Advertisements
Advertisements
Hi, gang. I just stumbled on to this forum. Looks like a great resource for adoption information. I am a single male (37 years old). Unfortunately, I have not been blessed to find someone to settle down with and raise a family. Sometimes I feel like I've been robbed of that, as most people my age are married and have families of their own by this age. I long to have that, and sometimes it seems as if I've "missed the boat." I especially long for the experience of fatherhood. I've been told constantly by friends, colleagues and associates that I would make a great dad. Adoption never even crossed my mind, until a friend suggested that as an option. After some basic research, I would definitely like to consider adoption, as ther are so many kids in foster care waiting for permanent homes. I guess the big question is if single males have a fair shot at becoming adotive parents. Some of the research I've done indicate that there are lots of scrutiny and roadblocks for single males looking into adoption. Nevertheless, I still want to look into this. I just don't know where to start. Any advice to point me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated. I live in California. Thanks!
Advertisements
I would just add that each state feels different towards single parents. I was not able to adopt from foster care thru my state - MN as a single parent but TX was great to work with- twice hopeful for a third time soon. In fact, TX for a long time had a family created by adoption on the front of their site that showed a single dad and his kids. I say check out how your state feels about it and then others so you don't spend alot of time spinning your wheels. I spent 2 years before switching to an agency that would allow me to go out of state.
just my experiences
Hi..Im also a single male (40 y.o.) in California that is considering adoption as well. I can relate to a lot of the frustrations you mentioned. I've been feeling a strong need to become a dad for the last several years, and since I turned 40, that feeling has increased tenfold. I was always told that the perfect LTR would come along when you least expect it, so I've been patiently waiting doing my best to "not expect", and nada. I've decided if I want to become a dad, I'm going to have to make it happen myself. I frequently work in the labor and delivery area of a hospital, and it just kills me watching people become new parents all day long, and then going home alone that night. I have some nieces and nephews (blood-related and otherwise), and while it's great being a part of their lives, it really only deepens the pain of not having a child of my own (it's also great practice, though). I still have some fears and uncertainties about being a single parent, but those seem to be diminishing a lot the more I research it. I would love to talk with some single adoptive dads about this.
Hello! I am a 30 year old (soon to be 31) single male who is seeking to adopt. Like so many else, marrage seems to have passed me by. And it hasn't passed me by because I am some sort of psyco or anything, but rather because of my own laziness in that arena.
Being single is great, don't get me wrong. I have nobody to answer to. I get to spend all of my money on my toys (computers and home theater). I own my own house (with a roomate who pays me rent), and have a nice car. Despite all of that however my life has a huge hole in it... No one to provide for, nurture, and call family. Who knew that even men can have that need programmed into them?
Most of my friends are married, and are starting to have children of their own. The more I watch that the more I realize that I want a family of some sort even if marrage doesn't find me.
I have started the process to become licenced to foster/adopt in my home state of Missouri as of mid June and I am already well on my way to be licensed. So far it has been rather easy. My local family services office has been quite open to the idea of single and male and have not thrown me any road blocks. I have noticed however that I need to be a little more proactive when communicating with them.
I still have some fears and uncertainties about being a single parent, but those seem to be diminishing a lot the more I research it. I would love to talk with some single adoptive dads about this.
I had that for quite sometime myself in the 3 years leading up to this decision. Once I came out into the open about this and got the overwhelming support of my friends and family those fears have largely subsided. Now I am finding myself in almost a constant state of excitment. The only fear I really have anymore is the question of how my social life will be affected. I do have tendencies to get lonely quickly unless I am out and about with friends. So far my best answer to that question is to let go of that need, which I am working on now.
Anyways, I have probably rambled on enough for one post. I hope to hear from other single men around the country or in my state who have or are looking to adopt.
Hi there. I'm not a single dad; I'm a single mom, but I wanted to respond quickly regarding the social life issue. I was pretty much a homebody to begin with and would actually rather stay home most evenings. However, I have found that it is important to give myself some breaks from my son (as much as I love him). My parents watch my son a couple evenings a month while I go out; also, since my son has special needs, we qualify for habilitation and respite care. I mostly use those for when I work though. Anyway, I think it's all about finding a balance. You won't be able to go out all night every night with your friends anymore (and will probably be too tired for a while anyway), but it is important to get out every once in a while. You'll find that you're a better parent when you get some "you" time every once in a while.
Leah
Advertisements
If any of you single guys are interested in international adoption, Estonia is open to single men.
Cuervas -- as to your social like. Since you said a lot of your friends are starting to have families, you can still hang out with them and have everyone bring the kids along.
Your post sounds like something I could have written. I stayed married to a career for far too long and finally woke up that at age 58, to see that if I did not do something soon the father role would never appear on my resume. So at age 59 I adopted four boys and it is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done. I love being Pop and my kids are great. While I clearly am too old to do some of the things my kids would like, we still do a lot together and the happiness that I see in the eyes of my boys when they know that they have someone who loves them no matter what, and who can help them get prepared for life is priceless. I would be happy to share my experiences with you if you would like. Good luck.
Pete, Pop to four great kids.
Not sure if AJV is still around, but I wanted to chime in on single parenting by dads. It is possible and there is a need for them, as there are so many children in the system who need a home.
I wish you the best in you journey and it is possible!
scandi
I would just add that each state feels different towards single parents. I was not able to adopt from foster care thru my state - MN as a single parent but TX was great to work with- twice hopeful for a third time soon. In fact, TX for a long time had a family created by adoption on the front of their site that showed a single dad and his kids. I say check out how your state feels about it and then others so you don't spend alot of time spinning your wheels. I spent 2 years before switching to an agency that would allow me to go out of state.
just my experiences
I live in texas, can you recommend any agencies? also interested in international adoption.
Advertisements
I don't know much about agencies in Texas but I would recommend checking the TARE site because it may have some information on it. I know of one agency that does foster care down there but not sure if they do adoption or not. I will pm you with that name. Good Luck
Im a 22 Male Looking To Private Adopt, Just Like Others I Have Not Been Blessed With Finding A Significant Other And Not At All Worried About It, Im Looking Towards Adoption Because I Know I Will Become A Great Father, I Already Pretty Much Raised My 3 Nephews At The Age Of 15 Until Now,Ive Also Watched/Taken Care Of Family Friends Kids At The Age Of 12, I Am Great With Kids, I Am A Really Nice Person, I Know Everything That Goes Into Raising A Child And I Am Definently Ready For Everything, This Has Been My Biggest Dream, And I Know One Day I Will/Hope I Will Be Able To Adopt A Child
Cuervas:: As a single fost/adoptive mom, I can say with alot of certainty: the social life you now have will CEASE TO EXIST!! Your social life will evolve your kids and their lives. Good luck!!
Hi. I am in California as well, and am a single male foster dad of a 9 year old boy. It certainly took longer than I expected to get placed, but I think a lot of that had more to do with problems within the foster system, due to budget cuts, etc, than the fact that I was a single dad. I will say that in my foster parenting class, I was one of only two prospective single parents, and the only male one. My process wound up taking about two years from the time I started the classes, until I was placed with my son, but there were other factors involved that I believe slowed things down for me. My son has been with me since early June, and I'm very happy, and so is he. It's definately not an easy road, but it is certainly do-able.
Advertisements
Hi, everyone I just stumbled on to this forum. Looks like a great resource for adoption information. I am a single male 22 soon to be 23 Unfortunately, I have not been blessed to find someone to settle down with and raise a family. , as most people my age are married and have families of their own even by this age, I def know i am mature enough to have a child in my life, i have tons of experince with children, I have been through everyphase of a child and i loved everyminute of it, I pretty much raised my sisters two boys when i worked and when i was off i had her kids from morning until night when her and her husband where at work, i woke up with her kids and put them to bed, Its def a great experience to have, And even when i was working i would have my nephews during the day , bring them up to my job where my sister also worked , then i would go to work, so by the time i got to work wow was i tired, Alot of people were so amazed at how good i was at watching kids specially my family, past managers , friends and cousins and i also. been told by associates that I would make a great dad.,I know if given the oppurtunity I can be an amazing loving father, I have a house , bed, crib, clothes, money for food, milk, formula, diapers you name my future child will always be taken care of, I hope i get the opportunity and someone will read this and get to know me and get in contact with me, it would mean the world to me..Kevin from Florida