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Honestly, until I stumbled into this forum I had no idea that a birthmom who had relinquished could ever be eligible for adopting under any circumstance. It has been 13 years since I relinquished at age 18 and my circumstance has changed dramatically. I am now happily married for going on 7 years, financially secure, and a homeowner. :D Sadly, my husband and I have had much difficulty trying to have a baby of our own. We have talked much about how we would love to adopt from China, if I only I hadn't placed when I was young. The fact is, we not only meet but EXCEED every single requirement laid down by The People's Republic of China to be eligible to adopt. Not only that, I read that an ethnic Chinese couple receives priority. Well...my husband is 100% Han Chinese and I'm 1/2 Han Chinese on maternal side and 1/2 Anglo but I was raised only by my maternal family. We are both fluent in Mandarin and English and very aware of our heritage and customs. We feel we would have so much to offer a child from China. If not for the fact of me having placed a child in my youth, we would've already applied! Having read here that some birthmoms are able to adopt, can anyone give me some insight if it would be worth our time to make an application to adopt from China? Or is it the case that we could only adopt domestic through social service agency?
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taramayrn
I didn't read your whole post and jumped to conclusions. That's all. See Brandy's posts, she quoted me.
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No, it's not different. There are certain people who don't want to hear it but it's certainly not "different." Too often we hear of women who relinquished children and then found, later in life, that they couldn't have children biologically; either to physical health or emotional blockage. (Read the book "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler for some of these stories. And they are just a handful, at best.) It is certainly not unheard of for firstparents to adopt.Beyond that, you shouldn't have to justify your reasoning for placement or adopting to anyone. Just as they really shouldn't have to justify all of their life choices to you. KWIM? The invitation to join the (very well informed) China members could really be beneficial to you. Besides, I think I know who invited you and she would make sure that no one would say anything out of line.Beyond that, gah, we all have pasts. I'm not perfect. ;) I swear. ;)
I surrendered my daughter 40 years ago, and adopted my other daughter from Korea 30 years ago. I will admit that I didn't mention to our social worker that I was a birthmother until after the adoption was finalized. At that point, I was invited to speak to groups of prospective adoptive parents about being a birthmother. I have other friends who are birthmothers and have gone on to adopt. Go for it!! Talk to an agency and see what they say. And good luck. karen
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I'm a birthmom (reunited with my 26 year old son) and adoptive mom (4 year old daughter). We talked with at least 6 agencies prior to selecting one, and there were no questions/issues related to my relinquishment. As part of the home study, anyone who adopts goes through the same type of background check that would pick up past issues with children or vulnerable adults.
My agency has a very strong network of parents, so we get to see who they've worked with - one of their most beloved adoptive moms, who is now adopting again from the same agency, placed her 1st child close to 20 years ago. From what I've seen she has been welcomed with open arms ESPECIALLY because she is a birthmother. Granted, this agency is very pro-open adoption - and who better to entrust an open adoption relationship with than someone who so intimately understands birthparents! Go for it! You have SO much to offer!:cheer:
Barlando
As part of the home study, anyone who adopts goes through the same type of background check that would pick up past issues with children or vulnerable adults.
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That's wonderful. Lots of birth parents go on to adopt. My husband allowed two children to be adopted by a step-parent (LONG complicated story). Ten years later, now married to me for 5 years, he and I adopted our son. No one even blinked about it. It was fully revealed in home study and they saw it as a PLUS not a minus. They said he'd be able to relate better to our son! And I was worried about it -- go figure.
I am stunned that anyone would even try to suggest that a prior placement can be considered a risk,when everyone at the agency was probably telling you how wonderful and unselfish you were you were to voluntarily place. Some of the judgemental garbage birthmoms have to put up with ~~just infuriates me.Please adopt a child.You will have extra compassion from your own experience.
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