people in the system who have told the one son (who was arrested) that 'disruptions are NEVER the fault of the child, they are ALWAYS the fault of the adoptive family." REALLY??????? Well, I suppose that we could have placed our remaining children in harm's way...could have installed video cameras and monitors in HOPES that he wouldn't assault our children? Never. Never.......for us, this just wouldn't--couldn't seem right and totally unfair to the younger children. So....don't sign any such paperwork admitting (in a sense) that YOU did something wrong. I daresay that few systems actually prepare their parents for some of the nightmares that often occur with older child adoptions. And.....clearly, if something goes awry, I've yet to see where the system came in to protect the innocent children already in a family. Instead, they try to guilt the adoptive family into going through nightmares for everyone.......while saying, "You should have known! After all....this child WAS abused!" I'll get off of the soapbox for now. Please feel free to pm me if I can be of any help to you...or just to vent. Our family has certainly been through the wringer, and if we can save any other family from going through the mire that we have--or finding some short-cut through it all because of something we've been through....it will be worth it. Most Sincerely, Linny