I created a website for my quest a few weeks ago, and put a contact me form on it.
I received a message today, saying that she might be the person that I am looking for. She included no name, just a phone number and an e-mail address.
How should I precede? I'm very suspicious (but cautiously excited).
What should I ask to see if it's really her, without giving out too much info to let someone con me? I've read about people having 'fake' people contact them on this forum and pretending to be someone... how can I not get suckered here?
I find it hard to believe that she could find me so fast, and also that she left no name. Any advice here?
Edit: I know I should ask city, hospital, etc., but what else? How can I make sure the person isn't just copying my online listing from somewhere being cruel?
I want to believe it's them, but I find it hard to believe it happened so fast and that the message was so short. Helppp me from not getting hurt here please. :)
Can you think of anything that she would know that you did not post it publicly? Also when you call her ask questions that require an answer, ie, "Do you know what hospital I was born in?" Do not ask questions with a yes or no answer, KWIM?
Well, it was a small town, so someone could easily guess the hospital (there's only one there, perhaps two at this point in time).
Would exact time of birth, weight, etc. do anything for verification purposes? I'd be shocked if she actually remembered any of that, if even legit. I guess I could try and ask dates of the adoption being finalized, perhaps. A picture would make it quite a bit easier.
It wasn't an emotional e-mail or anything.. so cold that it makes me suspect that it's fact. I guess I'll find out soon enough!
Another thought/question...
I tried looking up the e-mail address and phone number in searches but got no results. Would someone trying to hoax me leave a phone number? Why can't I find anything with the info they left? UGH.
I guess I could try and ask dates of the adoption being finalized, perhaps.
The chances of her knowing this answer is slim to none. The act of terminating ones rights is seperate from the finalization and once the rights are terminated, they are no longer involved in the process.
The agency name?
Attorney name?
Hospital name?
Dr.'s name (if you know it)?
Take a DNA test? You can get one, done via the mail, for a couple of hundred can split the cost even.
Thanks for the tips, Brandy. I hadn't thought of DNA tests by mail.. interesting. Well, I might be jumping the gun a smidge but hopefully she'll respond soon to see if any of the details that we actually have match. EECK!! :arrow:
My boyfriend e-mailed her for details yesterday. Now, we're waiting. I hate waiting.. ahh! Time will tell if this could be "it," but I'm still trying not to get too excited just yet. :prop:
My suggestion for you is to think of things regarding your adoption that only you and her and your adoptive family would know. Like it was posted before, city you were born Things about your birth maybe. Those sorts of things.
I hate to say it, but I applaud you in being cautious.
I hate to say it, but I applaud you in being cautious.
Thanks. :) I kind of think that I"m paranoid, but I don't want dissapoint here either. I'm stillll waiting to hear back, and it's driving me insane.
I want to think it's her, but I've just read all (well, a few) of the horror stories about people either having people try to fool them here or simply not being the "right" person (mismatch) after all, so I'm trying to take it slowly.
But, boy would it be nice if she was "the" one!
I also applaud you for being cautious. I too would be a bit.. errr..not comfy with the fact that not even a first name was left and not being able to verify the email or phone number. Now after saying that, it may be a cell phone number she left, wanting to make sure once you got the messege you could get a hold of her immediately even if she wasnt home! When it comes to city of birth, look to see if the one listed on your amended birth cert happens to also be the same one your aparents resided in. Georgia so i have heard alot allowed that to be changed on the amended cert. If the only info the person seems to have is what you know you have posted, then you might suggest the dna thing and see what they say.
[font=century gothic]well, I'm here with ya, feb17!! I too hope it's the right one! :loveyou: any reply back?? LOL! I'm not a patient person either, but I too wait to hear from my bdaughter.
and good idea on going cautiously! Ya never know these days... :cowboy:
Good Luck, feb17![/font]
We talked on the phone for a little while, thinking that we're a match.
She didn't have any info, though. I stated some basics, and she said that matched with what she knew.
I guess what I'm curious about would be.. how many babies would be born in a hospital on one day in one city? Do we need more verification or would birthdate/hospital be sufficient? I'm rather confused.
Does GA have a registry that if you both sign up for, they'll release your information? I'm sure it would take some time, but that may be the cheapest way to ensure you're a match. Call the agency that handled your adoption and see if they'll at least confirm or deny initials. (long shot probably, but in my non-id, I got the first and last name in a spot)
Does GA have a birth index? You may be able to see verify it there.
I'm out of ideas...and most of them weren't great. Good luck!!
You may able to get non-identifying information from the agency you were adopted through. My parents saved the papers they were given when I was adopted and gave it to me when I was older. It included ages, height,weight, ethinic background and even some basic medical history. Recently my birth family found me. I was able to ask a couple of questions based on things in the non-identifying information that could not have been known by anyone else. The key is that once you have things you can ask, don't ask yes or no questions. And remember to take it slow. And most importantly good luck. This is very exciting!
Soon after I posted this in 2007, I realized this lady was a scammer.
She had called me for an hour, never giving info, only agreeing with what I said.
She asked personal questions then asked "how are you feeling." She showed zero emotion.
I reported this scammer, in 2007, to her local police, my city police, as well as other relevant LEO agencies.
I reverse traced her phone number, and gave her phone number, a recording of her scam phone call, as well as her address from public records to her local police, my local police, and other relevant police agencies across the USA. She was a scammer who attempted to scam multiple people.
I'm glad I didn't fall for it-- other than wasting an hour of my life in 2007. I doubted her validity after that call and reported her to police.