Stick with LDSFS or go with Fost/Adopt?

I have fostered and adopted two girls. They were toddlers when placed so I didn't get to experience their infant days but there are babies out there if that is what you are looking for. I went thru the state agency so parents are still in the picture and are trying to regain full custody of the child. It is very emotional to adopt this way but I love my girls and I wouldn't do it any other way. We have thought about adopting with LDS services but I feel like there are so many children that need good homes and I can parent these needy children that I leave the LDS babies to those women who can't parent anything but a newborn.

We waited with LDSFS for 2 years and are just switching to fost/adopt through our county (in California). So I do not know a ton about it yet. Except for a good friend who has done it twice. The "wait" is definitely shorter but the kids are usually "abused" in some way. Even if you want an infant through fost/adopt the wait is shorter that LDSFS. For us it was not necessarily about the wait. We want to be where the Lord wants us to be, it was kind of hard for us to figure it out. I think the scariest thing about fost/adopt is the birthparents involvement and how willing you are to work with that. There is always that chance that the child could go back to thier bio parent(s). But that chance is there with LDSFS too. The older you go the more "history" there will be with the children. But I think it comes down to where our children are and we need to be in tune to that so we can "find" them. The Lord will help us through it if they are our kids.

I don't mean to butt in here but I have known people who do the foster adopt and it works for them most of the time. But there are those times when the foster parents are hoping to adopt a particular child and when they go back to the birthparents, it just breaks their hearts. I know also that the foster kids come with the "history" as was mentioned already but you have to be strong and willing to work with the bparents in helping them get their child/ren back and try not to be angry when they do or try to thwart the attempts at the bparents to get their child back. By that I'm meaning, looking for all their bad points and reporting only the bad stuff when they come for their visits or whatever. Some people go out of their way to make the bparents look bad so the child won't go back even if the parents are really trying to work things out and do better by their child. The Fparents can make a big difference in all that. One of my friends is a foster parent and each time one of "her kids" left to either be adopted by someone or given back to the parents she just breaks out and cries. She loves every one of the kids who come into her home. She's a great foster parent. She did adopt 2 kids during the many many years she's been a foster parent. But the ones that leave just break her heart. If you're willing and ready to deal with that and the "issues" the children may have who come into your home, then it might be a good place to start and do. I don't generally advocate for adoption. I'm a bmom and due to my own experiences, infant adoption isn't something I deal with very well. But I do know kids in bad situations who need family who cares about them and can love them in spite of their "issues" need that. I'm all for the older child adoption if they are going to be stuck in foster homes their whole lives. I've seen too many foster homes where the Fparents drank, smoked, and abused the kids. It has made me sick seeing that and if a child can be put with a family who is willing to adopt them in spite of the emotional issues they may have, that's a wonderful thing. Rylee

Rylee is right on...I guess I didn't think to mention if you go through a state agency that the main goal is to reunite the family and then if that fails you will be next in line for adoption. And how much you think the child is better off with you, the reality is that the b-family needs to be together despite their downfalls. My first placement ended in adoption because family just disappeared. In three month we already had b-families rights terminated because basically there was no family but mine was an extreme case that way. I think for me God knew I needed it to be that easy. But sometimes God needs you to grow emotionally and it won't be easy and maybe you won't be able to adopt for several placements. But if you stick with it eventually a child will come up for adoption even after your best efforts to help parents re-unionify. Which happened with our next adopted girl. Her story is an emotional roller coaster and even after we were prepared to give her back to her mom (the judge had already ordered a date for return) her mom bailed and we ended up adopting her too. So it does work both ways, easy and hard. But if you can't put your feeling aside for a time and help the family re-unite then fostering a child that still has parental rights attatch is not for you. You must be able to let the parents try to parent their child, they just need help for a while. And like Rylee said, yes you will cry with each child and if you don't then you aren't doing it right! These kids need you to love them and they need to know you love them. So cry for them.

I am not LDS, just got "teased" in by the recent posts screen. I only wanted to add that ALL placed children come with a "history," even the baby put in your arms at birth by a birthmother.

Wow! Thanks for the great replies! We've definitely had a lot to consider. I really appreciate the experience and advice that you all have offered. We're still trying to figure out all the pros and cons... but, above all trying to be in tune with what is the right choice and situation for us right now. I know that answer is probably different for everybody, and that's where it gets a little tricky. I still don't have any idea what we're going to do, but I've been feeling that things will become clearer to us as we get more information about our different options. But, I just wanted to thank all of you for your replies... they have really helped to calm my heart and bring clarity to my thoughts and feelings. So, thank you! And, I'll come back and let you know how things turn out and what we decide to do.

Educate yourself on attachment issues...if a child has had an INTERRUPTION in caregivers, there will be some issues...being an infant doesn't stop that..An infant can feel abandoned and learn not to trust. That being said, there is no reason you can't do both...you would just have to update your homestudy with LDSFS to include whatever child is placed in your home.

I just wanted to comment on a few of the things previously said: When we were with LDSFS we seriously looked into doing both (staying with LDSFS and doing fost/adopt). We called all around and no fost/adopt agencies would take us if we were already approved with another agency. And LDSFS would not let us stay with them if we went to another agency. But all LDSFS offices are a little different. So, it might work in another office. Also the fost/adopt agency we are using now has a main goal of adoption - not reunification with birth families. Their percentage of children that are reunified is about 2 %. So, it probably just depends where you are, what state, what agencies and so forth. Good luck with everything.

Hi,Jumping in a little late but wanted to tell you that we were foster/adopt parents and after several reunifications we decided to go through ldsfs to adopt. I told our foster program of our intent to adopt through a private agency. We were still receiving calls from them for placements. Our county is extremely backwards with adoption through foster care. It really depends where you live and what agency you use. It is very much a hit and miss, they do not know what the plan will be, if it is going to be adoption or reuinification. WIth us it is ALWAYS reunification. Then there is the chance of family members stepping forward once it does move to adoption. It is a scary place to go. It was for us but we did feel a tug towards adopting through foster care because albeit hard and scary there really is a need. I feel that all LDSFS babies are going to pretty specacular homes. I'm sure they will all have their problems...but good forever, eternal homes. Foster care called to us. In our county there is a HUGE need for SAHM that will accept babies. Basically baby homes are almost always full. I was NEVER empty. Our problem was not being too full. Once we were approved to adopt through LDSFS we were told about our soon to be adopted son through foster care. We were very reluctant to even consider it. However, our hearts kept calling us. His case was going to be changed from reunification to adoption. He was 11 months old. After a week of thought and prayer we decided to meet him. One meeting and I felt, along with dh, that this was the child we were meant to adopt. We still have not officially adopted him but at this point its a matter of formality. He is the light of our lives. We have two older dd's who adore and love him. He fits in our family. It hasn't all been easy. I missed his baby months and that is hard. Also even though he is mine in my heart, legally he isn't my son yet. THat is hard. We practice attachment parenting, I did a lot of research on this. Some of the suggestions we cannot do because at this point we are his foster parents. As a foster mom who has had little ones with attachment issues I beleive 100% in attachment parenting. There is a lot on this sight that can help you with that. Sooooo many people beleive that babies/toddlers don't have a problem attaching because they are so young, I totally disagree. I feel that even infants have a period of greiving. I also feel it depends on the level of abuse/neglect and a child's temperment. We just accepted an emergency placement of a 6 week old baby girl. While I have no reason given to me to feel this way I do feel one day we will also adopt her. We felt guided to accept her as well. WE have a common connection to her mom through a friend at church. We all, including her mom, feel it was meant to be that she lives with us. At this point her mom is working a reunification plan but I have yet to hear what it is and when visits will start. I'm worried about her mom, she is having a hard time. Being a foster parent you agree to support reunification. I beleive in this as a goal and until it changes my job is to help that parent, support them, etc. I didn't realize how rewarding this could be and how much of a help I could be for a mother and father who have never had a role model. I also feel that most parents, certainly not all, build relationships easily when basic human respect is given. I love that as a foster parent my job is not to come down on the parent, that is the SW and the judge, I simply get to support the plan put in place and the parent. OUr son's adoption should be finalized within the next few months. Every child we accepted into our home I know was with us for our growth and for their growth. I feel God's hand in what we are doing. I have had to say "no" to several situations that did not feel right. It is difficult for me to do that but it is very imporant for us to follow our gut. When we haven't it has not worked out well. I would also warn that often SW will not give you the entire story or medical history of a child. WHen we get a call it is usually that day, that hour that they need to place a child and sometimes they are desperate for a home. I know not all counties/agencies are like this. If we do not adopt this baby girl I could see us updating our homestudy through LDFS once our son's adoption is finalized. He is now 18 months and attached beautifully. I am grateful we followed our heart becuase he was meant to be in our family. I think ultimatly you have to do what is best for your family and what you feel is the right decision. L

My wife and I wen foster/adopt, mainly because we didn't have the funds. We didn't know if it is any better, but we did get a great little girl.

I was a birth parent/adoption worker at LDS Family Svcs. and I have also adopted foster children. Foster children usually come in 2s or 3s and the younger you can get them, the better because they learn lots of things (good and bad) from their biological families. Also, I was told the average age of fost/adopt children is 2 - 5 years old.

We had an active home study with LDSFS and were licensed through our state for fost/adopt simultaneously (yes, you can do this). However, once our foster daughter arrived, we had to place our LDSFS home study on hold since LDSFS adoptions must be at least a year apart (unless otherwise approved) and, theoretically, the foster situation could have resulted in an adoption --and that's exactly what happened! :) After adopting our daughter, we faced the same decision you're contemplating because we wanted to give her a sibling and we ultimately decided to renew our state home study first for straight adoption (typically of older children, or at least, non-newborns)...and if that didn't work out, go with LDSFS again. We completed our home study in August and were matched to a toddler in October. I see no harm in doing both until you actually receive a child in your home. My warning, which may echo other posts, is that "fost/adopt" is risky in that there are no guarantees you'll be able to adopt the child you foster. In fact, most states prioritize reunification over anything else--sometimes even in extreme cases. We fostered a newborn who we were told we would probably adopt and, with 3 days notice, he was placed with his mother (who had a substantial drug addiction and pretty horrible history). Not to say she isn't deserving of parenting her child but to say that we did not expect him to be reunified under such circumstances. In short, I would absolutely become a foster/adopt parent in addition to keeping your LDSFS home study (which is only good for a year, unfortunately). However, when accepting foster placements, do your best to determine the likeliness of the child being adopted. (The caseworkers should be able to give some insight, if only anecdotal, on their outlook for any given child. This whole process is such a test of faith. I wish you success in whatever avenue you choose! Your little one(s) are out there! :) Best wishes, Jennifer

I just realized the initial thread was from two years ago --oops-- but perhaps my post can help someone else with the same question. :) Best wishes, all! Jennifer