over 45

I am also over age 45. I have just started the adoption process and I am just as conflicted as you describe. I have been praying hoping for an answer too. I just want you to know that someone else is in your shoes too. I think that our feeling conflicted is a sign that we care so much about being good parents. Conflicted feelings aren't always a bad thing when they arise out of love for a potential child. I asked myself how I would feel in 4-5 years, when most agencies have you age out at at 50, if I did not adopt and I decided that I would be very disappointed and so I decided, with my husband, to go for it. I am still feeling conflicted but I think it's because I want to do right by my future child. ((((((Hugs & prayers))))) Margaret