Potty training... help pls

I have been asking, well, let's say begging for help in this topic, too. I just happened to post mine in the [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/toilet-training/"]toilet training[/URL] forums and so far no one is responding. I hope someone responds to one of ours so we can both get some help!!!

Weeeelll, you've gotta choose your battles. Can you control his poop and pee? Nope. IMO 'punishing' him isn't really going to get your point across, especially if he just is a little immature and needs a bit of time to get going with all the mechanics, for whatever reason. Social/emotional immaturity can be a bigger factor than we realize, not just physical (ability to pull own pants on, get to the toilet) and biological (bladder and bowel control stuff). Potty training, like many child rearing issues, is one of those mysterious things that doesn't necessarily follow logic. While you can't really control his pooping and peeing, you CAN control your response, which should be...well, controlled. With a controlled response you inform him that HE must clean the toys and whatever gets smeared when he poops. Don't be draconian about it, of course, but matter-of-factly help him find the right cleaning tools for each poop smeared item. You get to supervise and assist as needed due to age/ability, but HE gets to clean. Same thing for the bedwetter. The parent need not be 'mad' or 'angry'; it just happens and whomever pee'd the bed needs to deal with it. If they need help, the parent should be willing to lend a hand AS NEEDED, but the child should do all that he is capable of doing to clean on his own. You don't need to yell, you don't have to be angry, you don't need to be frustrated (practise ahead of time!), but you do need to have him clean up messes that he makes. This is an important lesson! It may take time for your Ds to get the whole potty stuff down pat. Being angry consistantly about something for extended periods of time is not productive. Patient persistance in showing him the correct way to do things is better than persistant anger over what has already happened. Anger/yelling/extreme disapproval only leads to tension in the home, frustration for all, and can lead to a bitter spirit which you DON'T want.Your Ds can clear his own spot at the dining table (my 2 yo does, so chances are your 3 yo can), he can pick up toys and put them where they belong, he can wipe up spills if provided with a rag, and he can clean poop if provided with the tools and assistance. When you make a mess, YOU clean it up. When Mommy makes a mess, MOMMY cleans it up. When Daddy makes a mess, DADDY cleans it up. Sometimes we help each other clean because it is kind to do and everyone needs help sometimes, but whomever made the mess is responsible to see that it gets cleaned up. Hope this helps for some of what you are dealing with.Had to edit and come back and suggest that you make sure that any pants and underwear that your Ds wears are as loose as possible to facilitate getting them on and off. Don't wear shirts that are so loose he can't see Mr. Winkie when he's ready to use the potty. Have dry practice runs zipping in to the bathroom, walking up to the potty and pulling down the pants. High fives all around when he can do his own shorts. Have him wear only his underwear, nothing else, to help him get better at doing it for himself. It's summer...the best time to potty train! LOL Stay upbeat and cheerful. Make a production of when others in the family use the potty. (Yes, parenting is bizarre. Who knew that at middle age I would be coaching my toddlers by standing at the bathroom door saying, 'Look, Brother is peeing IN THE TOILET! YEAH, BROTHER!!! Isn't that EXCITING?! Soon YOU will get to go in the potty, too!! HOO-RAY!!!' and having the toddlers clap for the older sibling. :gnome:) Rewards are appropriate for learning new skills, so try that, too. About 14 years ago I also read the book, 'Toilet Training In Less Than A Day' by Nathan Azrin. You can find it used, or check your library. I remember that there were helpful ideas in the book for working with kids in a cheerful way.Also, just a heads up...poop smearing CAN be related to anger/frustration. You might want to explore that possibility. It can be just fascinating to play with, too, but this is one thing that kids do when they are upset.

My sitter did most of the training for my son. He is 2.5 and getting much better at using the potty. At daycare all the little boys wear t-shirts and underwear because they are all potty training. I think she does this so it is easier for them to make it to the potty and do it themselves. For us #2 was the hardest. But I started telling him if he goes poo poo in the potty he gets candy. It worked like a charm. He has finally started pooping in the potty. He has had a few accidents mostly just pee pee I think its because he is so busy playing he doesn't stop to go potty in time. Try the reward system and just letting him wear underwear or just t-shirt and underwear around the house.

Thanks for the replies. We did try rewards for awhile and still do this when it helps. The problem is that he seems to know he has to go in there but just doesn't really do it unless he is naked. And like I said before even when naked he really only does the pee and not the poop. This has to be the most frustrating part of parenting :(. We have been trying this since he turned 2yrs old. Granted we sort of halfway tried for a large part of that time (our fault). And I'm at work all day so I don't really know what mom is doing with him exactly as far as training. One thing we have both discussed is that daycare would give him a much more structured atmosphere and social outlet conducive for learning to use the potty. My suspicion is that the large majority of children who learn to use the potty "early" are in daycare. We talked about putting him in daycare but it's just so expensive. My wife just had our baby not quite 3 months ago and so she would basically be going back to work to pay daycare for two children. Any ideas or comments about the value of daycare regarding the topic of potty training? Should we expect it to be taking this long considering that he doesn't have the all day long exposure of other kids using the potty? Thanks so much.

LOL Sorry, had to laugh. My dd was TOTALLY potty trained, both poop and pee, before 2.5. Not that this is 'early', but she basically had NO accidents, even at night, about 2 months or so after the initial potty training week. My other Ds was totally trained just before age 3, again with only about 5 accidents after the initial potty training week. (Seriously. He's a bit of a perfectionist, even as a toddler and really was very ready to train.)I don't do daycare, and never have. $$ being the major factor, but also there are some real down sides to daycare if you don't HAVE TO use it. You and your DW can train your son. It may take a concerted effort between the two of you. Do you have any vacation days so you can stay at home for several consecutive days and concentrate on potty time? Wipe the slate clean, so to speak, and let your Ds know that this is special for just him and he's going to feel so confident about himself when he's done. Self esteem, by the way, can't be falsely generated. A child must do the things that bring about self esteem...so nurture his ability to do positive and moral things that make him feel confident and secure about himself.Get that book I suggested. The "Less Than A Day" one. These things are covered in there.Best wishes! I'm postponing potty training for awhile. My youngest Ds and youngest Dd are 12 months apart (almost 3 and almost 2)...and we have to contemplate potty training in the very near future...but I'm dragging my feet a little! :arrow: LOL

The only thing I see with the advantage to daycare is that they are on a schedule. At so and so time, everyone goes potty. You can do that at home. I would personally start with every hour on the hour, taking him to the bathroom. Eventually that time will space out to where you know how often he needs to go. Then eventually (with lots of praise and hoopla) it will start sinking in. Kids NEED routine, so that is what helped us with potty training. I am a stickler for a schedule with kids, and I think it really helps with potty training, napping, etc. routine routine routine. You and your wife may have already tried that, but I just thought I'd offer what helped with us when my boys were little. (and I posted in Ani's post, but we DID NOT use pull ups, just big boy underwear and plastic panties over that). Potty training is sooooooo frustrating! Especially if you walk into a room and see it smeared everywhere! blehhhhhh! I would be a little upset (OK, a LOT!) if I walked into a poop smeared room repeatedly. I think the main thing would be routine, verbal praise and rewarding them when they do "it" in the potty.

As a preschool teacher and aunt to many, I can tell you the poop almost always comes after the pee. My nephew would ask for a pull up and proceed to poop in it until he was just over four years old! As a mom, I agree with the schedule part of it--at daycare, my daughter goes on the potty almost all day long. At home, she could care less. I think they start the whole process at daycare a lot younger than most people would at home. I certainly wouldn't enroll in day care just for the potty aspect. (although I'm hoping to recoup some daycare expenses by saving on diapers once she's trained--lol) After reading through responses here, I'm thinking that at home we are going to set a timer and every time it goes off, she'll sit on the potty and get a sticker or something. She usually has success sans diaper, but this morning she was nekkid and a dropped a LOAD on the floor. She then of course, pointed to it and said, "STINKY POOP!" Yes honey, stinky poop. On the carpet. Thanks. He'll get there eventually!!!