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Okay, we have been home since the end of Feb of this year, so around 8 months. We adopted two kiddos at once, a 14 month old and a 2.75 year old. Overall they both seem to be doing well, and I am not sure if this is merely my paranoia, or is valid......
But DD is the younger of the two. She is a sweetheart and has since the first day we met her been very 'independent' (which we know can be a sign). She has no problem making eye contact during playtime, but any feedings or frustrating times (not getting her way) she is very avoidant and throws tantrums when we do catch her eye. Once we arrived home, she slept like a dream and continued to only let us in a bit (or so it felt). And would play peekaboo type games no problem.
After 1.5-2 months home, I decided it was time to make more eye contact and hold her during her tantrums till she calmed down (not tight, just keeping her with me so she saw I was there at the end of it all). Bottle feedings were pretty dramatic with her screaming and going crazy when she made eye contact with me. Within a week or two of this happening consistently, she stopped sleeping at night and just wanted to be held on around 1 hour intervals.......it was as though that was safe (in the dark) to get lovin from us and to see that we just kept being there when she called.....we moved her into our room in her crib so she could hear us at night and eventually she started sleeping again and eye contact during bottles on the average day wasn't a giant fight. So we thought we had progress but....
Now a few months later still, she still is not happy with us feeding her a bottle or holding her when sad (sorta understandable really).....and I guess I am wondering in all your vast knowledge out there what is the 'normal' amount of eye contact in a child at this point and what are the signs we should worry about attachment issues that need more than our home remedies to work through?
Oh, she wants us most and isn't overly friendly with strangers, sometimes comes to us for comfort when sad (othertimes heads to a corner to pout) and overall seems like she has made progress toward starting to trust us.....
Any thoughts on the eye contact and tantrum stuff are welcome!!!!
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