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So I'm a 22 year old adoptee and I live halfway around the world from my entire family (biological and adoptive). Both of my birthparents refuse to have anything to do with me and my fiance doesn't seem to understand why I'm always so afraid he's going to leave me. I think somewhere in the back of my mindI think that if the people who made me gave me up, it won't be hard for everyone else to leave. Another minor problem is that there is a little discrepancy about our upcoming wedding and I want to let them know about it, at least just to rub their noses that I will be just fine eventually or something like that, but I don't think that's one of my better ideas. I know this is all jumbled but I guess this is just the beginning coming out.
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I'm sorry both your bparents don't want a realationship. But your relationship with them is not the same as your relationship with your soon-to-be husband (congradulations by the way) I am adopteed and think that my bparents gave me up for a better life, is your fiance going to do that? and You didn't specify how you were going to rub their "noses in it" but I find that grace and indiference can make the biggest point
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Cally,
I am 23 and got married a little over a year ago. Let me tell you girl it hasn't been easy, as I too fell like he is going to leave me. I almost push him away sometimes. Does your husband know what you deal with emotionally? How does he feel about it? If he wanted to leave, he would be gone by now, and not asking you to spend the rest of your life with him. That would be a long time to be with someone he wanted to leave now wouldn't it? :) I can say that there are days I still think he will leave, and I push him at it, almost cause a fight to test him. But you know what? He hasn't left yet, and he could by now if he wanted to. I bet your fiance is still there too, no matter what you say to him. It doesn't mean it's okay to fight and say the things we say, but it will get easier for all involved as long as he knows the things you face and he can help you through. The fighting will become less often, and you find that trusting him with the intimacy of telling him your fears and why you feel them will make your trusting him easir. I promise. :)
As for the biological parents, I don't know mine so I'm not sure exactly how you are feeling right now. But I d o think "rubbing it in" wouldn't help a thing, only make you feel worse. The best thing you can do is live your life not needing them either, and if they can see you really don't need them, they may question themselves. But by then you will have moved on and enjoy a happy life with your husband, without them.