25 Year Old Single Male Considering Adoption

Hi. So I came to this forum seeking advice from people experienced in this area because I'm not the "normal" case. I am a 25 year single male that is looking to adopt in California. I have dated in the past and I am still open to dating but I have always dreamed of adopting a child when I was old and stable enough to do so. I have traveled the world already and lived my young life, so I am ready for the next phase in my life. I am wanting to adopt a younger child from social services/ the foster system(Doesn't need to be an infant, could be up to/around 2 years old). I make a good living and am an educated young man. I graduated from a prestigious university with my Bachelor's of Science in Biomedical Engineering. My questions are as follows... 1. As a 25 year old male, will I be put at the bottom of the list to adopt and will they frown upon adopting a girl instead of a boy? I am not set on either male or female as I just want a healthy child. By healthy, I basically mean happy- I don't care about gender, race, orientation or anything else for that matter. I am actually open to adopting a special needs child as well. My company offers amazing medical benefits, but being that I would be a single working parent, depending on the special need, I am not sure I could give the full time care some advanced "disabilities" may require. I have actually spoken with my managers to even consider working from home should the case present itself but that is besides the point. 2. For this kind of adoption, what are the income guidelines? I know there isn't an income requirement, but what is recommended monthly NET income for a family of two (Me and the child)? For this, I'm asking for your advice on how much money I should have left over after paying my bills each month? I ask this not only because of the application, but I want to ensure that I do have the income to properly raise a child and as I have no children, I don't want to make a guess.. I want people with experience to share their experience. 3. How long does the process usually take from the day I decide to apply until the day I would get my child? 4. And possibly the most important question... Would I be helping or hurting the child? I grew up in a loving home with amazing parents that were married for over 25 years. I would be a single working parent, but I figure a lot of families have mothers and fathers that both work and I have a very standard schedule with no overtime, nights or weekends. I have already "arranged" daytime care, depending on the age of the child. I decided on the foster system because I want a child and I want to help a child get out of the system and have an amazing childhood like I did, but in YOUR HONEST AND HEARTFELT OPINIONS, do you think it would be detrimental as I am not offering a mother as well? This is the question weighing heaviest on my mind and I appreciate any and all respectful opinions. I want to thank anyone who took the time to read this and even more thanks to those who offered their opinions and advice. Have a great day to everyone!

1) Since you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler, you would most likely need to foster first. When children come into care, their parents are almost always given a plan that they need to work for reunification to happen. If parents are unable or unwilling to work their plan, those children are generally adopted by either relatives or the foster parents. Most foster parents do want to adopt the very young children they are fostering, so it is rare that an infant or toddler (especially one without severe special needs) becomes available for straight adoption. You would not necessarily be put on the end of the list because you are a single man, but straight adoption from foster care of a very young child is rare.2) Financial needs vary widely depending on where you live. Does your income now leave you enough money for childcare plus additional groceries, clothing, medical (increase to your premium as a family vs. single plus copays), increased utilities, and any activities you would want to do with the child (things like swim lessons, trips to the Children's museum, or anything else you would want to do). If not, think about how you spend your money now and if there are ways to change that. During the time you are fostering the state does pay a stipend to cover the child's expenses (in some states this actually does cover expenses, in others nowhere close). 3)This varies widely, both in private adoption and in foster care. With foster to adopt, once you have a child in your home it can take 12-18 months or more before either the child reunifies with family or parental rights are terminated. 4) I'm a single mom, so obviously I think that is okay to do. There are things you need to think about differently as a single parent than you would as part of a couple. One is providing those close adult female relationships/ role models. I have my son's grandfather not too far away, as well as male friends (other male family are a bit farther away). I also chose a home-based daycare that is run by a husband/ wife couple. There is also the issue of there being only one of you. It takes more than it does as part of a couple. The first time I got sick my son was 18 months old - it was early in the season and I hadn't had my flu shot yet, and I got the flu. I dragged a mattress into the living room and we watched tv and he climbed all over me for a day and a half until I finally thought to ask someone for help (I did learn from that experience). I've needed to have friends pick him up at daycare a few times because of emergencies at work that didn't allow me to be there on time. It's also hard to figure out time to yourself. My coupled friends get a babysitter and go out with their spouse/ partner. I not only need to figure out childcare, but who to do something with as well. You can easily get isolated from people as a single parent. I'm not amazing at it, but I work really hard to try to have some time to be a person as well as a parent, both because I need it and because it makes me a better parent. You need a really good, supportive community as a single parent. I'm lucky that my folks are about an hour and a half away - even though they can't be the evening babysitter or pick him up if I'm running late, they have a lot of time (and occasional overnights) with him, giving me space and time as well as giving him more support. I also have a wonderful and supportive faith community, which gives me an outlet and him additional people who love him. I would suggest taking at least as good a look at your support system as you are at your finances, to make sure that you will be emotionally and logistically able to care for a child. There will always be people who will say that single parenting is wrong and harms kids, but the studies really don't bear that out. Single parents are stretched more thin, and single parents without good community support do have more difficulty (as do their kids), but it is not single parenting on it's own that causes that problem.

1) Since you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler, you would most likely need to foster first. When children come into care, their parents are almost always given a plan that they need to work for reunification to happen. If parents are unable or unwilling to work their plan, those children are generally adopted by either relatives or the foster parents. Most foster parents do want to adopt the very young children they are fostering, so it is rare that an infant or toddler (especially one without severe special needs) becomes available for straight adoption. You would not necessarily be put on the end of the list because you are a single man, but straight adoption from foster care of a very young child is rare. 2) Financial needs vary widely depending on where you live. Does your income now leave you enough money for childcare plus additional groceries, clothing, medical (increase to your premium as a family vs. single plus copays), increased utilities, and any activities you would want to do with the child (things like swim lessons, trips to the Children's museum, or anything else you would want to do). If not, think about how you spend your money now and if there are ways to change that. During the time you are fostering the state does pay a stipend to cover the child's expenses (in some states this actually does cover expenses, in others nowhere close). 3)This varies widely, both in private adoption and in foster care. With foster to adopt, once you have a child in your home it can take 12-18 months or more before either the child reunifies with family or parental rights are terminated. 4) I'm a single mom, so obviously I think that is okay to do. There are things you need to think about differently as a single parent than you would as part of a couple. One is providing those close adult female relationships/ role models. I have my son's grandfather not too far away, as well as male friends (other male family are a bit farther away). I also chose a home-based daycare that is run by a husband/ wife couple. There is also the issue of there being only one of you. It takes more than it does as part of a couple. The first time I got sick my son was 18 months old - it was early in the season and I hadn't had my flu shot yet, and I got the flu. I dragged a mattress into the living room and we watched tv and he climbed all over me for a day and a half until I finally thought to ask someone for help (I did learn from that experience). I've needed to have friends pick him up at daycare a few times because of emergencies at work that didn't allow me to be there on time. It's also hard to figure out time to yourself. My coupled friends get a babysitter and go out with their spouse/ partner. I not only need to figure out childcare, but who to do something with as well. You can easily get isolated from people as a single parent. I'm not amazing at it, but I work really hard to try to have some time to be a person as well as a parent, both because I need it and because it makes me a better parent. You need a really good, supportive community as a single parent. I'm lucky that my folks are about an hour and a half away - even though they can't be the evening babysitter or pick him up if I'm running late, they have a lot of time (and occasional overnights) with him, giving me space and time as well as giving him more support. I also have a wonderful and supportive faith community, which gives me an outlet and him additional people who love him. I would suggest taking at least as good a look at your support system as you are at your finances, to make sure that you will be emotionally and logistically able to care for a child. There will always be people who will say that single parenting is wrong and harms kids, but the studies really don't bear that out. Single parents are stretched more thin, and single parents without good community support do have more difficulty (as do their kids), but it is not single parenting on it's own that causes that problem.

If you go through State of California Social Services most Children are very traumatized!! How are you actually defining happy? Are you actually thinking that you would participate in the Child's Therapy Sessions or leave this to your Day Care Person? Is the Day Care Person emotionally and physically equipped to handle this? I also hear you say 'your child' ? Most young children in California. The ultimate plan is reunification with the Birth Family. I agree with the previous Poster to Foster first, but Foster is no guarantee with Adoption or placement long term?? You will need a Home Study, and most placements I have seen are 20 minutes or days from when the Home Study is officially completed!! Sacramento, Bay Areas, and Placer Counties in California expectation is a Wage Income of $3,000 or above monthly. With Fostering there is also State Medicaid, and a pretty good cost of living stipend!! If you are not offering a ' Mom.' Do you have other Female 'Role Models' in your Life now? Are your Parents still able to be Grandparents, or do you have other people who could Substitute?? How supportive really is your Employer?? Both Fostering and Adoption are components of how you present your Family!! Good Luck Juli

I adopted my son from Guatemala as a "Single male" into '04. Then my daughter from Guatemala in '05 again as a "single male." -although I do not advocate withholding information are orphanage was fully aware. -I can tell you that it is incredibly difficult as a single mail to adopt internationally although I have heard South Africa has recently reopened. Feel free to PM me