Should I reach out to the Amom?

Hi there. I tend to think fbook not the correct forum to make initial contact, although I know many have.My first approach to my daughters aparents was by written letter. It was received really well...mind you fbook wasn't even a sparkle in anyones eye back then.

Hi there. I tend to think fbook not the correct forum to make initial contact, although I know many have. My first approach to my daughters aparents was by written letter. It was received really well...mind you fbook wasn't even a sparkle in anyones eye back then.

Mitzii, You dont say how long you and your daughter have been in contact or who was the 1st to initiate it. Does your daughterҒs A parents know that she has had contact with you and her brothers? You mention that you have left it all up to her to decide when she is ready to take the next step. I know the wait is tough. Just be sure that she wont see your contacting her A mom as going over her head if she hasnҒt told them yet or if maybe she is giving THEM time, as unfair as it may sound, to deal with her reuniting with you all. QUOTE=Mitzi]I have a question. My daughter is 20 years old, and we've made some contact via texting. Obviously, she is not ready to make physical contact, so I've left it all up to her when she is "ready". She has made contact with her two biological brothers and as of now there really is no ongoing contact there either. Today, I found the adoptive mom's facebook. I wanted to send her a friend request, but I'm hesitant. The adoption plan we had was pretty much closed after the first year. (pictures and updates through letters via the agency is all that I got) I'm assuming the adoptive parents were very nervous from the beginning. What is your opinion? Part of me says no, the other half says, what could it hurt?[/QUOTE]

Your daughter is an adult, and when, or if, she tells her mom about contacting you, is her own business, not yours. You have no idea what their relationship is like, whether or not you contacting her mom, would be okay, great, or downright damaging to her relationship, with her mom. I would be appalled if that had happened to me. Kind regards, Dickons

I agree with Dickons. I DID contact my son's A parents , wrote them a letter BUT only after I got an okay from my son to do it 1st Mitzi. I just don't want to see you chance blowing it with your daughter.

Don't listen to the half that says, "What could it hurt?" It could hurt you a lot. I'm wondering why you want to make contact with her a-parents. I agree with Dickons. Your daughter is an adult. And, if she wants her two worlds (biological and adoptive) to collide, she'll let you know. It should be her call as to whether or not you make contact with her parents.

Thanks for the replies. I've decided to leave all is well and make no contact. True, it's really not my place and really not even sure what I would say. The adoption was deceiving from the get go, more so from agency side of it. Someone asked how the initial contact was made between my daughter and I. My youngest son found her on a social network and they communicated that way for awhile. My oldest, which is a year younger than she is, wants nothing to do with her, says she is too immature. I'm starting to lose interest in meeting her, is that even normal?

Yeah, I think it's a normal way to process rejection. (And, to be clear, I'm not saying that your daughter is full-on rejecting you. She may want to know you in the future.) It's sour grapes. I can't get what I want, so maybe it's not that good, or I don't want it after all. That happened for me, too. When I first contacted my mother, I wanted to meet her. But, as she has shown no real interest in me, and it has been like pulling teeth to get her to give me information, I've lost interest in meeting her. And, I fully believe it's because she rejected me. To safeguard my heart, my mind has decided that I don't want to meet her, either.