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I am struggling with my reunion...even though it's going well.
I found my mum a year ago, she lives in clevekand Ohio, and has 2 boys aged 8 and 10.... My half brothers. They love me to pieces and I love them:)
My mum welcomed me....she paid for me to fly over to visit twice from uk....and I stayed with them the entire summer last year. She even bought me a car so that I could drive to her from Canada when I moved there. At the end of the summer, her husband said he wanted a divorce...not because of me, he seems to like me alot....apparently it was on the cards for a while. thats when it went weird.
I'm hoping its just me being crazy....but she doesn't seem as excited now as she was. We said I would visit from Canada every weekend, but it's more like once a month. I have a week off in march, and thought I would visit 2 weekends with the week in the middle, but she said just from sun to fri, because she's busy the first weekend, and the second is the weekend before we go to France together so her husband deserves quality time with them...even though they are getting divorced...and he sees them way more than I do?? That doesn't make sense to me!
We are starting to argue....I'm having serious trouble believe she loves me. Why wouldn't she want me around all the time? I'm her child...I want to be with her all the time, I ache when she's not there. Why doesn't she feel,like that? Or is it normal, and I'm just being a bit crazy ? She's booked tickets to come up to Toronto to see the lion king....and she has offered to pay for me to attend college I cleveland this year...which is unbelievable!!! So why am I struggling so much? She never says she misses me, doesn't text me much, doesn't hug me and seem proud like she did at first.....but she's making these big gestures....iv asked her if she could send me a message saying she loves me every now and then just to help me a little, but she won't. That's a small thing to do....I don't understand where she's coming from.
I think our situation is better than most people's, so why am I feeling so crazy and unloved???
She also invited me to live with her while I was at school for 4 years and said I could be my brothers nanny....but then she changed her mind....that hurt more than I can Explain.
Please help :(
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Although my story is not the same as yours, I too feel like I love my birth mother more then she will ever love me. I struggle with it everyday. But I can't control how she feels. I only have control over my own emotions. I think that is the key. My advice would be to talk to someone. See if you can find a counselor who specializes in adoption and can help you work out these feelings. Or maybe join an adoptee support group. I'm thinking of trying that. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your situation. I know it's tough, believe me. But these are natural feelings and worries that come with being adopted. It sucks but just remember that your not alone.
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Mixed messages are hard to swallow. I think the first year is a roller coaster. I would be honest and tell her that you are feeling a little confused when the opportunity presents itself face to face. It sounds as though she wants to help you in any way she can. That's a positive thing. It also sounds as though she has a lot on her plate with her pending divorce; that of course would be factor.