Have you read the Happiest Toddler on the Block?

Well, I'd like to say I read it but... I started to and just couldn't stomach it. It was the technique of "talking" to your child. I thought it was silly and I just couldn't do it that way. Hope you have better success with it! :-)

Sadie; Can you explain what you mean for those of us who don't have the book and are debating purchase or not? :)

I KNEW someone would ask! Sigh. And I no longer have the book so I can't quote it verbatim but basically, he suggests that you talk to them in THEIR tone of voice and "match" them. In other words, if they're having a fit, you match them in tone, voice and gestures. I found an excerpt: The fast-food rule. Everyone wants to know they have been heard. The Fast-Food Rule is simple: Before you tell an upset toddler your concerns, you must first validate the child’s feelings—repeating his or her words and sincerely mirroring the child’s level of emotion in your voice, face and gestures: “You don’t want to get out of the bathtub! You’re mad because you have to get out of the bathtub! You want to stay in the bath tub!” Let the child know you understand their message to you, and then you can get your message of reassurance, distraction or explanation back to them. I dunno; IMO, you can validate a toddler's feelings without "stooping to their level" and mimicing them. Here's another: Speak in toddlerese. We as parents are taught to speak calmly to children in a sedate tone. Dr. Karp encourages you to throw that philosophy out with the dirty diapers and understand that a toddler has primitive language ability. You have to reflect their level of feeling and join them in the jungle. Then you can guide them back to civilization. When speaking in toddlerese be sure to use short phrases, use lots of repetition, mirror the child’s face and voice levels. Your child is upset. To them, getting that cookie is a life or death situation. When using toddlerese, you would join them on the floor mirroring their physicality. Emulating their voice you would say, “You want that cookie! You’re mad that you can’t have that cookie! I know, you’re upset because YOU want the cookie!” You have now responded and repeated what it is that your child wants to do. Once the child has seen your acknowledgment of the situation, you can then get your message across. Everything comes back to your voice. I just find it odd and silly that if my DS doesn't want to get out of the bathtub that I need to "mirror" him with: (Caps added, as that what Karp does in his book) YOU DON'T WANT TO GET OUT! NO! NO! NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO GET OUT! Yes, he does suggest "raising" your voice and saying NO a lot. I just don't feel you need to BE a toddler to RAISE a toddler, kwim? Don't get me wrong; his "baby" book was AWESOME. The 5 S's worked like a charm and have for many people I know but this book was off. I'd suggest borrowing it from the library 1st and THEN, if you like it, buy your own copy. Just my .02

Interesting. Not something we do around these parts either but now I'm intrigued enough to borrow it from the library. LOL ;)ETA: Our local branch of our library actually has the book, which is shocking because they don't have a wide parenting selection. (Though we have a great inter-library loan program so I'm never more than two days away from a book I want!) I need to finish up the book that I'm reviewing for this month (note that I have, uhm, two days) and finish up another book that's almost due and then I'll borrow that one! :)

I just bought it a couple weeks ago!!!! But had to finish the 5 books from the libe first before I can start it. It's next on my list. How to Behave so Your Children Will Too and Dr. Brazelton's Touchpoints are going back this week. And CRAP. I lost their 1-2-3- Magic book. It HAS to be here somewhere! I checked it out for a second term online, hoping I can find it before it's due again.

any updates on these books from you readers? 1-2-3 Magic did not work for us, but I have started to use some of the techniques now that my son is a little older and little more mature. I don't think he was ready for it at first. He would always just wait to 3 to do something. Why react to 1 when you have 2 more chances? :eyebrows: I really like the Beyond Consequenses Logic and Control book best so far. I am interested in hearing what works for other parents!

We find telling our kids what we want them to do rather than telling them No or Stop works well. For example: They are into jumping on the couch. Instead of the STOP JUMPING, we say...let's sit on the couch, the couch is for sitting. (I may have to repeat this several times) Kids hear what is being said last... so Stop JUMPING, they hear... JUMPING. Finally... time to do things... I know I want it to stop instantly, but if I do "Wait Time" at teaching technique I learned... count to 10-20 inside my head. I find the kids do what I ask. They need to process and do what it is I want. We then... praise them for the positive action. Thank you... it's much safer to sit on the couch. Now... we are finding they are ignoring us at times. I tell them they have two choices, they can sit by themselves, or Mommy can help you. You decide I am going to count to 3 and you need to make your decision. This is working for us. Most of the time they don't want '"MY help" and stop. Again... I praise them. We trying and only do "punishment" timeouts for safety issues... i.e. running from us, or doing things that are unsafe. These things come from a variety of the books. Find what works best for your kids. They all are different.