Single parent worried about attachment

Daycare with adoptee children is a VERY complicated issue. I am an adult adoptee with attachment issues, part of which were caused by being in several different daycares after my adoption. What I would suggest is finding a home care provider. In daycare centers the turn over rate for caregivers is extremely high, even in the good centers (I've worked in childcare for 8 years). High turnover rate and multiple caregivers is likely to create attachment issues in your child. A home care provider can be more like an extended family member. The child can form a stable bond with this person, while still forming a healthy bond with you. Of course, you will want to make sure the home care provider is prepared to deal with the unique challenges an adoptee may present. You didn't say how old a child you are hoping to adopt, but there are bound to be some adjustment issues if you are adopting an older child. The ideal would be to find someone with a smaller group of kids (8 is usually the maximum for home care providers, but many only care for 4-5 children at one time). You can call your local child care resource & referall agency to get a list of home care providers in your area.

Do you know how old your child will be? I agree with the poster above in terms of putting a newly adopted/foster child in a typical daycare. At home care has worked well for us. I'm single, and have adopted two older children, 7 and 11 y.o. at the time of adoption. We've been together nearly a year. Building the attachment is a matter of baby steps, and no matter how old the child is, they will be younger than their chronological age. My kids are school age so that helps us avoid daycare. Although looking back, it would have been better for all of us, if I had not enrolled them in school so soon after arriving in the country. I had to go back to work to support the family, but if I had been able to plan on the front end, I would have liked to have stayed with them full time during the first three to six months. We spent two months together before leaving Guatemala, so that did help us. We have a nanny who helps out after school, and at other times when I am having to work. This has worked well, and is actually less expensive than daycare would have been had I enrolled them in after-school programs. If you go the in home care route, I would suggest that you find someone who has worked with children in foster care or special needs. I've been fortunate to find a very experienced nanny as well as babysitters who know about attachment and who grew up with parents who cared for foster children. Please know that this is do-able, and you are doing a very wise thing by reaching out to ask questions. Feel free to pm me, if you have other questions.

what i did with my son, who arrived in august at 14 months, was hire a homeschooled highschooler to come babysit at the house while i worked (part-time, i am not single though). this worked really well for my son because he was in the comfort of his home and wasn't too anxious about me leaving him. don't know if this is a possibility for you, but i've worked in daycare and it's really not great for attachment. it's noisy, disorganized, and chaotic. i knew that for my son, he would be so overwhelmed being there that it would really hurt his confidence and development. and i'm glad i made that decision because he is doing very well now.

I'm hoping you can take some time off to start building the bonds of attachment. I was lucky enough with both of mine to take 3 months off. But then they went to daycare and did fine. I think you need to be prepared that if you child needs you to take more time off, you do it.

Thanks for the feedback...I appreciate the advice given to me. I decided to take a little more time off than I originally planned. I'm also looking into home-based daycare.