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Our 23 month old fd was abandoned 4 days after birth so we have almost no family history on either bparent.
The bmother did let the CPS worker know she had been treated for bipolar disorder prior to her pregancy. We have no other medical history on any other family member but we do know there was a 10 year drug history with her fmother.
How concerned should we be that the bipolar disorder may be passed on to our fd?
She so far has exhibited night terrors or awakening periods in the middle of the night. Sometimes we'll think she's fallen back to sleep and then her eyes will slam open and scare the heck out of us. She doesn't look like she's looking at us, but through us. She can be the happiest girl most of the time but out of nowhere will hit me so hard in the face for no reason. She has head butted me several times, once so severely I thought my nose had broken. She will act agressively towards another person (adult or child) in one instance and then ever so sweetly kiss them and bat her eyes at them the next instance.
Is this normal toddler behavior? Or should we be concerned?
We are preparing to complete our adoption subsidy papers. We don't know if we should bring these issues up or not. We don't know if she'll need any care relating to this as she grows older.
What would any of you do?
Now I may be placed with the younger twin sisters of my foster son. Their mom is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Am I crazy to want to foster these 3 kids with the hopes of adoption?
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I would still adopt them. There are treatments and you know it runs in the family so if they show signs you will know what to look for it generally hits in late 20's. I'm sure that it is somewhere in most families and I would bet that over half the drug addicts probably have it and are covering it up by doing drugs and a lot of the foster kids have drug addicted parents.
Our kids mom is bipolar. There is a hereditary component but it usually never shows up in kids under six and even then it's rarely diagnosed. More often diagnosed in teenagers and young adults.
We have a fantastic child therapist for our kids. She feels that if bipolar shows up it can easily be controlled with medications so she's not too worried about it.
Night terrors are normal for all children at that age. They're just terrifying for the adults - the kids don't remember them at all. I swear they're responsible for at least half of my gray hairs!
I am bipolar... and though it is rare I remember feeling "different" as early as nine years old and younger... it was like I could feel it building up inside me. I would get these huge bursts of energy then get sooo angry... :( i wasnt diagnosed for many years... it was hard on me, but harder on the rest of my family. I terrorized them... and there is no taking that back :(
My 16yo was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at age 10. He had behavioral problems and was difficult to manage as early as two. His Bio-Mom and two bio-brothers have also been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder also, so in his case there does seem to be a strong genetic component. His two sisters also have mood disorders.
Bipolar disorder is usually present at a very early age, but is often mislabeled in children as ADHD, Sensory Processing disorder or kids are labeled as just being behavioral. The disorder in children also looks quite different in children than it does in an adult and should be evaluated/diagnosed by a Child Psychiatrist. Often couselors and therapists do not have the diagnostic expertise to differentiate Bipolar disorder in children.
Bipolar disorder is a life long disorder and most children will need long term medication to manage the illness. Symptoms can improve as a child matures and is more able to control their emotions and impulses, but medication is needed to manage the chemical imbalance in the brain. As a parent, you really have to educate yourself about the symptoms and management of the disorder.
My son has been stable on medication, but he will have cycles in which we have to adjust his medication. We are now in the process of preparing him for adulthood and teaching him to manage his own medication and medical appointments. One of the greatest risks is that young adults will usually try to stop their medication and then have a full episode requiring hospitalization.
I would suggest seeking some further evaluation for your daughter if you are concerned.
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True bi-polar disorder can only be determined with CAT scan and/or advanced psych diagnosis. Many drug users may act bi-polar as they withdrawl and use again but might not be. Conversely, some people become drug users because they try to self-medicate their bi-polar disorers.
When DD was presented to us, we were told that biomom was bi-polar and using. Frankly, we thought, 'okay how do they know she is really bi-polar?' Then, we thought, 'hey healthy people can have kids with autism, downs, CP, ADHD, etc. or any other host of concerns, so what's the worst that can happen? She can have it. We can medicate her.'
We took her. Three years later, we have no regrets. She is the apple of our eyes.
Hostely, we have some concerns now (at age 3) about hyper-activity, risk taking, being stubborn, and possible mild-FAS, but doctors don't think she has FAS. They think she could have ADHD and/or just be a hyper toddler who could use me saying "no" with a sterner voice. Doctors claim we won't know about ADHD or other mental concerns until age 5+ as they become school aged. However, doctor said she herself was ADHD. So there!
My older sister is currrently on meds for bi-polar. She is a bit OCDish and depressive, but she hasn't always been that way. She was actually a very obediate, smart kid. She actually has a master's degree now. her bi-polarness got worse, though after she had kids and quit working. I wonder how much her life has contributed to her moods swings and need for bi-polar meds that her doctor claims she needs. I would have to say, she is better to be around once she got medicated.
So, bi-polar disease and ADHD aren't the end of the road.
one last thing. I would not tell anyone but a doc that she has bi-polar parents. I can't express how much I hate it when I hear people joke about someone acting bi-polar in jest.
My birth parents both were diagnosed with schizophrenia. Both also used heroin. There's not one person, including the multitude of doctors they both saw, what was the cause of the mental illness, and what was the effect. I've ended up diagnosed with bipolar & OCD, both of which have strong hereditary origins. I've also been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and specific phobias which are probably more environmental. Then there's the insecure attachment patterns, which are glaringly situational.
Nobody gave my parents a money back guarantee. In fact, nobody even bothered to tell my parents there was a family history of mental illness. I am guessing it wouldn't have changed their mind about the placement (I'd say 98% sure!) but I like to think it may have made some difference in my ability to receive treatment early on. As of yet there is no genetic test, CAT scan, or other physical way of telling if an individual has bipolar disorder or the predisposition toward it. There is simply a checklist of behaviors that they change every 20 years or so (DSM-V is coming out soon, and the diagnostic criteria is strikingly different than the DSM-IV).
What it ultimately comes down to is risk. Is the risk of not being a parent greater than the risk of having a child with a mental illness (or some other form of disability)? Because that's basically what it comes down to. The risks are higher with adoption--despite the fact that I will probably get flamed--it's my personal opinion supported heavily by anecdotal observations that many parents who make an adoption plan do so because of life challenges triggered by a mental illness. But risks with giving birth are there as well--two of my (adopted) cousins, both on different sides of the family and thus not at all related biologically, had children with spina bifida. Neither knew there was a family history, though spina bifida also has a genetic link.
You can worry about it, stress about it, hopefully you will educate yourself about it--but when it comes down to it, if it happens you will deal with it, in one way or another.
And to second the comment on joking about it--what's up with that anyway? Most people wouldn't think of joking about a visible handicap and yet even my family members who know I have bipolar disorder joke about it and expect me to think it's funny. Yet another wonderful aspect about having an invisible illness.
I'm on a soap box (actually still in recovery after a manic episode)...excuse the possibility that aspects of this thread make little to no sense.
hrisme--thank you.
my oldest son has bipolar disorder. aside from some issues of depression for his mom, his parents have no other history of mental illness. his mother's brother has the symptoms of bipolar, but is not diagnosed.
i know this to be absolutely true information because he is our bio-son.
he had the requisite tests to rule out other problems like seizure disorders, tumors, brain bleeds and the like. the best we could get, after thousands of dollars, was a rule-out diagnosis--bipolar was the only thing they could not rule out. he started on his full med protocol when he was 14. it included a mood stabilizer, 2 anti-depressants, 2 ADHD drugs, and an anti-psychotic.
at its worst, it was no fun. at its best? sometimes no fun, but usually better than it had been in a very long time.
by the way, i'm also the parent who openly talks about her son's bipolar illness. i, too, am totally taken aback by the ignorance people have over what it means to be bipolar. my opinion is this: the more secrecy we have about the illness, the longer we will continue to see idiotic behavior. there is no shame in having an illness and i refuse to allow silence and embarrassment to continue.
today he is 23, has a certificate as a diesel mechanic, and makes more money per year than i do with my master's degree. he doesn't take any meds, preferring to be a workaholic to wear himself out. he's holding it together most of the time now.
was there a family predisposition toward bipolar? i doubt it, yet here it is. should he never have kids because of that? no. he just needs to be aware.
hrisme is absolutely right--which hurts worse--what might or might not be at some point or being childless? if we worried all of the time about what could happen, we would become immobilized! my youngest son and daughter have a parent who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. there are quite a bit of drug and alcohol problems. i chose not to worry about it, just love my kids.
i would worry more about the issues the child currently has--like RAD or interesting history. then i'd educate myself. then i'd choose based on what i believed i could handle.
and yeah, i chose to adopt even with the history and the RAD and the potential for things to go kablooey.
or the potential for things to be wonderful.
there are no guarantees in this. there is only hope. and love.
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We finalize this month and are aware our kids have a family history of schizophrenia. Like some others have said, you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to think about every little thing that could happen.
We know the age this could hit & have educated ourselves on what to look out for & we just love our babies the same as we would if we had birthed them.
You just have to decide what your limits are & if you can handle whatever could come up.
Our girls have a family history of bi-polar disorder and one of the family members hoped to discourage us with this information. The truth is that, raised in a different environment, there is a good chance the girls may never show signs of being bi-polar themselves.
However, we know what to look for and watch out for. We know that there are treatments to help. We know they need us right now. Any child could develop something at a later date.
The two boys I adopted with NO history known of mental illness...so who knows..but they are amazing:fish:
Same as for a baby to whom you give birth. Becoming a parent is a crap shoot. You don't know what you will get, but you love them.
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The good news is that a lot of bipolar adults are exceedingly intelligent and creative. They may be a bit of a pain sometimes, with grandiose ideas and excessive enthusiasm in the manic phase, and a bit of over over-the-top anger and sadness in the depressed phase, but with medication and therapy, things can even out enough to let them become highly productive.
I had the privilege of working with a bipolar man who graduated from one of the best business schools in the U.S., was a marketing genius, and helped to revolutionize the way his chosen industry did business. Yes, I once watched him give an absolutely loopy performance that, though designed to encourage some very senior businesspeople to support one of his projects, wound up making them exchange looks like, "What the H*** is he smoking?" And, yes, I was once a victim of one of his tirades about what terrible work project staff were doing, and wound up bursting into tears when I left his office and headed across town to mine -- and I'm not easily reduced to tears. But when I learned from a colleague about his disorder, it all made sense, and I developed an enormous respect for how well he functioned on a day to day basis. He was married, though he had some affairs. He had close male friends, who were very senior in their lines of work and a lot more conventional. He had a brilliant mind and strong leadership skills that he put to good use. He's dead now, from cancer, but he left a big footprint in his community and industry.
I imagine that people parenting a bipolar teen won't always have it easy. In the manic phase, many indulge in risky behaviors, like having a lot of casual sexual encounters or participating in extreme sports/recreational activities or trying to convince their friends to participate in a get-rich-quick scheme. In their depressive phase, many turn to drugs or alcohol to self-medicate, actually making themselves feel worse, and suicide attempts may occur. But if parents know what to look for and get the teen linked up with excellent psychiatric resources, he or she may well turn out to be quite a superstar in his/her chosen field. Eccentric? Certainly. Annoying? Certainly. But often very sensitive, very caring, and very capable of managing real world challenges.
Sharon
My birth parents both were diagnosed with schizophrenia. Both also used heroin. There's not one person, including the multitude of doctors they both saw, what was the cause of the mental illness, and what was the effect. I've ended up diagnosed with bipolar & OCD, both of which have strong hereditary origins. I've also been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and specific phobias which are probably more environmental. Then there's the insecure attachment patterns, which are glaringly situational.
Nobody gave my parents a money back guarantee. In fact, nobody even bothered to tell my parents there was a family history of mental illness. I am guessing it wouldn't have changed their mind about the placement (I'd say 98% sure!) but I like to think it may have made some difference in my ability to receive treatment early on. As of yet there is no genetic test, CAT scan, or other physical way of telling if an individual has bipolar disorder or the predisposition toward it. There is simply a checklist of behaviors that they change every 20 years or so (DSM-V is coming out soon, and the diagnostic criteria is strikingly different than the DSM-IV).
What it ultimately comes down to is risk. Is the risk of not being a parent greater than the risk of having a child with a mental illness (or some other form of disability)? Because that's basically what it comes down to. The risks are higher with adoption--despite the fact that I will probably get flamed--it's my personal opinion supported heavily by anecdotal observations that many parents who make an adoption plan do so because of life challenges triggered by a mental illness. But risks with giving birth are there as well--two of my (adopted) cousins, both on different sides of the family and thus not at all related biologically, had children with spina bifida. Neither knew there was a family history, though spina bifida also has a genetic link.
You can worry about it, stress about it, hopefully you will educate yourself about it--but when it comes down to it, if it happens you will deal with it, in one way or another.
And to second the comment on joking about it--what's up with that anyway? Most people wouldn't think of joking about a visible handicap and yet even my family members who know I have bipolar disorder joke about it and expect me to think it's funny. Yet another wonderful aspect about having an invisible illness.
I'm on a soap box (actually still in recovery after a manic episode)...excuse the possibility that aspects of this thread make little to no sense.
Thanks so much for sharing. I am at the point in my approx 3 year adoption journey. The adoption agency is pressuring me which makes me very uncomfortable. This is my life. My future. Our future. I am not a savior. I have to be 100% comfortable with the decision at the end of the day.
Last update on August 19, 6:35 pm by AdoptionForumGGirl AdoptionForumGGirl.