Hi everyone,
I need to ask for prayers. My dh and I have thought alot about adopting. We made the decision to go ahead in the fall. I want to do what I feel God wants me to do but at this point I am not sure what that is. I felt led to adopt but now I am questioning whether we should or not. I still have time to pray about it. I know it is a very big decision to make at our ages. I am 49 dh is 53. I know that some do not agree with older people adopting and how old we will be when the child grows up and all of that. I know that we can't go out and do some of the things little kids might like to do but we do have alot of love to share with a little one. I think that counts for something right? Anyway what I need are prayers that God will have us do what He wants us to do. thanks.
I'm 40 and Dh is 49. We have one bio and 4 adopted. We finalized our last adoption this year. Since we have 5 kids at home we don't plan to adopt again, but we didn't even start adopting until I was 33 and Dh was 42. I also have a chronic health problem and we work around that. Frankly, THAT more than my age is the part that gets sticky at times. LOL
Yes, parenting when one is a bit older than average is very different than parenting when one is one's twenties, but one tends to know more (hopefully!!) and have a different outlook than when one is a couple of decades younger. There can be a bit of a trade-off, and sometimes I wish that I had my 25 yo body with my 40 yo brain, but I wouldn't trade having my kids for anything. LOL
We opted to adopt through our foster care system, and so adopted "special needs" children. We adopted toddlers, ranging in age at placement from 26 months down to 11 months. They do have different needs than the "average" child, but they are doing well and fill our hearts to overflowing. Our adopted children were all prenatally exposed to various drugs, in varying degrees (some were addicted at birth, some weren't screened so we don't know, etc.), and they each have varying degrees of issues from the drugs, multiple moves, neglect, etc. Additionally we did not feel limited to only adopting within our ethnicity/race, so have a mix of races/ethnicities in our home.
We are older parents of 33, 32 adn 28. We are going to adopt an 11 and 14 yr old sibling group - girls. We have been working toward this for a year and are totally faith based that we should be doing this. I am 55 almost 56 and hubby is 57. Are we insane? Age is all I worry about as we are committed to doing what is best and giving of ourselves to love and connect with these children so they have a forever family...but at this age?
pace, I am 52. Our bio son is 12 1/2, our adopted kids are 12 and 9. No. I am not too old to parent these kids. Don't worry about your age, worry about theirs. At 11 and 14 they are going to be tough to bond with. These girls need consistancy and love, and structure and consistancy. Who better to provide that?
Bless you my dear, as the lady said I'd only worry about their ages. I had my second daughter at 44, a real blessing for sure. She's so wonderful, I love her with all my heart. Yes you can still parent just fine maybe even better than when you were the first time. You are older and wiser, give it a go, you'll do fine.
bprice215
Thank you both for responding. We have our staffing meeting with CPS, our case workers, therapists, the girl's foster mom the past four years and us coming up on the 30th. They feel the girls have the ability to bond but it will be something we have to build and earn their trust.
This week our youngest, age 27, was in a bad motorcycle accident. He is alive, thank God, but is selling his bike after he mends. He should be dead. He is the youngest that put us through the worst times. The Lord has a purpose for his life. But during all the ER stuff and he is here for care right now... only for an instant did I think, why do I want to open myself up for more hurt and situations like this? But with in a breath I knew the love that comes with it, is worth it.
I have never been on a forum other than with fellow artists (Daily.painters.com) but I can appreciate your support as we make these decisions.
Grace, Laurie
I had my two son's when I was 29 and 32. Our daughter was placed with us when we were 40 and we are now 46 and 47. I think the hardest part for me the second time around was the age of two and three years old. I was much better with the boys at that age then I was with our daughter.
We are still pretty active people granted we have gained a few pounds over the years.
The big question is what age child would you like to adopt and how active are you willing to be? Do you live in a community with a lot of children? I know young parents who are not active. And some are just down right lazy.
I really don't the the age is should be the main factor - it is how willing you are to commit to allowing your child to be the best person they can be.
I am so happy to find this thread . I am 47 and my hubby is 54 . This is a second marriage for both and we are both much happier . He has grown children the youngest is 21 away at school. I was not able to have children due to an issue with my first husband and he refused to "raise Someone else kid" . But that is the past and my now husband and his family have a another view. We are in a large home in the country and have the space and the open heart to look at fostering / Adopting . We are talking about a sibling group in the age of 5 plus . We are still in the beginning stage and I am like a sponge learning and getting all sides Pro/ cons and going into this with my eyes wide open . So send me any input and help my way.
My husband is 59 and I am almost 58. We have a foster/adopt daughter with us, ordered to our home by a judge two months ago. We were no longer wanting to foster or adopt and we were retiring. We have moved into our smaller retirement place on the lake and now have a 15 year old. We have done this for many years now, but being in the now, we should not have taken her. We are doing the best we can as we believe God brought her to our home. We have accomplished much for her benefit getting her free from meds she should not have been on. (The last foster home over medicated her to get more money from the state) We are getting zero support since we are no longer a registered home, but a 'kinship' placement. She is a sweet girl, with few issues, but she does consider us old and has mentioned this often.
When you are older like we are, the family mix is changed quite a bit. Just make sure you realize bringing in a mixed group of young ones is bringing many new personalities into your home. Be prepared for surprises and issues cropping up right and left. It seems like such a wonderful thing to do and truly it is, but it will remake you and your husband into different people. Your relationship will be affected by so many new little ones.
Be vigilant and in prayer and roll with the changes.
I write this as we are just a bit older than you are and are in the midst of just having one added to our 'retirement'. Pray and make sure you are ready for these changes in your life as they will be positively affected by this new home if you are going in eyes open and the flexibility of a wet noodle!
I am also over age 45. I have just started the adoption process and I am just as conflicted as you describe. I have been praying hoping for an answer too. I just want you to know that someone else is in your shoes too. I think that our feeling conflicted is a sign that we care so much about being good parents. Conflicted feelings aren't always a bad thing when they arise out of love for a potential child. I asked myself how I would feel in 4-5 years, when most agencies have you age out at at 50, if I did not adopt and I decided that I would be very disappointed and so I decided, with my husband, to go for it. I am still feeling conflicted but I think it's because I want to do right by my future child. ((((((Hugs & prayers))))) Margaret
posh
Hi everyone,
I need to ask for prayers. My dh and I have thought alot about adopting. We made the decision to go ahead in the fall. I want to do what I feel God wants me to do but at this point I am not sure what that is. I felt led to adopt but now I am questioning whether we should or not. I still have time to pray about it. I know it is a very big decision to make at our ages. I am 49 dh is 53. I know that some do not agree with older people adopting and how old we will be when the child grows up and all of that. I know that we can't go out and do some of the things little kids might like to do but we do have alot of love to share with a little one. I think that counts for something right? Anyway what I need are prayers that God will have us do what He wants us to do. thanks.
If you felt led to adoption, continue on that path!! Do not let anyone else talk you down or out of it. These children NEED parents (regardless of your age).
I was 38 when my daughter was born. She was adopted at birth through an inter state open adoption plan. I had a few family members tell me I am too old to adopt and why should I have a second child.
If I had listened to them, I wouldn't be with the most wonderful daughter who has blessed my life in so many ways. She is now 6, and I couldn't imagine being without her!!! :love:
Your comments resonate with me. I am 45 and my husband is 43. We have just been notified of an adoption opportunity. We started this process 5 years ago after miscarriages. We have had several opportunities fall through and now we feel conflicted:Are we too old? Do we still want this? What about 5 years from now? At 50 I'd be heading to kindergarten with a little one. Is that right for both of us???
Your comments resonate with me. I am 45 and my husband is 43. We have just been notified of an adoption opportunity. We started this process 5 years ago after miscarriages. We have had several opportunities fall through and now we feel conflicted:Are we too old? Do we still want this? What about 5 years from now? At 50 I'd be heading to kindergarten with a little one. Is that right for both of us???
Our situation is a little different. We recently adopted Nov. 05. I am 46 and my husband is only 35. However I stay at home with our daughter and am the primary care giver. Being a Mom can sometimes be very draining on me, some days or moments can be very difficult, on the other hand the joy and wonder of this beautiful little girl in our lives is tremendous.
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Bless you my dear, as the lady said I'd only worry about their ages. I had my second daughter at 44, a real blessing for sure. She's so wonderful, I love her with all my heart. Yes you can still parent just fine maybe even better than when you were the first time. You are older and wiser, give it a go, you'll do fine.
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posh
Hi everyone,
I need to ask for prayers. My dh and I have thought alot about adopting. We made the decision to go ahead in the fall. I want to do what I feel God wants me to do but at this point I am not sure what that is. I felt led to adopt but now I am questioning whether we should or not. I still have time to pray about it. I know it is a very big decision to make at our ages. I am 49 dh is 53. I know that some do not agree with older people adopting and how old we will be when the child grows up and all of that. I know that we can't go out and do some of the things little kids might like to do but we do have alot of love to share with a little one. I think that counts for something right? Anyway what I need are prayers that God will have us do what He wants us to do. thanks.
My husband and I also adopted when we were older. When we were first married we agreed that we would have two children of our own and then adopt. However, our first children were grown and out of the house when I felt God nudging us to adopt. "YOU PROMISED TO ADOPT" was a whisper I could not avoid any longer. So already in our mid sixties we began our search for our son. We found him in Texas just 5.5 months before he would have aged out of the foster system. It was a wild and wonderful roller coaster ride for us. But worth every minute. Even with developmental delays, Brandon is now doing well on his new job and has integrated well with his community. He will be 21 in 4 months. Did you know that within one year of aging out of foster care, 60 percent of these children/young adults will be homeless, in jail or dead? I would encourage you to look at adopting a teenager from foster care. I know the time with them is less but the long term family connections can still be there. And you don't have such a long wait to be a grandparent! ;-) It even inspired us to start an organization called Brandon's Libraries for Little Ones, [url=http://www.librariesforlittleones.org]Brandon's Libraries for Little Ones[/url].