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Apparently he decided that since he's 18 now, he doesn't have to follow any basic rules. He came in last night higher than a kite, way after curfew on a school night. Looked us in the eye and lied about where he'd been and what he was doing.
He took his stuff this morning and left. He told us he wasn't following our rules any more.
I cried all the way to work. It reminded me soooo much of when my Ex left. We did not kick him out, it was his choice. So WHY do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like I did something wrong? Why does it hurt so much?
I haven't told my little kids yet.
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This is where it is so hard. We provide the love, and our kids just fling it back in our faces like poo.....they make horrible choices, and yes, at 18 or even at 15 in my situation there's really not a whole heck of a lot of anything we can do. They have to hit their own bottom where the fear of addressing their real feelings is less than the fear immediately in front of them. To use the cliche, they have to get tired of being sick & tired - they have to get tired of sitting in their own stinkiness. You have been there for him, you still love him very much...it's not any comfort, but hopefully there is something there that planted a seed that he can come back to. lots of hugs and prayers, :grouphug: Fran
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Its what I needed to hear. And I DO still love him very much. And alot of people don't understand that.
And at least with some of the other kids on this board, you have a history with them. They MIGHT come back to you some day.
I did not have enough time with J. I don't think he'll come back to me. But we told him that our door is open if he wants to come back and try again.
I have to tell you that as a kid growing up in an abusive home, I remember every time someone was kind to me. One older woman, suspecting something about my homelife, paid my way to a church camp and took me shopping, bought my first deoderant, nice night clothes, slipper and a robe and some clothes including nice underwear. I felt so pretty and so grown up. I went to the camp proud. Other people did little things and I never forgot. I was determined to protect my family so I was unable to express properly my thanks to those people but I never forgot it and they can take some credit for who I am today, a productive adult who gives back to the communitee. He is too scared to accept the love you offer, he can't take the fear of rejection, but I promise he will never forget that you loved him. He is just not ready to let go of those bad habits and escapes. He may or may not come back, but he will never forget. Your love was not wasted. Of course it hurts. Casper Ten Boom once said that Love in the strongest force in the world, so when it's blocked, like he is trying to block your love, it is the greatest pain.
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