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My son just turned 2. He has recently (last 3 months) started being very violent around younger children only when I am present. He goes to daycare and is quiet and withdrawn and doesn't play with the other kids..just watches them. I'm not that concerned about that because he's very verbal and outgoing at home and with people he knows. But when I get there to pick him up he will go over to a baby or a younger child and haul off and whack them if he's not stopped in time.
We had to leave the quiet room in the church at christmas because he was going up to every other child in the room and hitting them. I was MORTIFIED. He has a younger cousin that he chases after screaming BABY and will grab, poke or pull at him.
We have consistently told him NO HITTING, BE NICE TO THE BABY, TOUCH THE BABY SOFTLY, TELL THEM YOU ARE SORRY...etc etc. When he sees a baby in the store now he'll look at me and say "sorry". I ask for what and he says "baby".
I'm at my wits end. He is such a loving, gentle kid in every other aspect. I have NO idea what I've done to make him be like this, or what is going on in his little head.
Can anyone help me?????
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It seems I've read several pleas for help like this in magazines recently! I know you're not alone. Sometimes it's biting, other times, hitting. One thing all replies seem to echo is giving the "victim" a lot of attention after this happens. Really showing attention to the child who was hit, and then any time you catch your child NOT hitting someone, but playing nicely, REALLY giving some positive reinforcement and attention to him for being a good boy. But how frustrating! I wish I had some great advice that has worked for me, but I think I'm slightly behind you in that stage! I'm sure others will chime in here soon with help! For the record, when I see a child doing something like this, I do not assume he has bad parenting role models. Unless I see the parent ignoring or encouraging this type of behavior, I really do assume it's just a stage the child is going through (much to the dismay of the parent!)
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There's an article about biting in the March issue of Parents----Stork has pretty much hit the high points of the article in her post (including the one about it being a stage they grow out of!) My guess is the same things would be true for hitting. LoveAjax, try the Foster Cline Parenting w/ Love & Logic books---there's a website, and Cline and his colleague have several books about discipline for different stages.
I have a 6 year old with ADHD. He doesn't hit others (except his brother/sister) but I wanted to comment on your post. My son is PERFECT in school has never "moved his card", is so well behaved at play dates that he is always asked to come back, has wonderful manners. But when he comes back into our home after a play date or morning Kindergarten, all the pent up frustration he has been internalizing and holding in (because he knows he has to), comes out at me. Your little guy may be controlling himself in daycare but when he sees you, he knows how much you love him and always will so he feels at ease, at that point, to "let it all out". Just an opinion. Hope it helps you not to feel guilty. And for those who look at our kids and make stupid assumptions about why they act that way . . . just WAIT. Your time is coming too. Hope no one assumes things about their lives. It's not a good feeling!!
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I just thought I'd echo what some others have posted here. It must be a 2-ish year old phase that some kids go through. DS does the same thing and he's approaching 2 yo. Of course, it's not a reflection on you or your parenting skills. Like throwing things, biting, and temper tantrums, it's probably just a phase. They probably act up because they still have limited verbal skills, and they are tired, frustrated toddlers. (It's not easy being this age!) I do try to teach DS better ways to express himself, when possible. If he shoves or hits another child, I tell him to give the child a hug. When he throws things, I tell him to pick the object up and set it down nicely (and go with him to make sure he does just that). (Sorry, I don't have any advice for biting since I haven't BTDT -- thus far.)