Cau bm hesitant to place with Af/Am fam?

I'm having a little trouble with some of the thoughts expressed her. I wonder how well many whites who adopt transracially are indeed prepared for raising a child whose background is different from their own. I submit that many of those parents are not particularly prepared/educated unless they choose to do a lot of homework about what it means to be a minority (and especially a not well viewed minority) in America. Some, like Tom Cruise who adopted a biracial son, do not recognize the effects of race on the psyche. Tom has given the, "he's not black, he's my son" line many times. Well Tom, he is BOTH. One doesn't take away from the other. However a black couple can easily raise a white/black child without preparation. Why? Because white culture is the dominant culture in our society. There is no need to be educated/inculcated into this culture because it just is. We blacks move back and forth quite regularly between black and white cultures. We have to. With regard to the original poster's question, in our situation, our white birthmother who was pregnant with a biracial child wanted a biracial or black family to raise her child. This was important to her because she understood one of the major tenets of being black in America: race matters.

I have completed a foster care infant adoption and a private infant adoption. From *my* experience there is a difference because it is brought into question whether the AA family would be able to provide for or raise a biracial child of a CC bmom. There seems to be an undercurrent that we are lacking. Im guessing some stereotypes are floating about that we are uneducated and poor or wouldnҒt accept a biracial child. There seems to be an unwritten rule in private adoptions to either steer CC bmom's from placing with AA families or CC bmom's just choosing to not place their biracial child with AA families. Just because a CC mom has a relationship with an AA man doesn't mean she wants an AA family raising her child. It happens Do they want the child to blend in the family or stand out? Are they concerned about their interaction with the aparents in thinking they can relate better to a CC family? A funny quirk with my foster to adopt kids is that their CC mom's have preferred that their kids go to an AA foster home. Why? Because there is zero ramp up speed for us. All the so called "full" AA families that I know are biracial or multiracial and have family members of other races represented. An AA family would already know how to care for hair and skin and are well versed in how to live life as a person of color. A CC family who does not live in a diverse community or doesnŒt have a diverse family would have to go out of their way to learn this. You all have to remember that back in the day all biracial kids who were part black were placed with AA families... placing with CC families is something new and is fueled in part by the lack of available CC infants. My DD is AA/Asian and we acknowledge her heritage and have had no problems incorporating it because we already have Asian relatives. The same thing with a child who is AA/CC... But even if we didnt already have that race represented in our family we would be able to address the child as one minority to another and can offer much in helping them navigate a color conscious world.

I could not agree with this more. I DID have to go out of my way to learn hair and skin care. We were not offered any education from our homestudy provider, our facilitator, our atty.... not from anyone. I learned a lot via forums, websites, support groups, asking friends, strangers, etc. Both of my dd's are biracial and both of their bmoms are CC. I do not know if they looked at full AA families or not. I do have two really good on-line friends who are both AA women married to CC men. Both of their families were chosen by CC bmoms.

"However a black couple can easily raise a white/black child without preparation. Why? Because white culture is the dominant culture in our society. There is no need to be educated/inculcated into this culture because it just is. We blacks move back and forth quite regularly between black and white cultures. We have to.

With regard to the original poster's question, in our situation, our white birthmother who was pregnant with a biracial child wanted a biracial or black family to raise her child. This was important to her because she understood one of the major tenets of being black in America: race matters." Liana, yet again, VERY WELL SPOKEN. It's amazing to me how many of us white folks don't get this!!!! Blacks have had white culture shoved in their faces for centuries. Whites, on the other hand, have a habit of turning their faces away from what they don't know, thinking it doesn't matter to them. Obviously, many of us on this site are multi-cultural families and open to raising children that don't look like them. The realities, of course, are that there are racial issues that we just cannot understand because we haven't lived them. (Even Tom Cruise . . . go figure, haven't figured out still how he knows so much about post partum depression). I feel like I understand racial mores pretty well, yet, with a black husband and black children, I'm still learning every day.

And well said, Joskids. Not to take the topic off the subject too much, but a few of the topics in this aa section has shown a pattern. I am seeing and humbled at what an aa male in the US can go through, via my DH. The man has never smoked or done drugs, never in jail, well spoken, educated, etc; However, the things he went through to make it in the business world, heck even driving in his own car, doing day to day stuff at times. Such topics like this, are important, because for some it is a glimpse in the lives of those whose shoes you have never walked in, or may be from a different perspective. I feel as long as the message is given respectfully, I can learn something new as Casey said. If I were parenting a Guatemalan child, believe me I would be pulling a stool up to listen and learn from as many Guatemalan folks I can talk, and interact with. I surely would not be telling them they are may be mistaken, being sensitive, or militant, it's their experience, not mine.

Josie, I'm a member of your fan club!

I meant to reply to Josie, and Casey's posts.. you all are fabulous folks. :)

Thanks "Liana" and "NickChris". I'm nowhere near "fabulous" but I do have a heart that tries to understand the hearts of others. And I've been blessed beyond measure because of it. Hugs.

Good way to be, its on my list of self improvements. :prop:

Teendoc I LOVED this post! Took the words right out of my mouth!

Our family is mixed enough to raise the occasional eyebrow at the mall. DH is Asian, I am CC and DD is AA. One of the reasons we chose to adopt was that I was adopted. DH was very much in the minority where he grew up. I learn every day from him and my DD what it is like to be a minority. He learns as well, from me, what it is like to be adopted. But DD is African-American, and that's just plain different. Seriously, people can pretend it isn't, but in this society is it. I am often humbled by how much I have to learn. Fortunately, we have lots of folks in our community, and I do mean OUR community (Asian, AA, CC, Catholic, adopted, Republican, computer geeks, something other than thin, etc.) But don't think for one minute I know what it is like to be Black. That we will learn from our daughter.

Thank you! :)

You're right, and judging from the reaction in the thread, I think I failed to articulate my point correctly. In my experience (with my agency, and the few other sources I examined), transracial adoption education was geared towards whites adopting from other cultures, so I was operating under the assumption that whites adopting transracially have received at least some "training". When I was faced with situation of adoption a mixed race child, it hit me that this would be a transracial adoption, and that I might want to kick into gear to learn something about Filipino culture, as well as AA/Filipino culture. I didn't feel that there was a formal method for me to accomplish this. . . I just had to figure it out on my own. I assumed that the transracial training offered to white parents was fairly extensive. Of course, I could have been wrong. Also in my experience, folks who are black, black/white, black/Asian, black/latino, etc. are generally considered black by the outside world. Black parents of biracial children have the option of resting on their laurels more so than white parents, because the difference may not be as stark. I'm not saying that black parents WILL, just that there is more of a choice (right or wrong). Because of this, I thought there may be a fear by some expectant moms that the non-black side of their child could be ignored or at least not honored equally with the black side. I believe this would do a disservice to the child, whom I feel should be able to celebrate each of his or her different backgrounds, as well as the blending of the backgrounds in him or her. The point of my original post was that these were all things I thought about at the time that situation presented itself (and later, an infant who was latina and white), and that I was surprised that none of them had really occurred to me before.

Well, maybe you failed to articulate it, and maybe I just misread it. You never know when you're not looking at the person. Sorry. :3d:

I still think for most, there is more than the fear of the child's white side being overlooked. If there was a major concern then the biomother(parents) desires should indicate more than (or it should be brought to her/their attention) white. White is a general term, if the case would be cultural; it should indicate: Scottish, German with a bit of French. Now who is counting their privilege of just being? Still why a cc couple over a full AA couple? Resting on their laurels? so now it is a privilege to be black person in society in general, it is just a as broad a statement. Blacks cannot be well learned, knowing other cultures, languages? all of us are just incapable. How many black persons are without other races in their DNA? AA's have been handling racial intermingling way before most others in this society would even acknowledge it. Excuses, excuses.I do not buy that, folks just think that a lot of AA parents will be ignorant in the raising of their child, and in general.