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Cynthiab:
No one should bash here! I can completely understand where you are coming from...and no one who has ever parented (or tried to parent) a child such as you have (and we've had) has no right to try to judge. (((HUGS)))
Are you finding that in your area/state, disruption is something that can be done? Was your adoption finalized? I ask, because years ago, trying to find the route in disruption, was unknown...and parents were totally bashed for even thinking it. Now, there are some options in some places.
If I may ask, what is the opinion of your attachment therapist? In our case, she felt that she/we had gone as far as we possibly could.
Please feel free to pm me if I can be of any help.
Sincerely,
Linny