locking child in room

My heart goes out to you, because it is just about impossible to go this long without sleep. I adopted my two sons (brothers who had spent most of life in an orphanage and foster care) from Guatemala last year, and we went through similar sleep issues. I also considered locking my door and then theirs, and was advised against it. It really is unsafe to lock a child's door at night in case of fire, etc. What has worked is that I have my younger son (now age 8) sleeping on an air mattress on the floor of my room. He's been doing this for about six months. He is benefitting greatly from feeling safe for the first time in his life. Both children have told me about the scary things that happened in the orphanage, and there are scars from their experience. Bed time is consistently at 8:30 p.m., and initially he got a quarter (he loves money) for every night he went to bed on time. Once we resolved that issue, then I told him since he had mastered that, I would give him a quarter for every night he stayed asleep on the mattress or played quietly without waking me up. The exception to that is if he really had a bad dream or really needed me, that it's ok to get in bed with me or wake me up, etc. There are times when this happens, but it has gone from several times a night to weekly and now only sporadically. We also have a wonderful therapist who has helped us work on attachment. Don't let the language barrier get in the way of doing therapy. A good attachment therapist can help you do things that will create safety for your daughter. Best of luck to you, and feel free to pm me if you have other questions. Dinah

Please don't lock her in her room. With the language barrier, her changes in family, country, smells, sights etc. and fear she has at night will only scare her even more if she can't get out. Besides...if there's a fire or anything...gosh...don't even want to think what could happen. She could resort to banging her head against the wall or endanger herself and you would never know since she's far enough from your room. I know you are tired and frustrated, but this is not a good or safe idea. Have you tried putting an alarm on her door so you know when she leaves the room? I wonder why she can't just sleep in your room for awhile? If she goes to sleep in your room, isn't the problem of everyone's sleep and sanity solved? I also think you should look into a qualified therapist to help you, as well as some respite care or just someone to help you out so you can get some sleep. Tired parents is a rough road so I do know you must be feeling at the end of your rope and you need help too. As far as the legality of it...I don't know. Guess you'd have to contact the Texas child protective services to see. Imo, I'd think it would be illegal though because of the circumstances. She is deaf, cannot voice her fear at all or communicate with you. With that circumstance, to me it would be emotional abuse because she cannot understand what you are doing and seems to be truly afraid. I would also say too that if you hope to bond and attach with her, this is not the way to do it. How can she learn to trust and depend on you? All she'll learn is what she's always known...to fend for herself and survive on her own. If you have a therapist, talk to them. If you don't, get one.

I'm sure you are exhausted from not sleeping which makes things all the more frustrating, but please look at this as being a terrified child who can't communicate her needs rather then a behavior problem. For the sake of survival of all, take turns sleeping. If you want her to sleep in her room, YOU take a mat or cot into her room and sleep their for awhile until she feels safe. Otherwise, put her in your room. Or, start her in your room and when she comes into yours, settle her in a sleeping bag or on a cot and let her sleep out the night there. Once she gets to where she can feel safe, she'll sleep better. I'm not sure from your postings if you are able to fully communicate with your child yet or not. If so, are you working on bonding aspects during waking hours? Is it possible to get a therapist involved? Even if the child cannot communicate with the therapist, an attachment therapist can still help YOU to facilitate attachment and help you deal with issues that come up in a way that will help your child know how to use her language to tell you what she needs instead of her behaviors. Locking her in her room will only create more terror, less trust, and interfere with bonding.

I have to agree with all the others here and say please don't lock her in her room. I understand the land of sleep deprivation but it will eventually pass -- or so I am told. When I brought my daughter home she was 21 months and I planned on co-sleeping. She made it perfectly clear to me that was the only option for her. But she was a very active sleeper and I needed her out of my bed. I tried to move her out of my bed after about 4 months. It didn't work. She got up about 10-12 times a night. I relented and let her back in my bed. After being home 12 months home we tried again and had some success. She still got up about 3-4 times a night but I could coac her back to her bed. After the holiday she has been back in my bed. This week I have her back in her bed. But she is still getting up 3-4 times a night but she is back to the point where she gets a kiss and sent back to her room -- I don't even need to get up. She has been home for 16 months now. I am planning on being able to sleep through the night by the time she is 10.I think locking her in her room may really cause some issues with trust. She needs to have access to you. I was placed with my adoptive family at age 7 (2 years in foster). I have no recollection of this but my parents will still tell stories about finding me sleeping on the hard wood floor outside their bedroom many night in the first 2 years. I can remember sneaking into their room are a couplle of occassions and leaning in close to them to make sure that they were still breathing then sneaking back to my room. I know when I let my daughter sleep with me she will put her hand over my mouth almost as if she is checking to make sure I am breathing. I would say, without knowing you or your child, that their are a couple of things that you should consider. Get a counselor/therpist to help with attachment and bonding -- it is a lifetime process. And let her invade your space. Let her sleep at the bottom of your bed or on a mattress on the floor. Bring her in closer, don't push her into the independence that she just doesn't appear to be ready for. Some people believe that a child of any age must be accepted into the family as a newborn infant. Sleep with her nearby, expect lots of waking up time, hold her, feed her, cuddle her. As she feels more and more secure, she will ask for more independence that is age appropriate.Best of luck,Samantha

She 6. She should understand what a reward is. Reward her with good behavior, such as going to bed and staying in bed. Start a calendar, what we have done with our DD's, not just AD, but BD also at times. 1st do a week, after a week, maybe have a reward such as going for icecream at Mcdonalds, and make sure SHE gets to put a star or sticker for her days of good habits. Then go to 2 weeks, and then have a reward for after 2 weeks, then 3 weeks and so on.....if you try this however, what we found worked is, if you have 2 good nights, but then the 3rd night you have issues, don't make her start over, to goal for her may seem to hard for her to do, just make sure she understands, why no star or sticker for that day. Trust may be a big issue with her and maybe she is feeling unsafe in her own room. Might be something a therapist could help you and her with to understand why she is having issues at bedtime, maybe a past history of abuse? I wouldn't lock my children up (we'd all like to from time to time) I think trust and feeling safe would be a big issue for all children doing that. Good luck!

I understand the loss of sleep..living it right now myself. But never would I lock a childs door.. specially at night. I would be too affraid that something would happen while i was asleep. Honestly I don't know how I'm managing the lack of sleep. My babys comfort comes before my own, And the old saying "if momma ain't happy..nobodys happy", well they should have said if baby's not happy. and I know that things will get better. Tag team sleeping helps alot too. Hope you find Mr. Sandman soon!

I know you are terribly exhausted. I know that each situation is different, but I can tell you what I did with my daughter, who was 8 when she came home with us. We had a structured routine from day 1. She had her shower and was ready for bed by 7 each night. She and I went to her bed layed down. We would watch TV, read a book or just talk. She didn't have to go to sleep until 9, but often fell asleep before 8:30. It was a great time of bonding for us. At times she pulled away when she felt she was getting close, but it did help. I never told her that I was going to sleep in there and she knew I would get up and go to my own bed. WHen my husband's work would have him away for the night I did sleep with her. It has helped up a lot. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon.

I agree with the others, please don't lock her in her room. My daughter was traumatized by being locked in her bedroom. She wouldn't go in a room alone for the longest time. I think many here gave you great ideas, such as the mattress on the floor (we used this too) and others. I hope you find something that works but I strongly advice against locking any child in their room.

I think I pointed out to you on your other thread that many deaf children have trouble being alone in their bedrooms at night. This is because they don't have the same reassuring household noises in the background that hearing children do, like the television set or their parents' voices. When they wake up all alone in the darkness, they can become very frightened, and some children are afraid they have been abandoned. Deaf children also have more night terrors than normal. The medical community is unsure why they are subject to more night terrors, but it is a well-known phenomenon. Please do not lock her in her bedroom at night. She'll be absolutely terrified, and I don't think it will help out attachment-wise at all. Also, how will she let you know if she becomes ill during the night? Just my two cents, for what it's worth....

I wonder if something like a nightlight or maybe something like, a tv with one of those fish tank videos, or maybe one of thos digital photo frames, that changes pictures every few minutes. You could put it up on the wall where she can't reach it to take it down to throw it, but have pictures of the family in it. That way maybe she would not feel so alone at night. Also maybe one of those baby stuffed toys that lights up when you hug them, that might also help her if she is afraid during the night. If she can't communicate, I would start working on that first, working on sign, maybe using picture boards so she can point at things, they make them for various special needs kids. They have them with feelings and with things like hungry, thirsty, cold, etc. lFor now, one thing that might help is finding time to get a nap in for you. If you are home all day and dh works, maybe when he gets home from work, let him take over for a couple of hours while you nap, also make sure you find time on the weekends for some napping. If the kid goes to school or naps then get a nap in then. If you both work, perhaps you can take turns getting in a nap to help you guys catch up on sleep.

Have you tried Melatonin to help her sleep? I agree with all the others above that locking her in her room or out of yours is dangerous and terrifying for her. Please don't do it.

Have you tried Melatonin to help her sleep? I agree with all the others above that locking her in her room or out of yours is dangerous and terrifying for her. Please don't do it.

I would never lock a child in a room. Have you tried giving her a flashlight for comfort? Find a security object for her--blanket, photographs, stuffed animals? Consider a 1/2 door on her bedroom where it is split in the middle and you can open the top 1/2 and keep the bottom 1/2 closed. She can feel like she can call out to you if needed and see out into the hallway, but the closed 1/2 is still a reminder to stay in the room. I suggest sitting outside her door and reading or doing other activities so that she can see you and eventually move further and further away as she gets more comfortable. Good luck to you.

I agree with everyone... BUT if you and DH do decide that you must detain her in some way, I read a post on here about a toddler who ran loose around the house and could climb over gates they put in the doorway so a few people got creative and put half doors in (like in daycares) that Scatterbrain mentioned above. Another person put in a screen door and locked it so that at least the child could see out but not run around. I know this is not the same situation as yours and a toddler running loose is a safety hazard where yours is a fright and comfort thing. I have never had to lock a child into a room. But I will not post "I would never lock a child in a room" because I have not been where you or other people have been.

it is illegal in many states to do this... locally they would suggest putting her on meds or if it is really that much of an issue she would need to go to a 24 hour a day RTC or something... (well that is the answer I got from DSS when I asked... long story...) I like the take turns sleeping thing, or have her sleep in your room where you all are locked in together... with access to the potty...