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My husband and I have begun our home study process. So far so good. Then our worker asked me 'why do you want to be a mom?' I was stumped. Completely stumped. How do you articulate what is in your bones? Isn't this the question that should be asked at the initial prenatal visit or perhaps even in high school health? What's your answer?
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Hmm I would start off my thoughts, with that sentence on a blank piece of paper, or word sheet. Your sentence: How do you articulate what is in your bones?What brought you to the arena of adoption? add facts, and what is in your "bones" For me wanting and being a mother is wrapped up, and a part of every fiber of my being.
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My answer would be.... Uhhhhh.... Ummmm...
Exactly. It is hard to articulate. I just DO! I wanted it with every fiber of my being! Every breath I took. it was deep in my soul and I felt incomplete until my daughter was placed in my arms. Then, magically, all the years of pain, waiting, disappointment, miscarriages, fertility crap, adoption emotional roller coaster rides - everything... it just disappeared and I was complete.
We got the wierd question of (among questions like yours) "What makes you think you can be loved by an adopted child?" Again. Uhhh.... Ummm.... Well, why the heck not? I'll be their mommy. Of course they'll love me? What kind of question is that?
Where do they get these questions, anyway?
I remember my dh being a smart aleck on this question...he put "I want to go see kid's movies at the theatre without looking like a fool." Needless to say I made him start over. LOL but after 15 pages of paper to fill out, it did make me giggle. Hard question...what are you supposed to say?
My husband wrote that he had a huge lego collection and needed a buddy to help him build a great big fort. Plus, his wife didn't appreciate his corny jokes as much as his kids would. He didn't edit it out, (although he did write more), and the caseworker thought it was funny. She said it (among other answers he gave), helped her get to know him better. He's right, though - I don't get his corny jokes! :)
I've been thinking a lot about this question since our meeting. At the interview I was completely stumped and uttered some pretty benign answer. Then I promptly started freaking out about giving a wrong answer.:arrow: This process is so strange. I've always wanted to be a mama. I've also been very afraid at the prospect. Parenting is big time grown up stuff. Then I think about all the teenage mothers and women without any support who parent everyday. I wonder if given a chance how would they answer such a question.
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The first thing I did before answering that question, was ask my SW what exactly was being asked. For me, it was essential to know, because the answer would help me compose my response....KWIM? My SW said that I was reading too much into the question. I was thinking it was a trick question to find out if I was taking adopting a child seriously. She said nope, they really just wanted to know why I wanted to be a mom. Once I knew that, my answer was simple. I'm at work now, but tonight I'll search for my written answer. If I remember correctly, I got real philosphical on them....LOL
Here's what I wrote in response to that question:
I want to parent because I know how important love, nurturance, safety, and encouragement are to a child. I want to parent because I feel that I was put here to raise a child into a healthy adult. I've spent years "parenting" the children of others by teaching, raising self-esteem, building a can-do spirit, fostering respect for themselves and for those around them. When I see the child in the store forget to say "thank you," I remind them, just as a parent would. Guidance, love, support all come naturally to me. I want to parent because it is a natural part of who I am.
I thought it was a trick question and called the SW. I ended up saying something about it has always been my dream to love and raise children and hopefully have them mature into happy, healthy and productive adults who will leave a positive impact on the world.
Now the other questions on that application were trick questions.
"What do you expect from your adopted child regarding intelligence, athletic ability, behavior and etc?" There is a right answer to that one and if you get it wrong it might jeopardize your chances of adopting.
I have been asked any additional 'trick' questions. The CW we've been assigned to is also a birthmother, who's first born's adoption was facilitated by the agency we're working with. That lends a very interesting perspective to the whole process. Makes me feel like when we're being interviewed that she's thinking "how would I want my child's parents to answer this question."
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