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i can relate a little. a friend of mine was placing for adoption, asked us at 9 weeks pregnant to aparent, we said yes, attended birth, had baby in the home for two days. lots of crisis reactions from my friend. it had been a long year of crisis reactions. dh couldn't see 18 more years of it since we were so close to my friend to boot. (it was going to be an open adoption with at least one visit per year.) ultimately, WE OPTED OUT! my friend, who is still my friend, placed with another family. now we feel like we all lost the baby!!! it's a very unusual but extremely painful situation. now, forgive me for sounding trite, but is korean adoption a possibility for you?
p.s.
there is a forum for failed and contested adoptions, and a lot of posters are going through the grieving process right now. you are not alone.