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[font=Comic Sans MS]And more...[/font]
Unexplained Behaviors Inconsolable Crying, Screaming, Raging Temper Tantrums
Early trauma (which includes separation from birth mother, multiple placements, hospitalizations, etc...) can cause impairment in a part of the brain (limbic system, Amygdala.) This becomes a nonverbal/emotional memory; the body remembers the trauma even though the conscious mind may not. This is "neuro-hijacking." Neurons in your heart, stomach, etc...send messages just like the brain does...and, because there are more neurons in the body than in the brain, it can in effect hijack the body. The body remembers!
The part of the brain in which this occurs is in a preverbal area; therefore, when a young child with this early trauma experiences one of these neuro-hijackings (which can look like unexplained crying, screaming, temper tantrums), it doesn't work to try to talk through it. His brain/body has been hi-jacked. He cannot hear you. In a similar vein, an older child with this issue cannot talk himself out of it. (You know the self-talk you give yourself--"It's going to be all right," "I feel nervous, but I know that it's going to be okay," etc...)
The good news is that you can help children to heal! But, because the part of the brain that you're dealing with is the non-verbal part, you have to learn to think differently. Traditional methods of discipline and trying to talk through these behaviors with children may be ineffective. In our son's case, I started to recognize that we had a problem** when:
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[*]1. The discipline methods that I used with our other three children had no effect whatsoever. "No" meant nothing. I may as well have been talking to a brick wall.
2. I saw unexplained behaviorexcessive whining, unhappiness, crying, screaming, temper tantrums. If he had been my first child, I would have written the unexplained behavior off as terrible twos, teeth, tiredness, etc... I almost did anyway! Especially when well-meaning professionals also tried to write it off.
[/list]** Symptoms look different in every child; consult [url="http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=4&Itemid=71"]Symptoms[/url] for more information.
With the information we now have, we are able to deal with discipline and the unexplained behavior. The WONDERFUL thing about this is that the brain is so malleable up to the age of 33 months. We could have very easily written off his behavior as terrible twos and missed this incredible window of opportunity.
FAQ: So how do parents address the non-verbal part of the brain?
Wow. Isn't that the ten million dollar question?
Imagine trying to tame a feral cat. It is absolutely terrified of you. It claws and scratches and hisses at you at every turn. If you brought the cat indoors, chances are that if allowed to run lose, it would continue to be wild forever. You could say, דHere, kitty kitty. Its okay kitty,Ҕ until you turned blue, but it wouldnt tame the cat. Even under the best of circumstances with years and years of living with you, it probably would never allow you to hold and cuddle it. It might get "agreeable," but would never completely trust you҅or anyone else.
If, on the other hand, you pulled that cat in close--protected it from hurting itself or you--and then gave it very, very tight boundaries, it would probably start to feel safe. It wouldn't like it at first. But over time, with very tight boundaries and a ton of consistency, it would start to feel safe.
Alternately, imagine you have a very anxious dog. He is 100% loyal to you, but when visitors come to the door he either emotionally loses controlbarking & barking & jumpingחor he cowers, running to hide under the bed. For his quality of life to be the highest, you pull him close to derive calm from you so that he can eventually learn to self-regulate. Like the cat, this beloved pet will only feel safe after learning that you are trustworthy, loving, and very, very consistent.
In a similar way, kids with attachment disorders are wounded. Parents have to put pressure on to stop the loss of blood. They cannot let up or they'll lose the kid. These kids need extremely tight boundaries--much tighter than what "normal" kids need--given with the utmost love and confidence. The kids need to know that Mom & Dad are 100% in control so that they can feel safe. This form of parenting is often counter-intuitive. Even the most experienced parents benefit from supervision by an attachment specialist.
Of course, the parenting component doesn't fully address the brain issues. Ideally, a child also needs additional neurological support from professionals trained in the effects of early separation/trauma on the developing brain.
Straight Talk When a child undergoes sudden separation from the birth mother, the wiring in the brain may be affected. This doesnt just apply to international adoption. Attachment specialists work with children whose adoptive parents were present in the delivery room. Premature infants who remain with their biological families may develop attachment issues due to the separation inherent with hospitalization. But children who have been adopted internationally are at certain risk for attachment problems. They have undergone separation from birth mothers and subsequent caregivers. They may have been prenatally exposed to high levels of their birth mothersҒ stress hormones. Many have undergone painful medical procedures. All have sudden, dramatic change in environment and culture. These kids are at risk.
The Good News
Successful treatment for attachment disorders is as high as 100% for infants and 90% for toddlers. Up to about 33 months of age, the brain is very malleable. That window of opportunity is significant for the longterm emotional health of the child and the family.
Earlier the Better
Many parents of infants and toddlers miss attachment-related symptoms because they mirror normalӔ early childhood behaviors. Even with some concerns they may decide to "wait it out," hoping that what they're seeing is a developmental stage that the child will grow out of. But attachment disorders don't just go away--although symptoms may change as the child enters new developmental stages. For example, a baby who will go happily to any stranger may become a toddler who wanders off at the storeto a school child who seems to prefer other families to his ownŅto a teenager who is sexually promiscuous.
Therapists report that parents often bring children in for the first time when they reach school age. The child may have friendship problems or show aggressive behaviors. Learning problems may be related to a lack of concentrationhypervigilance that is often misdiagnosed as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD.) Reading may be a struggle as eye movement is connected to the neurological problems in the pons portion of the brain.
As children with attachment problems grow, they may be misdiagnosed with a variety of conditions: ADHD, Aspergers or other autism spectrum disorders including PDD-NOS, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), or bipolar disorder. Medications may be effective in treating other conditions, but no medication will cure an attachment disorder. Families do well to consult with attachment professionals, even as they work with others in the medical community.
If parents suspect attachment issues, they are wise to consult with a specialist as early as possible.