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Hi-I am a newbie to this forum but am looking for advice or someone who has been through a similar experience. My husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt. We have gone through years of infertility treatments and decided to adopt last year. We were matched this April with a birthmom who was 16 and due in August. We communicated with them all summer and the birthmom was proceeding along well with everything. The birthfather is in prison for violating parole/statutory rape and has had a drug abuse problem for many years. Anyway, we had communicated with him and he said he wished he could raise his child but knew that he couldn't and that we were the best choice. He said he wasn't going to change his mind. The birthmom and him are not on speaking terms-still a lot of anger in the situation. Anyway, we brought baby boy home from the hospital and were in euphoria until we recently found out birthfather is contesting and not voluntarily siging TPR. He wants to "fight for his child". We are devastated at the thought of losing baby and very emotionally stressed right now. The birthmom is very stressed and doesn't feel her rights are being heard either. A court date has just been set and it is over 2 months away. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? The birthfather has been DNA tested and verified to be the father. He has formally contested the adoption and has a public defender. We seem to have a good attorney, but I am wondering if anyone else has had experiences like this before? I don't know if the fact that he is in prison or the fact that he will be in prison for another year has anything to do with it but I hope that will help our side. I guess this goes before a jury which can be unpredictable at best...any thoughts on how to cope in the meantime?
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I would think that because he is in jail, he wont have a legal leg to stand on, but on the other hand, he IS the father and he has the right to contest. Has Birthmom already signed TPR? I know this must be so frustrating, considering you already has the baby and all. My SW warned me when we took our son home from the hospital legal risk that this very thing could happen. I was scared to death. IN our situation everyone signed the papers and all ended well. Im so sorry that this is happening. I hope your agency is giving you some support and guidance in all of this. Does your lawyer feel confident that you will win?? I guess the good thing is that you have been caring for the baby and the baby is attached to you and bonded with you and that might work in your favor when you see the judge. Im really sorry!! Where are you in WI??? I live in WI too!!! -God bless, Rach
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My understanding is that, in general, being in prison does not automatically mean that a father cannot retain his parental rights, especially if he has someone who could take the child for him until he is released. I completely understand feeling concerned about his history, but this is his child, however much you may wish that was not the case. Have you been in touch at all the with father since placement? Do you have any idea what changed his mind? Have you considered talking with him and seeing if you can work things out? I can't imagine being in your position. My son was about that age when I realized not only how much I loved him, but how much he loved me. However, you may need to think about down the road, too. How would you explain to your son when he is older that his bfather wanted to parent him, refused to sign papers, and you went to court to have his rights involuntarily terminated? I'm not suggesting that you are wrong; like I said, I don't know what I would have done if something had happened after bonding so long with my son. But I'm wondering if starting a conversation might be worthwhile. Talk to your lawyer, as well, but maybe he has concerns that haven't been heard or haven't been voiced, and talking with him could help resolve the situation.
This posting was originally from a year ago. I was desperate as I loved my son more than anything and felt that I was helpless. The BF being in prison was one part of the story but the other is that the BM and him hated each other. I just didn't know how this little boy would grow up with one parent who had basically put the other in prison (tons of resentment!) and being passed from a BM who didn't want to parent to a BF who resented BM...anyway shortly after the post the BF realized the impossibilities of it and signed the TPR. He just didn't want to be separated from knowing his child which is totally understandable. We are in co tact with him as much as we can be and when he gets out of prison we will be bringing baby to meet him. We plan on continuing to stay in contact with both birth parents as much as possible. Thanks for your comments and hope no one has to go through the same process but if you are I it hang in there it is worth it!