help guys !

You can't judge the foster parent because you don't know what the behavior was. Even a 9 year old can have extreme behaviors. I would speculate that it is something that she cannot handle. She should have said good bye, but maybe she was not able to.

your both right we've had 9 yr olds hospitalized before for violent rages and i don't know him or them so i have no clue how bad or often he was acting up for them I was just venting this morning because i'm the 1 who had to tell him the people who've taken care of him for 2 yrs weren't going to come get him i just hope it works out for all of them !

What a tough position you were put in. I can't imagine having to tell a child something like that. I am glad the foster mom changed her mind. Maybe in the heat of moment she felt that she couldn't go on, but after a cooling down period, she changed her mind.

Poor little guy! Did you let him call his foster mom to hear her voice? To reassure him she will come get him. Did she give you any idea when she would come get him? I had kids before in respite and the foster mom wouldn't call and check on them so I would call and tell her hey so in so is up set talk to her so she feels better... :) Hope this helps...

i took him to the agency she said she"d pick him up there they never called back so i"m assuming he got home ok it was awful being in the middle !

I can understand not being able to cope with a child any longer... but to not tell them? After two years? Whoah. That's awful, in my book.

yeah mine too i can't sleep thinking about it

ditto. Our son went through multiple foster placements - a lot of times he would come home from school, there'd be a paper bag of clothes and DCS waiting for him....no explanations, goodbyes or anything. Just one more abandonment issue we had to work through! I'm sure R contributed to the disruption of the placement, but he sure didn't deserve to be abandoned all over again. Fran

Sometimes the actions of others can make us wonder. Reality he is just a child. They are so broken when they come into care. They do not need the extra drama. I know they can be hard to handle but we are aware of this. I could understand if it endangered other children in your home but either the CW or the FM owed that child at that age somewhat of an explination. Don't yall think?

She came back to get him. I think I wasn't in this mom's shoes and I don't know why she felt the way she did. I do know I said very little to my son on the way to drop him at the group home and very little before I left. He knew why he was there. I had nothing left to give him at that point. I also have a son who was very traumatized by being lied to by a pre adoptive placement about going on a picnic and then got dropped at the shelters door. I am horrified by that-but I think the worker should have stepped in to help and obviously didn't. The family likely feared what my son would do if they told him the truth-and rightly so. It would be much more helpful to think of ways to support parents at then end of their rope then to string them up on the tree cause they messed up.

why can't they be told the truth - at a level they can understand of course. There is already such craziness (and so many lies) in their lives - why can't the adults in their lives address the issue headon? Lucy, when you had to put your son in RTC I'm sure you had communicated many times over where he stood.....how much he chose to believe of your messages along the way, who knows. Somewhere the communication was missing in Sissy's situation - why couldn't the foster mom at least told her a little bit of what was going on and why they needed respite?When we disrupted on R's sister, A, when she left she knew exactly why she was leaving, why she couldn't live in our family, and that we still loved her and would always be praying for her and thinking of her. Granted, how much of that she believed is one thing but you never know what these children will hold onto and how our words (good or bad) will impact them. Fran

Hmm, are we sure the fm was actually just going to leave him, or was this something the child told the respite fm? The description makes it sound like the fm told this to the respite mom directly, as in, "We're not coming to get him. We're at wit's end and can't do this anymore." ...Lucy makes a great point that this fm was able to collect herself, wipe the tears, and come get the kid. Good for her! Remember, too, that RADishes are terrific for respite families (I know, having sent "nice, compliant" kiddos back after having them for respite only to see escalations in behavior in their foster home including suicide attempts!), but completely different children in their home environment. What supports was fm getting from DCS and therapists? Did everyone see this child as "sweet, charming, funny?" as people see my oldest RADish? Was fm made to look like an overbearing, angry woman whom nobody would believe? Maybe she really was at the end of her rope because nobody would believe her. Maybe she doesn't know about RAD and so she doesn't have the language to describe what she's seeing. We all know from personal experience that beating your head against the wall can only last so long before we snap! :prop: Maybe she was hoping the respite fm would see the behaviors she had been seeing all along, and when that didn't happen, she decided (short-sightedly) just to throw in the towel. Maybe....we just don't know the whole story. Hopefully, though, this fm gets the help she needs to help this kiddo heal. :loveyou: (That's supposed to be a "peace" sign.)

she called cw and said just to leave him @ my house but then when the child called cw crying they said they'd give him another chance i agree he probably was better for me then normal partly cause it was a holiday weekend and i was off and we went to the movies,skating, played board games etc plus i know alot of kids are better behaved for respite families i just felt bad right @ that moment when he broke down saying i want to go home this isn't fair etc :( hopefully everythings going well for them our agency's holiday party is coming up so maybe i can check on him thanks guys :)

I think in this situation it's the caseworker that fell down on the job. The FM probably was really having a rough time and just could not go back and get him at that moment, so she called the caseworker. The caseworker should have been the one to drive over to the house and explain things to this kid. She probably knew more about the situation than the respite provider. It should not have been dumped in Sissy's lap to have to tell him. Also the social worker could have reassured him he would be taken care of. Sissy it sounds like did not have enough information to help him. Poor kid was probably worried about whether he would ever see his sister or his toys again (depending on the kid one might have worried him more than the other) He might have been afraid he was going to be dumped on the street. Depending on his past he might have had a lot of fears of places he would be sent. The social worker would have the knowledge of where he had been to reassure him. She could have told him she would work on arranging visits with his sister or getting his stuff or whatever. If the kid has already been in the system at least two years, he knows Sissy has no say in where he goes next and no answers as to why. My son is a total angel for strangers, and a very different person at home.

I just wanted to let you all know i saw him w/his foster parents today @ a christmas party he seemed fine and happy w/them :banana: so that's good ! thanks for all the support !