need advice ,first vist with sons birthfamily

My son has visits with his biofamily 4 times a year. We have our next one in November. We usually pick a place in the middle (although they don't know where I live). They usually suggest some place and then I either agree or disagree. The first few visits, which included his 3rd birthday, they brought a lot of family members, i.e. cousins, aunts, uncles. Then the next birthday visit it was only my son's bfather, his new girlfriend and his bgrandmother. The bmother disappeared and I've not heard or seen her for almost 2 years. It was an awkward situation at first but got better with each visit. Although we haven't had a visit since April so I am not sure how my son will react to them. But they are always very respectful of me and ask me if he can do this or that, have this or that, etc. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes...

thank you for your input.

How did the visit go?

we havent had the visit yet,it will be next month.

We have monthly visits with B-GMA, who raised our DD, until the age of 7, its very hard, because, GMA still wants to be mom, and DD, is pulling away, because for the 1st time in her life, she has no worries about "were the next meal is coming from" or "where will I be sleeping tonight". Make sure to "feel" them out during the visit and watch your son, during AND after the visit, to see how he responds. We can't do unsupervised visits with GMA, she was saying horrible things to DD. We take DD to visit GMA as they do not drive, which is fine, our drive, our choice for visit time. They "told" us last month, they expected us to come and pick them up for the Christmas visit, so they could come to our home, NOT! That would have been 4 hours driving time for me, (they live an hour away) I think the choice is yours, your the one willing to let them meet, you decide what you want. And what works for you and your family.

well,some new developments this week.sw recieved a larrge box of toys from bmom,no occasion she just wants to send them.she also has sent 3 cards,signed everything,from mom.also lets her boyfriend write in the cards.i wont go into it ,but we feel the cards are inaproriate,because of what she says in them.also the gifts,its to much.we just wrote her a letter,telling her only one small gift for christmas and his bday.and a card or letter every 3 months.and her boyfriend is not part of contact.only her.also to sign card,from her name or your birthmom--.so we are still undecided weather to share any of these things with our son at this time.next,sw called friday and said bmom had called her and left a message,wanting to know if ds already knew about the visit,because she might not be able to make it!sw tried calling her back ,but couldnt get through to her.she lives in a hotel.if she doesnt make this visit,which she picked the date,and therapist and our family arranged our schedules to be there,we will not have one in dec.i am so upset,this is what i feared would happen,she will say shes coming and not come,and he will be the one who is hurt.she has not seen him since feb,what could be more important!she has called sw several times in the last months wanting to know when she would get a visit and now this.our son does know that we were going to do a visit soon,he just wasnt give a date.so now we wait to see if sw can get in touch with her and find out if shes coming or not.on a happier note,we are working on a visit with his older half sister,who seems much more together than bmom.i know they say open is better for the kids,but i no longer am sure if that is true in this situation.bmom,has issues and i dont think that will ever change.is it right to keep exposing our son to someone who says she cares so much about him,misses him so much,but really isnt able to there for him?i really have mixed feeling right now.any advice?i will keep u all posted.thanks.

I think you have to do what you feel is in the best interest of your son. Period. I've learned that there are no one size fits all solutions in adoption/fostercare/etc. Every case is different. All things being equal, it's best when there can be at least some contact but sometimes it simply doesn't work. Just keep an open mind and see what the future brings. Perhaps visits are not right for now but that's not to say that will be the case 6months/a year from now. Good luck.

How old is your son? Sorry if I missed that. It sounds to me like you already have a really good sense of boundaries and where to draw the line - just keep following your instincts. But maybe DON'T tell your son about any planned visits until they get a little closer, so he isn't disappointed when she flakes.

Geez, this attitude of a sense of entitlement never ceases to amaze me! We're lucky with our FS's grandparents - he's a teen which helps too, but they want him for Christmas and they are going to drive SIX hours each way to pick him up and bring him home, and they are very respectful of checking the dates to make sure they are convenient for me. They chose not to take him when he became available for adoption, and have been VERY supportive of our family.

well,visit with bmom has been cancelled.she claims to have injured her leg,and is under doctors care and cant drive etc etc.we will look at trying again after the holidays.are still hoping to have a visit with his birth half sister.this is why we insisted his sisters visits be totally seperate from bmoms.if bmom screws up,it shouldnt have to affect contact with his bsister.she does not live with bmom.so hopefully visit with bsis will happen.We have not told him yet that the visit with bmom wont be happening.going to wait until closer to that date.oh,he is almost 11.thanks for your support.

Oh no. That doesn't seem fair. Ugh. Poor kiddos. I hope that the siblings get to get together soon....I am not really concerned about the mom though. Hurt leg or not, I would walk fire to see my child.