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Hi
This will be a sensitive subject which is why I haven't asked my own birth mother yet... But for anyone who have birth in Australia (particularly through the Sydney adventist hospital) what was your birthing experience / adoption agreement like? I ask this because I know my mum was forced to give me up... She was given no option... I have read and re read my adoption consent form and all I see in her handwriting is a tiny name printed on the agreement... The rest was filled in my the witness... I really want to know what kind of support was given to my mother... My heart breaks thinking of a 17 yr old being forced to give up their baby... Not being allowed to ever see it... I want to know of this was standard for the late 70s? If anyone can shed some light on this I would be truly grateful xxxx
Well I contacted my birth mother and asked her questions on the whole birth experience... Told her from my heart that I wanted to know our story... How my heart was broken knowing she didn't feel she had a choice... We spoke on the phone today and she said she had blocked all that from her memory and was just glad we met and have a great relationship now... Was I wrong in asking for her memories on what happend? I feel so bad for asking her to remember....
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Kskye
Nice post. I think you are both on a pretty cruisy roller-coaster-ride.
I can only answer for myself. I gave birth to my bson in Melbourne 1969 and it was a horrible experience - but at the time I was not aware of what I should have expected.
I think the single, solo, young, vulnerable young woman (19) all alone, was the worst personal experience of my life. I had read about the birth experience, but I expected the nursing staff to be patient and caring - instead I found staff rough, rude and insensitive.
I was in labour for 6 hours in a dark room - no medication and a maternity nurse who kept on telling me that I deserved all I got.
I wanted to hold my child - refused
I wanted him in a crib by my bed the same as all the other mothers in the ward - refused
Then I was medicated for three days with leaking breasts and no visitors allowed while they sorted out the paper work for the adoption.
Finally - I demanded time with my baby - and got it.
I threatened not to sign.:love:
After signing the forms I was told that I had signed his life away - That the State would find him parents and I had no rights to interfere for the rest of his life. No mention of course on the 30 day timetable.
I don't say my baby was stolen - I do know that the system was distorted. I had not tell my family of the pregnancy and it was my decision alone to place him with adoptive parents.
You ask were you right or wrong in asking your birthmother about the details?? Only she can answer Because I had hidden the pregnancy and the birth from my family I needed to fill them in on something that happened 32 years ago. Scary stuff.... but finally I had the courage to be honest and open.
Honestly, to finally let go of a secret and tell all was so refreshing and so healing.
I soooo hope your birthmother feels the same. And hope you understand that she trusted you and felt comfortable enough with you to share (probably) her greatest fear.
Good luck with what's to come in the future.
Ann