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FallenChild
hi- knowing some NY law, I'd like to dispel a myth that is perpetutaed about a Mother's right to "Change her Mind" about her baby's adoption.
Often, it's said that although a pregnant mom goes along with the begiing stages of aoption for her baby, that she can "change her mind" and reverse the adoption. One gets the impression that all she has to do is say, "O.K. guys, I've changed my mind, and I want my baby" and immediately the adoption machine will stop. This however is a gross and fatal misunderstanding on her part, she she believes "changing her mind" about adoption is simply this easy!!
The problem for the mother when she "changes her mind" under New York Law, is that once the adoption of her child is started, she may well find herself fighting and uphill, if not impossible battle when trying to stop the adoption proceedings before the adoption is final or otherwise get her baby back. She may find that the adoption proceeding has prgressed to such a stage that she no longer has any more rights over her baby as the baby's mother as any stranger would - even before the adoption is final!!!! This will no doubt leave the mother surprised, if not stunned!! After all, tha baby is still hers until the adoption if final, isn't it!?!??! Well, the answer may well be a big fat NO!!!!!!!!! And so, herein lies the myth that a mother may "simply change her mind about adoption."
Once the adoption has progressed to a certain stage, the mother will now find herself having to prove why her baby should NOT be adopted, and must now prove that not having her baby adopted is in the best interest of her baby. Something she would never have had to prove if she didn't get involved in the adoption process in the first place!!! The mother may now find herself in a position of having to pay legal costs to prove she is worthy of her own baby, and right that would not have otherwise been questioned had she not "explored" adoption for her child. She must now prove that her baby is not better off with the potential adoptive parents or adoption agency and must pay a lawyer to do it, if she even expects a chance at being successful.
I personally was shocked when I read the New York law on this. I could hardly believe that such a shift in rights could be mounted against the natural mother with respect to her own child, but it is the law none the less!!! It makes one wonder about all the adoption ads out on the web about "adoption being a birth mother's choice".
Choice indeed, Fallen Child
There is no "Certain stage" that prevents someone from revoking consent.
Every birthmother must sign away her rights. And when she is signing the form, it states the exact time period she has to revoke. If the law says, you have two days to revoke and you don't revoke in those two days, your baby is going to be adopted. It doesn't matter if the baby's adoption by the new parents hasn't even started yet.
You are bound by the relinquishment paper you sign. If it states you cannot change your mind, you can't sign it and then change your mind. If it states, you have 72 hours to change your mind, you can't change your mind 3 weeks later.
Once you sign the relinquishment paper, you have no more rights to that child once the revocation period is over. It doesn't matter if the child is ever adopted. That doesn't matter in the eyes of the law. When you sign away your rights, you are giving up all claim to that child. Maybe the child will be adopted by the parents you chose. Maybe the agency will place the child with different parents. Maybe the child will go into foster care. Regardless of where the child ends up, you, as a birthmother, have no rights if you don't revoke your consent within the time allowed by law.
If you sign a relinquishment without talking to an attorney or reading the form, that isn't the baby or the adoptive parents' fault.
There is a lot of misinformation going on in this thread. And it's not fair to birthparents who are looking for actual answers.
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whitsunday15
For adoptees and biological mothers from the closed era, do you ever suspect or feel that the adoption was illegal?
And if so, why do you think it may have been illegal?
my adopted mother bought me in Athens for 6000 dracmes in 1981.she knew that i had been taken from borth and wass till willing to do it.yes she wanted a baby but to more recent informtaion i was 3 months old at the time of my adoption which takes me back to march 1981.The hidden secrets she has kept from me ruined alot of my life and i have known since i was 6 years old that i was adopted,then later found i was stolen from my birth mother and she was given a death cerificate to say i had died.I am looking fo the family in crete who lost there daughter in march 2nd 1981,i am here and i am alive and would like to do DNA testing to proove its me.i have a good feeling abou this family and i am in search for them as i know they are in search for me.
carmel drake
Whit,
I was legally my daughter's mother, when I was told that my child's new parents were coming to get her, I was never told of a waiting period and I was never told that she was in foster care. All my legal rights were delibrately hidden from me and my daughter.
My Bmom didn't know I was going into foster care and told I was going to a rich family. Both my brother and my non id info was falsified. My brother was told his father was married and his mother had an affair. He didn't get married until a year after my brother was born. LIES !!!! That is what adoption was all about. And you wonder why these days there is a stigma and shame surrounding adoption
Kat-L,
Both of your posts are to banned members.
I also think the thread is primarily about adoptions during the BSE era - 1947-1973. Laws have changed since then and even those referencing later adoptions were under different laws most likely. I doubt birth parents would be looking in the adult adoptee forum for advice.
Kind regards,
Dickons
Well where to start? My gramps told me that his lawyer friend who owed him a favor knew someone who had a baby so, my grandma and grandpa flew to Florida got me, brought me back to my mom (surprise) who had no idea I was coming.
Mom said she couldn't believe i didn't suffocate that 1st night cause i slept in a makeshift crib (a drawer w/a pillow in it) I was born in 1962 in Miami, FL (The Cole era) and when i was in my early 20's i told my Dad I wanted to search and he said, "Angela it was a bad situation thats better off left alone"
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I am unsure to what extent a court has to go to prove the adoption information provided is valid.
In my case I was adopted in the mid 30's through a black market hospital that was under an indictment for child trafficking.
The adoption itself was handled legally by a prominent local attorney, but the circumstances leading up to it were fraudulent -- yet the court allowed the adoption to continue knowing the circumstances behind the adoption and that I was a part of the child trafficking because I had been sold into the adoption.
Now b-moms and others are asking and searching for valid info. In the maze of stories,out right deception, fraudulent stories and actions, and guarded silence, how can any of us know where the truth lies.
In 1938 that hospital for unwed mothers was closed by the state.
Today the state of PA is holding 136 adoption records from 1 illegal hospital and an unknown number from others around the state.
For those adoptees looking for valid information in states with sealed records it is a toss up as to what they will find.
There may be a way for the state to provide non-identifying information, but in most cases there is only a record of the adoption court proceedings. As a result, it is doubtful that there will be any information relating to personal descriptions of the b-family within those records of the court proceedings.
As a result, the adoption can be entirely legal from the standpoint of court proceedings, but that doesn't necessarily rule out the circumstances that lead up to the adoption.
There can be untruths, fraud, stories in the background which are fraudulent, but unknown to the court, etc.
When the era of sealed records began, it was easy to hide any discrepancies in the adoption records. All there was in the court handled adoptions were the records of the adoption case and information provided to the court at the time of the adoption. There was no record of the validity of the information or from whom it was provided e.g. case worker, attorney, b-parents, etc.
I was adopted when I was hours old. I am not exactly sure what the circumstances were surrounding it but I sure know one thing..it was illegal. I did not have a SIN number and could not get a job although I tried but never get employment in my teens. When push came to shove I guess my adopted parents had to belly up to the bar and get me properly adopted, that is when my a-dad and me had to go see the lawyer and sign some papers, that was at age 17. Weird to go through all those years and not be legally adopted, I wonder what was going through their heads. Just a side note, I really dont have a good relationship with my a-parents, I have all but been abandoned...thank goodness for my fiance, she has really helped me through all of the bs.
Whit, there was no adoubt with my adoption.
I was sold to the highest bider thru a black market hospital in W. Chester, PA.
The court knew what was happening, but did nothing and the adoption proceeded.
There is no paperwork so searching is not possible. I have paid everyday of my life.
I wish you the best.
whitsunday15
For adoptees and biological mothers from the closed era, do you ever suspect or feel that the adoption was illegal?
And if so, why do you think it may have been illegal?
I need help. I live in Stoddard county Missouri. It is not father's rights progressive, at all. When my daughter was two, I was in the middle of a custody battle, because my ex girlfriend tried to legally give my daughter to her mother. I found this out, whenever they attempted to have me sign my rights away, telling me that it was only a "consent form", so that the grandmother could "give medical consent", in our absence.
Upon FINALLY getting visitation with my daughter, she told my wife and I that her "pee pee hurt"... I took her to the emergency room, despite the grandmother threatening to "call the cops, and get me for kidnapping", if I did, saying that she "already has a doctors appointment for Monday, stay out of it".
The doctor hotlined the incident, and upon a DFS investigation, charges was filed on the biological mother for violently molesting her, and bringing her to me, in hopes that I'd be blamed for it.
DFS attempted to terminate her rights, however, years went by, as her lawyer kept continuing her prosecution, and kept her from parental rights from being terminated.
I wanted her to have a chance at a normal life, so I asked that the prosecutor offer her a deal, if she voluntarily signed her rights away.
My wife begged to adopt her, but I saw no need. Her and her mother went to my brother's law office, and asked him to talk me into it, saying that she shouldn't be made to raise a child that wasn't legally hers, even though I was raising her daughter (my stepdaughter) as if she was mine.
He told me AND my mother that the biological mother couldn't just give up her rights, that they HAD to go to SOMEBODY. My mother said that he was lying, but he told me that if I didn't sign the adoption papers, my daughter would stay in foster care, because a father cannot assume soul custody of a child.
My wife filed for divorce, and persued an exparte on me, after I started asking questions about why my children seemed to be being brainwashed, and all of the sudden, wouldn't even LOOK at me, let alone SPEAK to me. I was VERY concerned, and after catching my wife in lies about the time that my daughter was spending with my father in law, and nights that she was spending at my in laws house.
After I began to see what she was trying to hide with these lies, I hotlined them, and told them that I had suspicions about my father in law possibly molesting my children.
DFS assigned a family friend of theirs to investigate, and she called me, telling me that she has seen my children, and "they are fine".
Four months later, I saw my stepdaughter driving in a nearby town, and stopped her to give her some birthday money (I always give her $50).
In the compartment of her drivers side door, I found a letter from DFS, stating that the molestation was substantiated, it was going on for years, AND my daughter was living in an "unsafe" home, in the same nieghborhood as my father in law (the perpetrator) but upon the parent's (my wife) request, there would NOT be a case opened, and that the parents (my wife) refused further services.
My stepdaughter told me that my wife had been driving her car, the past couple of days.
Now that she is not allowed to drag my daughter to her pedophile parent's house, my wife has told my child that she was adopted (a closed adoption, for obvious reasons), and introduced her to her biological mother's family (the ones that first raped my baby), who have been reinforcing the brainwashing about me being "the bad guy", and just wanting to "destroy good families".
Nobody will help me. The judge in our divorce wants everything to go as normal, in Stoddard county (the woman gets the kids, the man pays support, and has YET to give me visitation), so I need to prove my daughter's adoption illegal, due to the manipulation that led me to allow it, in the first place.
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My mom said when I was born it was made to look like she was my birth mother and all records were falsified leaving all information about my birth mother out of the picture. The only thing on my birth certificate that is true is that my mother had 0 living children from previous births. That would have been my birth mother because my adoptive mother had one child at the time of my birth.
This was in 1954 and it must have been pretty easy back then just to fake everything.
Katzkratch,
Are you positive that this is your original birth certificate? Without a doubt, this could have been prearranged by your a- and b-moms to switch identities at the hospital, and your a-mom's name could have ended up on the original.
But, the vast majority of adoptees have an original birth certificate on which our b-mom's information is present and an amended birth certificate on which our a-parents' information is listed instead of our b-parents' info.
And, most of us only have legal access to the amended one.
In adoption circles it is hard to identify truth. It would seem that much information would be presented as truth and have validity. But it doesn't. As adoptees we are left to decide if the fragments of information we are given, fit the story we know.
No one really knows the depth of the dark side of adoption.
There have been cases where physicians admitted b-moms to the hospital for delivery and the children were given to the a-parents. Hospital records show that the a-mom was admitted to the hospital and the child that was born was hers. When in fact she was never admitted to the hospital. The b-mom of the child was
never identified so a subsequent search was not possible.
In a landmark case, 2 children were sold through the black market as twins. When in fact, they were born 11 days apart. Not only were they not twins, but also not related.
I have an original birth certificate which names my b-parents. But I also have an amended BC which carries the name I was given at the time of adoption.
Each of those BC carry only the names of the people involved; nothing else.
Altho I have searched for 60 years there is no evidence of links to any set of b-parents or family.
At this point it doesn't really matter. I will stand with the thousands of others who have never found.
If I were to find b-family, that would be surprising and welcome. But it is unlikely for the present.
I wish you the best.
There is much that has been written in regards to adoption and how flawed the present system may be.
Altho the current system is imperfect, it serves as a better alternative than what happened prior to the implemention of Foster Care.
For those of you who have followed adoption history in this country in the years approximately 1850 - 1929 you can read the stories of the events as a result of the Orphan Trains.
Those stories outline the status of children left to live on the streets and being given long sentences or hanged for stealing apples or other minor legal infractions.
Charles Loring Brace, a minister, began the Childrens Aid Society and with it came the hope that children shipped to the mid-west would find homes.
It was an imperfect system. Children were lined up on RR platforms and inspected by adopting parents.
Their stories have been written as autobiographies and shared.
In the early '70's, Hollywood made a movie called "Orphan Train."
If we were to dismantle the Foster Care system, as imperfect as it may be, what would become of all the children needing help and protection? Where would they go and who would care for them?
I wish you the best.
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I believe my adoption was never legal. I've met my biological parents and known their story for years but didn't understand how I had the birth certifies I grew up on until. I had both of them side by side many years later when I was trying to file for my Native American membership through my biolocialy mom. Now, I am at lost as to what to do in order to fix the mess the people who took us created????