Another failed adoption and a BAD day!

Thanks to all for the comforting thoughts. My ever-so-kind husband got to repeat my motto "Honey, everything happens for a reason." Though we may not know or ever know why, I do believe this. I have had to keep reminding myself many times over. Unfortunately, it doesn't take the pain we feel in our hearts away. I was extremely close to a nervous breakdown during this process (1st failure, we walked away. We were put in the 2nd situation less than a week later.) My grandmother passing away during all of this seemed to put an exclamation point on everything. So needless to say, with everything hitting at once, I required medication. I stopped taking it once we decided to try IUI again. Meds can cause birth defects, so I quit. We both felt extremely strong about adopting, so we chose that route instead of trying further for "our own". (I'm not a huge fan of forcing my body to over or under act the way it naturally does and refuse IVF for this purpose.) I only wish that time was making things easier. For a while, I seemed to be "handling" everything ok. My husband and I took turns "breaking down" so we could be strong when the other needed it. I try not to let my feelings show now because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I also feel like I should be doing better (Yes, I expect more out of myself -- not only with this, but with everything.)No matter how much it hurts our family members, only you guys know what we are feeling & can relate. Lately, I feel as though we got the news just yesterday. Maybe I need to hit the punching bag until I can get a better handle on things. We have decided to allow ourselves some healing & grieving time and aren't pursuing anything until after the summer. We also want some time where we make decisions for ourselves instead of being at the mercy of everyone else. Thanks again for all your help! I know things will get better, I only wish it would happen NOW. All of your stories give me more hope that adoption can still be an option for us. Let's just pray that we follow the path we are meant to be on instead of the one we want to follow.