Adopting a family friend's baby

I would say take the risk also, but it's very hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes. We are involved with an adoption where the bm is being induced THIS MONDAY and her family so far is supportive of her placing, but they don't want to be involved at all. What makes our situation so difficult for us is that our family members are involved, in that it is my sister-in laws best friend who knows the bm. So, of course, they are both very emotionally invested in this, as well as us. The problem is that whatever we say directly to the bm somehow gets back to my sister-in laws friend, and if something was taken the wrong way, then it becomes a whole issue and my sister in law gets involved e-mailing us, in a rather nasty tone. Needless to say, I feel like the boundaries are weakening and about now I feel like it's everyone's adoption instead of ours. Does this make sense to anyone? My sister in law and friend think we are unappreciative and should listen to whatever "advice" her friend gives us. Somehow, though, there are too many cooks in the kitchen, as our attorney has said. We are getting ready to take the trip Mon and what should be a very happy time is mixed with different emotions. Ugh!!! (this all stemmed from a conversation my dh had with the bm, where he asked her some direct questions which we wanted some answers to. The problem is they should have been asked of our atty--and had been in the past--but she is a horrible communicator and relays little if no information.). We were trying to confirm that we would not be in the delivery room and try to get a sense of what she wanted. BIG MiSTAKe--as I've heard endlessly from everyone involved, since the bm apparently complained to her family that we were pushing her...etc. This came back to my friend. I'm trying to separate myself from all this family chaos... Sorry for the long post.