Brother being adopted.

Well I am on that other end. We are adopting the brother of 2 (half)sisters. The sisters are 14 and 11, and raised their brother until 2 years ago. The 2 sisters now live with their BioDad. I know that the sisters are feeling the same things you are. We live further away than he was while he was in foster care, but still only 2 hours from the girls. What we are doing is still visiting them, allowing phone calls, and they email each other. This will continue until we see that it is causing problems or becomes unhealthy for either side. I know that after meeting our family a few times the girls are happy for him now, even though there has to still be some sadness of him joining a family different from theirs. They are permantly loosing the chance of living as a family together. I just want you to know that just because a family adopts the brother, doesn't mean you will never have contact with him again. Make sure his caseworker knows how you feel and that you would like to keep in contact. When we were first approached about J, we were told up front about his sisters and the wanted visitation.

My son is the 2nd child removed from his parents and eventually adopted. His sister's foster family had told all the SW that they supported a relationship between the sibs, but could/would not take him. They are in a different county and I think there was some confusion as to how far along her case was because she was actually not adoted until after Bug was...and then she was adopted by the daughter of the foster parents she was placed with...what a mess. Since then they have moved out of state and never once tried to contact us. I often wonder if she even knows she has a brother...or even if they will ever tell her she is adopted. As one of 5 children in my own family, it breaks my heart to know that he has a sister out there that he may never know. I think our hurt is more for our children than ourselves.

I think this hits it on the head for me. I know that she is missing him and is wondering if he will still be her brother. Tonight she cried for him for the first time. I cried with her because I so hate to see her heart break. I told her that it was OK to cry and to miss him and that she could always talk to me about her feelings. Again, I sit here crying tonight. I can't put my finger on it any more than I know the loss of her brother brings her pain.

It is difficult, I too have my childrens siblings out there somewhere.. They will never have the pleasure of meeting my children, and that makes me sad. One sibling the youngest to my four is in the home of my best friend. We live far apart, but keep contact with pictures everyday phone calls and trips. My three children sibling group have a brother who was adopted at birth before they were born, and another brother who was also foster/adoted before they were born, and he will never know that he has bio siblings. I guess you just have to put it in prospective. I believe that nothing just happens. I also believe that there is purpose for everything that happens. My children have siblings that love them, are they biological? No, but never the less we are a family. I would hope that one day they can meet their bio siblings, but I have to remember that they were placed seperate for a reason. Keep contact the best you can, so they will never have to search for him. That is the hardest part, when you read the birthmother forum. I hate seeing the saddness from families longing to find a loved one.