Changing Birthdate of Older Child

Good question - one I don't have an answer to. There are a lot of things about my adoption that don't really make a whole lot of sense. The fact that there is a man listed on my b-certificate who claims he never signed anything...he isn't my bfather, he happened to be married to my bmom at the time of my birth (but she denies this, she claims she wasn't married). She claims to have named another man, who I have talked to and who claims to have participated in my adoption, but there is no mention of him anywhere (he is also not my birthfather, she lied to protect my birthfather, who was married and doesn't know about me (still doesn't know about me.))Its possible it was a typo at some point in the process - my adoption wasn't final until I was almost five, due to my aparents indecision about moving forward (long story) :rolleyes:My amom claims I went home at "3 days old"...but she doesn't remember the exact date. My bmom doesn't remember my date of birth and the attorney has been less than helpful :)So, I do have two birthdays indicated in my adoption paperwork - when I requested my OBC from the state of Texas, I was denied for not providing the correct info - so I re-requested with the other birthdate and it was issued. My OBC has a birthday seven days earlier than the bday I celebrate. No one in my family (birth or adopted) claims to know anything about it.

We were asked this question, and when I asked my translator why in the world we'd want to do this, she explained: Many times the birthdate listed isn't accurate, especially if the child was abandoned, so they figure since the orphanage doctor just picked a random date, that one date is as good as another. Also, if the date listed has some significance to us (such as a bad connotation or a child already in the family with that birthdate), a few days before or after, or even as much as a month, was acceptable. This was for a toddler. However, it was never mentioned as being used as a of keeping the bio parents from finding them, as the parent names are changed to ours on the birth certificate and the records are closed. It was also never mentioned as a way to disguise any delays the child may have. As someone else said, why would you want to do this when that could impact you ability to get help for your child? I personally would not do this, no matter what the date, but it was asked. Not in court, but before court for the paperwork we had to fill out. Especially for an older child who already knows his/her birthdate. Why make the transition even more difficult by taking something uniquely theirs away?

Here's a thought..... after reading everyone's postings, and thinking about this.... Maybe it truly depends on Region, and the "Known" history of the child/ren! Maybe I wasn't asked (for me, thank goodness, since I have a strong opinion on this :evilgrin: ), that since my DD was 8.3 years old (at court date), and that she did NOT enter into the system until she was 3.3 years old, and I actually have original BC, etc. for her, that there was NO question. Also, being in Moscow, and them being pretty strict, blah, blah, blah....

I have soooo much paper work on DD, including her BMom's Death Cert, etc. (which is sooo sad to read.... died at the age of 33 :( ).

I am just trying to understand, and since alot of posters have younger children, that maybe their history was somewhat in question....

Blessings...................... :wings:

All I can say is wow Brandy!

wow, i cant believe this is an option, how sad for these kids who have lost so much already, then maybe one day finding out that the bday they celebrate isnt really the day they were born. brandy stated, "which one, my real one or my fake one" i think that speaks volumes. i think there should be laws in place for this not to happen. i actually got so angry reading this thread that people actually change their childrens bdays.....my God, havnt these children lost so much already, and what if they wanted to search for their bparents, and didnt know their real bday. i cant think of one good reason why this is a good idea, but a million of ones why it shouldnt be done. I also agree with doreen about the special needs issue. its like 'Why dont we make our 10 yr old son, 2 yrs old, because he still has bad toilet issues. :grr: :grr: i dont know, this thread just struck a chord with me.

Just speaking from discussions I've had with parents who adopted from Russia and Ukraine... I can see a valid reason for changing a birth year if you suspect that the doctors in that country or the orphanage changed it in the first place to make an older child "more appealing" in their minds by making the child younger. Or if they simply didn't know and had to guess the year....then once home with the child, the US doctors think the age isn't correct. Plus, I've heard of situations where a parent is home with their child and are able to piece together more information from the files and the child where they do discover the age isn't correct. Changing just because..no, I don't agree with it. But to try and fix a situation so it's more accurate etc., I can see why some people desire to do this.

It is common to change the birthdates of older adopted children who come from countries where birthdays are not kept track of and paperwork is near non-esistant. In places like Haiti and many African countries, births are connected with seasons and are not celebrated on a yearly basis. I've witnessed this myself when working in East African villages. When asking people the year of their birth, they look at you like you have two heads! In their mind, why would it matter? It's not something culturally or realistically important to them. Often in these countries paperwork has to be created to complete the adoption process because none exists. In this case, the legal system of the country assigns the child a probable birthdate which may be years off of the mark. When children arrive home, if the adoptive parents feel that there might be a discrepancy in the age provided for their child, they can do bone density tests (which are not altogether accurate if the child has suffered malnutrition because it alters bone growth) and look at the child's teeth to get a better estimate of what a more realistic age might be. I have heard of changing ages in adoptions from countries with these types of situations but not ever in a situation in which an accurate birthdate is given. That feels strange to me. My three Korean siblings (now in their thirties) had their birthdates changed several times because they just didn't make sense at all (they were way too close together to be born from the same woman!) so the birthdates that were settled on are probably just good estimates. I think from their perspective, if they could know their actual birthdate, that is what they would want it to be.

Ok while I don't see any reason legitimate (for me) to change the birthday, I can also see a few points here and at the same time came up with some other questions for others to ponder. In no ways am I trying to start an argument, I was just reading the thread and these questions popped in my head.1. If the kid is abandoned, the birthday given probably isn't even the birthday of the child in the first place. Would it really hurt the child to change a fake date to yet another fake date? 2. I totally see how it would be harder to do this for an older child....IF that child is aware of his/her current birthday whether the TRUE birthday or one that the MOE (or whoever) made up when the child was abandoned. Do they celebrate kids b-days in the orphanages? If they are born into the system, do they even know their b-day?3. For those who question "haven't they lost enough already", what is the differnece in changing a birthday from changing the child's name or putting your names as birthparents on their birth cert? Forgive me for being confused by this rationale, but if you say you shouldn't be allowed to change the birthday, then how should you be allowed to change ANYTHING in their record?4. I really like the post, I believe by Doreen, that mentioned you could actually do more harm than good by changing the date and bump your child out of much needed services. Made me think, well then can you make your child OLDER in order to help you qualify for those services? Does anyone know if you can work the system this way?

We were never asked but I would NEVER change my child's birthdate for any reason. Just seems so deceiving. May I ask why you are interested in changing the date ? I would hate to grow up and learn my birthdate wasn't really my birthdate. That would stink .

There is only one GOOD reason to change the birthdate of an adopted child -- and that is a finding that the child is actually NOT the age that is on his/her paperwork, but is significantly older or younger. This can happen for several reasons. The main one is that the child was abandoned at an age other than close to birth, and that the orphanage doctor and staff made a poor estimate of the child's age. If a child is abandoned close to birth, it is easy to determine the birthdate, within a day or two, because of the condition of the umbilicus. However, if a child is abandoned at an older age -- but unaware of his/her own birthdate -- the estimate can be way off. There have been instances where a child was thought to be six, for example, when he/she was actually closer to four, or vice versa. Another situation that sometimes occurs, alas, is that orphanage staff knowingly misrepresent a child's age, mainly to make him/her more adoptable. There have been cases in which an orphanage has told families that a child was under age three when, in fact, the staff knew full well that he/she was closer to age six. The families may have believed the younger age initially, because the child was small and delayed. However, once the child seemed to be on track, it became clear to all that he/she was older. Finally, there are sometimes discrepancies between the birthdate in a child's adoption paperwork and the actual birthdate, simply because of a foul-up somewhere, possibly in the courts. These sorts of discrepancies are generally pretty minor -- for example, a child may have been born on March 10 instead of May 10. It IS possible to change your child's date of birth when you bring him/her to the U.S. It CAN be done, usually during readoption. The process involves your state court system. The judge will want to know why you want to change the birthdate, and will ask for proof that the birthdate on the paperwork is wrong. The judge can rule that the child should have a new birthdate, and that documents such as his/her state certificate of foreign birth should be reissued to reflect the changed age. If you find that your child's birthdate is off by a matter of a few days, weeks, or months, I would strongly suggest that you not make the change, and most judges will agree with me. They will NOT allow a birthdate change without a compelling reason -- and they definitely won't allow it if they think that you mainly want a date that will allow him/her to enter kindergarten early (or late). The birthdate on your child's paperwork is one of the few things he/she brings from his/her foreign country, so why not let it stand, if it isn't too far off the mark? It really doesn't matter whether you celebrate a child's second birthday in March or May. A birthday party is a birthday party. The child won't really care, even when he/she gets older. I would also strongly suggest that you NOT change a child's birthdate, without compelling evidence of paperwork problems, within the first year that he/she is home. The reason is simple. It is extremely difficult to distinguish between behaviors that occur because of institutionalization, and behaviors that occur because a child is not really the age you think he/she is. If you bring home a child billed as two years old, and he/she can't walk, can't sit up unaided, does not say any words except "Mama", demands a bottle, and hasn't a clue about the potty, it may be tempting for you to guess that he/she is really only one year old, especially if he/she is still in that state after a month at home. HOWEVER, be aware that it takes many kids six months to a year to show their true colors. It will take time for your child to start growing, start showing benefits from your nurturing and any Early Intervention you do, etc. Many children also regress from the stress of adoption, wanting to be fed, refusing to use the potty, etc. It is VERY difficult to make a fair judgment about age until the child has been home anywhere from six months to a year. If you decide too early that the child is really age one, you could be forced to go BACK to court when it becomes clear after a year that his/her paperwork was really pretty accurate. And you aren't going to find a very sympathetic judge. Be aware, too, that bone studies and tooth studies are NOT very reliable in ANY population, and especially in populations of children who have been institutionalized. In other words, even some kids who've been raised in loving families may not show teeth for months after other children have them. And a child whose birthmother had poor nutrition prenatally, and who didn't get much milk or formula in the orphanage, may look like a younger child on x-ray. Even if you adopt a six year old girl, and she soon begins to show breast development, you should not assume that she is actually ten. There is a phenomenon called precocious puberty that has been shown to be more prevalent in internationally adopted kids than in the population at large. Basically, some internationally adopted children WILL begin to show very early onset of puberty signs, ranging from pubic and underarm hair to the onset of menses. One theory that doctors are considering is that the rapid "catchup" that many adopted children do once they arrive home somehow upsets the body's usual growth triggrs. In short, be very cautious about changing a child's birthdate. Nine times out of ten, you shouldn't do it. It is reasonable to do it ONLY if it becomes extremely clear, after about a year, that the child's paperwork is totally off-base by a considerable amount. If you really think you are dealing with a child who is significantly older or younger than his/her stated birthdate, have him/her evaluated by an adoption medicine specialist and, if necessary, adoption-sensitive specialists in areas ranging from endocrinology to developmental psychology. Get as many inputs as possible before making the change. Sharon

Great points, Sharon. For those who are concerned about the child being confused about their birthdate... If they are old enough to remember what their true birthdate is, then it should never be changed. I agree with this. However, in Russia, at least in the younger orphanages, birthdays are not celebrated. It's not a special occasion everywhere like it is in the U.S. We were there on our daughter's birthday, and they did not celebrate. Nor were we allowed to bring anything to celebrate with when we visited her. The only reason, in my mind, to change the birthdate is if you find out the child is truly older or younger than the birthdate listed. As I said earlier in this thread, often the date given isn't at all accurate, as the child was abandoned and the Dr. just "assigned" an approximate date. Sometimes it can be significantly off, and you could find out once you get the child home that they are 6-12 months younger or older than the estimate. This wouldn't happen. There are restrictions in place as to what you can do. You can't just say "oh, I have a toddler and I wanted an infant, so I'm going to change the date". It really is not common for this to be done, and I don't necessarily agree with the practice, but if there is a strong enough reason to justify it (my 4 year old is actually 6) then it's probably a good idea. In that situation it could assist in getting treatment for any delays.Brandy's case is an odd one. Nobody can remember the actual birthdate? C'mon... That was most likely a ploy to make finding birth parents even harder. As for our DD finding her b'parents, we were given information on them after our court hearing. She needn't search for anything, because we'll give it to her if she so desires.

I had an open adoption...I didn't need to find anyone...I always knew where they were....

Special Needs children enter the school system at age 3 (in the US, mostly), and then depending on severity. If severe enough to warrant an IEP, that is. Anyway, before age 3, it may be very hard to tell if you child's special needs are that severe. My child was dx'ed with an autism spectrum disorder at 23 months. I could not get a full-blown diagnosis of autism until she was 3, develoopmental peds (at least in 2 states I tried) refuse to attach that label until then. Which is really a useless point anyway, because children with special needs receive services up to age 3 through state-programs such as "family/infant/toddler" (FIT). FIT will not duplicate services given by school, and vice versa, that's double dipping. So really, changing the birthdate to show your child as older than they are really doesn't enhance services. FIT typically incorporates a "family-first" paradigm, where the school system is solely educational goals and who cares about the rest of the family. Services start as soon as you get a dx, so making the child older to get them into school is only bringing the headache (and usually lessens services) on earlier. Currently I'm in a pilot program put on by South Eastern Univ (I think out of FL?) to start a new accrediation program for advocates of children with special needs. I'm so lucky to be a part of this class...but I can tell you, the laws are NOT written to protect or help the children. They are written to protect the schools.

Hi Pequele.... Interesting questions.....

#1.... This is true..... I have hospital records of birth, etc. and she was not removed from the Parental home until she was 3.3 years old. For the children that where abandoned, etc. I agree...... Maybe the Month and Day, but not the Year unless that is a TOTAL unknown.

#2.... My DD came home at the age of 8.3 years old. She knew when her birthday was (month and day), and the way her orphanage celebrated, was with a piece of candy to the birthday child. She was blown away with her first American Birthday Party!! I would never change her birthdate... which is MY PERSONAL feeling. One of the Court Documents read in Court had her birthday listed a month earlier (September 18th), and I had to ask the translator during court, for the Judge to review her birthcert, and other documents, as they where stating it to be October 18th. I was affraid that if one of the documents did not match, it would hold us up from processing out of the country, etc.

I just had Bone-age (growth plates) X-rays done due to slow growth, and her plates are only showing a few months different, which is right, due to a pending growth spurt coming. We are still heading to the Endocrinologist on Friday. I only bring this up, as I have read other threads about parents having x-rays done to see the actual age, etc. of the children. If there is a HUGE difference, backed by medical findings, I would then change the birthyear, but keep the Month and day.

Sorry, getting off track alittle....

#3.... I sorta see your point about changing names... The way I look at this is, I've been there, done that! My Mom and BDad divorced when I was 2.5 y/o. She remarried when I was almost 12 y/o. This man wanted to give us his name, and become our (my sister and I) father. Being our ages (12 and 14), we had to consent. We did, and our Middle and Last names changed. This, at this age, everyone had to know why, blah, blah, blah. To this day, 32 years later..... He is MY ONLY DAD!!! I know my BFather, but at 12 years old..... I found my DAD!!! My DD being older, knows her russian last name (as I choose to keep her Russian first name - actually the pet name). This may be different for adopting a baby/toddler, etc. As I cannot speak to that.

#4.... Qualifying for services..... Even with an older child, I had to FIGHT the School for almost entire School year to get my DD services. She is NOT age/grade appropriate (older), and their solution was to "Just have her repeat 2nd grade".... They where NUTS and I told them that. I was persistant, and they finally learned that..... I DO NOT GO AWAY.... This year, she is in 3rd grade, and getting the services that she needed, and she is excelling NOW!!! I believe that each State Education Law/Plan may differ, and that you need to find out the laws/rights of the child. I went in with reciting statutes, paragraphs, etc.

Just like you Pequele... I am not debating, but giving my thoughts (whether they they are right or wrong).

Blessings.................... :wings:

I was Adopted when I was 5, my parents changed my birthday by pushing it back 6 months which is a big difference. I am currently 17 and I was wondering if there was anyway I could change my birthday back to the real date