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We are planning to adopt a newborn baby girl - due any day now! I asked our lawyer early on if we could have the baby baptized before finalization. He said legally, yes, but some churches don't like to baptize before finalization. I asked our deacon (also failry early on) this question and he never got back to me. Maybe he was just not wanting me to count my chichens before they hatched??? So, that's question #1 - did any of you baptize your child before finalization occured? Next situation involved the Godparents. This is where it gets really interesting! We want my sister and her partner (they're gay) to be the Godparents. They've been married for 8 years and go to church every week and are extremely active in their church. However, they are both Catholic, but attend a Lutheran church because they feel accepted there but not in a Catholic church. DH and I do not care whatsoever that they go to a different church. The fundamental values are the same and we feel that what's important is faith, kindness to all, and regular worship - regardless of the denomination (i.e. if we die and they raise our daughter, we have no qualms about her going to a Lutheran church so long as she goes often and is actively involved). Of course, we don't care that they are gay either. Is our church going to ask for PROOF that they are members of a Catholic church? And will it be an issue that the Godparents are 2 women and not one of each gender? I have been so worried about this since we found out about this baby! There really is no one else in the world that we would want to ask to be our daughter's Godparents. No one in either of our families goes to church regularly. Of our friends, a few of the women are Catholic, but either the men aren't or they're not someone we'd consider. Like I said, my sisters (I consider them both my sisters) are our only choice. Any advice??? TIA!
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This is such a timely post since Zara's baptism is planned for February 17th. We decided to wait for finalization but I don't think that the Church had any restrictions.
The funny part was that since I converted to Catholicism in college, I was confused about the rules for Godparents (Catholic, married in the church, in good standing). I asked my one friend who is a Catholic in good standing to be Zara's Godmother. I then asked my other dear non-Catholic friend to be a Christian Witness. Unfortunately I was told that this wouldn't fly. They had to be different genders!
I finally called the Monsignor and let him know that I couldn't unask my friend (the Christian Witness) to be part of the baptism. He relented and said that she could come up during the ceremony but she wouldn't be part of the official record.
We have our pre-Jordan class next Tuesday. I've also planned a post-baptism reception at a nearby restaurant. We are up to 45 people!
I've got the dress, the shoes, and the bonnet. I just hope my vocal little girl doesn't decide that she needs to sing throughout the service!
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I think the priests have a fair amount of discretion in the way the ceremony's actually handled. Our Msgr. incorporated H's bmom (who is Lutheran) into the ceremony, making it into a kind of entrustment/baptism---but he did ask H's godparents to submit the letters of good standing from their parish.
We always baptized before finalization and would not attend a Catholic church that would refuse to baptize a child because the adoption was not finalized. I feel very strongly that my children be baptized as soon as possible. As far as 2 gay women being godparents, I can't imagine that should be an issue. They are Catholic, their sexual orientation certainly should not be of interest to anyone. Two of our children were baptized with two godmothers and no one had an issue with it. Best wishes. I would push to get this done when YOU want it done and if your parish won't do it, find another.
and it is just that kind of thinking that turns many Catholics away. You are so right that this child belongs to God and God would want him/her baptized as soon as possible. I love my Catholic religion but not the stoic, man-made rules that make no sense at all - - which is why we are so lucky to belong to a very non-traditional, black, Catholic church where the priests make sense to me and women are respected.
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I had posted my experience with baptism in the catholic church previously. I've got to say that was the beginning of our disappointment with the Catholic Church. Yes, our children are innocent, they should have the opportunity to be baptized as soon as possible. True, not all churches are the same & it depends on the priests but how terrible that a priest can dictate whether your child is "eligble" to be baptized or not. I don't know, it left a very ugly taste in my mouth. I've got other examples but then I'd be going way off topic...
For our first adoption, our church Baptised long before finalization - no problem!For our second - new priest - they said we must have a birth certificate. She has been with us for more than two years now, the adoption is final, and we still don't have the birth certificate from the state - so no Baptism. UGH!And as for godparents, ours had to submit some kind of letter/ form from their parish. Congrats on your new child!
veggiegirl
We are planning to adopt a newborn baby girl - due any day now! I asked our lawyer early on if we could have the baby baptized before finalization. He said legally, yes, but some churches don't like to baptize before finalization. I asked our deacon (also failry early on) this question and he never got back to me. Maybe he was just not wanting me to count my chichens before they hatched??? So, that's question #1 - did any of you baptize your child before finalization occured? Next situation involved the Godparents. This is where it gets really interesting! We want my sister and her partner (they're gay) to be the Godparents. They've been married for 8 years and go to church every week and are extremely active in their church. However, they are both Catholic, but attend a Lutheran church because they feel accepted there but not in a Catholic church. DH and I do not care whatsoever that they go to a different church. The fundamental values are the same and we feel that what's important is faith, kindness to all, and regular worship - regardless of the denomination (i.e. if we die and they raise our daughter, we have no qualms about her going to a Lutheran church so long as she goes often and is actively involved). Of course, we don't care that they are gay either. Is our church going to ask for PROOF that they are members of a Catholic church? And will it be an issue that the Godparents are 2 women and not one of each gender? I have been so worried about this since we found out about this baby! There really is no one else in the world that we would want to ask to be our daughter's Godparents. No one in either of our families goes to church regularly. Of our friends, a few of the women are Catholic, but either the men aren't or they're not someone we'd consider. Like I said, my sisters (I consider them both my sisters) are our only choice. Any advice??? TIA!
Our Catholic Faith believes in only ONE baptism, so when a priest refuses to baptize a child is probably because he wants to be absolutely sure that the child is going to be raised in the Catholic Faith.
As far as Godparents go, being gay would be okay, as long as they are not practicing gay, we all know well that practicing gays are not fully participants of the Church, to not tell the priest that the Godparents are gay, not baptized, don't practice the Faith, are of another religion, etc.., is to make a mockery out of the child's baptism, if one is not willing to practice the Faith fully, why have a charade baptism?
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We had our ds baptized after finalization. Our priest would have done it sooner, but the agency said that we should wait until after finalization. We did have one practicing catholic as Godmother (her parish was contacted to confirm that) and one non-catholic is the Godfather.
The role of a Godparent is to help the parents in the religious formation of the child. The role of Godparent is not declaration of guardianship if the parents pass away. If what you are concerned about is guardianship you should contact an attorney to create a legal Will.
We are having our DD baptized this Sunday. Finalization in our state takes at least 6 months, and we aren't willing to wait that long. The priest said there was no issue with it being done, as irrevocable TPRs have been signed. We didn't consult the agency, as we looked at this as an issue between us and our priest.
Good luck! I'm Lutheran; DH Catholic. We have opted to raise the kids Catholic. DH's Priest insisted that the adoption be finalized (needed to see decree) before. Other friends have told me that they have just proceeded and never mentioned the adoption. Priest never questioned. Letter of good standing from our Godparents were required.
My daughter was born in March and baptized in May (she has yet to be finalized). She also had two godmothers.
Depending on what state you live in and if you are past the phase where birthparents can revoke consent, I'd say you're pretty safe to assume that this child will be a permanent part of your family even if this is not "legally" so.
I would echo what others here have said -- the rules are different for every parish. Talk to your priest. If he has a problem with the child being baptized without a birth certificate, then I would persist and explain the situation to him. I wouldnt wait until after finalization because there really is no reason for this if you donҒt want to.
Our DD didn't officiallyӔ have two godmothers. The rule was that we could have 1 godparent or 2 opposite sex godparents. One godmother was "official," the other just stood up with us at the altar and functioned as a "sponsor." We referred to both of them as godmothers and this is what we will always consider them both (even if it's not what's on the baptismal certificate).
The godparents in our parish have to produce written proof from their church that they are actively Catholic. Again, this varies from parish to parish. If you explain to your priest, he may be willing to fudge the rules.
I am also not a "church-shopper" type person, but if your priest really takes issue with any of your concerns, perhaps you should look to another church community that is more empathetic to your situation and values (they are definitely out there!). After all, you want your child to be raised in a faith-atmosphere of welcoming and warmth, not a place where he or she is subject to harsh and unfair legalism.
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1. We were allowed to Baptize our son before finalization. We didn't ask anyone permission. We figured, since the placement seemed secure, and since the agency indicated that it was secure, we would risk it.
2. You have to have one woman and one man to be godparents. I also have heard that one of them has to be Catholic (practicing, and not going to another Christian church regularly) and one Christian, Catholic or not.
So, therefore, I would ask one of the women to be the Christian Godmother and ask a practicing Catholic male to be the Godfather. The two godparents don't have to even know each other, although it would be best if they did.
joskids
We always baptized before finalization and would not attend a Catholic church that would refuse to baptize a child because the adoption was not finalized. I feel very strongly that my children be baptized as soon as possible. As far as 2 gay women being godparents, I can't imagine that should be an issue. . Two of our children were baptized with two godmothers and no one had an issue with it. Best wishes. I would push to get this done when YOU want it done and if your parish won't do it, find another.
They are Catholic, their sexual orientation certainly should not be of interest to anyone